Hi. I am new to BabyCenter. I was referred her by a real life friend after talking to her about my MIL problem. I have read the "sticky" and read a lot of posts all day yesterday so I think I have the abbreviations and rules down. So here is my problem and I am hoping that you all can help me figure out a solution.
DH and I have an almost 4 year old DD and I am pregnant with another DD. My mother watches DD Tuesday-Friday while DH and I work. I know that family being childcare is not ideal but this has worked for us and we have not has any issues, no bounty stomps, etc. My Mom completely respects us as parents and whatever decisions we make regarding DD are fully respected.
The issue is with MIL. While she also is not really a boundary stomper, she is defiantly my BEC (I think I am using this term correctly, everything she does drives me crazy even if its not a big deal). We have gotten into the habit of DD spending Sunday nights with her and we get her back Monday evening after work (from what I've read on DWIL a few other people have had this arrangement too and no one ever seems happy with it).
We really have not had any issues such as boundary stomps but I have come to realize that I am not okay with giving up anymore of our nuclear family's time. With a new baby coming I want to spend as much time as possible with DD before all of out lives are changed.
I was originally planning to change the arrangement to no more overnights but MIL could watch her Monday during the day while we are at work, however that is not going to work as DD will be going to preschool Monday, Wednesday and Friday starting in a few weeks. Last year DD went to school on Tuesdays and Thursdays, my Mom drops her and my nephew off and picks them up from school. I do not want to change this arrangement as it is what DD is used to and honestly I just don't want MIL at the school.
So on to the questions. How do I tactfully change an arrangement that has been going on for so long? How do I deal with the "but its not faaaaiiirr" comments I am sure we will get since my mother does spend a good amount of time with DD? Just a simple "MIL our arrangement isn't working for our family anymore"?
DH is on the same page as me and understands that we need and want to spend as much time as possible with DD.
Thanks for reading and I am looking forward to your advice!