Hi! So I have BG here with a Duh that is on the path to become a DH.
My MIL is my BEC but also a very manipulative, at times toxic person.
I limited my time around here and it worked pretty well. Now my SIL is getting married next year. To put it mildly my MIL is not pleased with her choice. (Race, occupation, origins, etc.) my SIL knows but still keeps in contact with her mom. I guess she has a big unicorn and still tries to please her. It's not working.
So here is the problem and frankly I brought it on myself and stuck my nose into somebody else's business.
My SIL flat out asked me one time (we are on good terms) if her mom has accepted her fiancé by now. (3 months after her mom took her aside to tell her what a poor choice she has made. Her future kids are going to be discriminated against and how sad she is that she can't be a SAHM. ... This at a family dinner). I should have bean dipped, but I was sick and tired of lying and the farce (future son in law has no clue) I hesitated. She noticed. Things went downhill.
Second mistake was that I didn't mention this conversation to my husband. We both say what we want but we keep each other in the loop. Well, predictably, during one of their mother daughter fights, SIL brought up the topic about her not accepting her fiancé. She mentioned my name and all hell broke loose.
My MIL denied everything. When that didn't work she blamed me, her daughter and fiancé.
Mind you I was on the airplane to see my parents overseas and found out a day later. My husband called me and was upset that I hadn't told him about my failed bean dipping. His mom talked crap about me but he shut it down. (At least that is what he told me). My SIL apologized to me and in the meantime I apologized to my DH that I really should have prepared him for my part of the shit storm. I have no doubt it would have happened at some point)
So obviously I need to keep my nose out of people's business and best step back.
How should I handle MIL? She blames me for the huge fight she has with her daughter and that I just might have ruined the wedding. Do I need to apologize to her? She is my BEC and I just can't with racist people. Nevertheless, I think I overstepped.
My MIL is my BEC but also a very manipulative, at times toxic person.
I limited my time around here and it worked pretty well. Now my SIL is getting married next year. To put it mildly my MIL is not pleased with her choice. (Race, occupation, origins, etc.) my SIL knows but still keeps in contact with her mom. I guess she has a big unicorn and still tries to please her. It's not working.
So here is the problem and frankly I brought it on myself and stuck my nose into somebody else's business.
My SIL flat out asked me one time (we are on good terms) if her mom has accepted her fiancé by now. (3 months after her mom took her aside to tell her what a poor choice she has made. Her future kids are going to be discriminated against and how sad she is that she can't be a SAHM. ... This at a family dinner). I should have bean dipped, but I was sick and tired of lying and the farce (future son in law has no clue) I hesitated. She noticed. Things went downhill.
Second mistake was that I didn't mention this conversation to my husband. We both say what we want but we keep each other in the loop. Well, predictably, during one of their mother daughter fights, SIL brought up the topic about her not accepting her fiancé. She mentioned my name and all hell broke loose.
My MIL denied everything. When that didn't work she blamed me, her daughter and fiancé.
Mind you I was on the airplane to see my parents overseas and found out a day later. My husband called me and was upset that I hadn't told him about my failed bean dipping. His mom talked crap about me but he shut it down. (At least that is what he told me). My SIL apologized to me and in the meantime I apologized to my DH that I really should have prepared him for my part of the shit storm. I have no doubt it would have happened at some point)
So obviously I need to keep my nose out of people's business and best step back.
How should I handle MIL? She blames me for the huge fight she has with her daughter and that I just might have ruined the wedding. Do I need to apologize to her? She is my BEC and I just can't with racist people. Nevertheless, I think I overstepped.