Ok, my DH's family is big.
Both his maternal and paternal grandmother live with his parents. His parents have 3 boys and 2 girls. When the maternal and paternal grand fathers passed away, they left money for their grandchildren. His maternal and paternal grandmothers have been living at his parents for 3 and 2 years respectively.
When there are birthdays, they are held at my PIL's house. When there is New Years, we have a family luncheon at my PIL's. When there is Mother's Day and Father's Day, we have lunch at my PIL's. When it is summer, all the teen kids go to camp away. When it is Thanksgiving, it is held at my PIL's. The same for Christmas.
DH and I have two kids, and expecting our third in March. Our two kids are boys and ages 12 and 10, respectively. DH's family has been sending their kids every year to a camp for girls and boys separately. It starts when they are 10 and helps in shaping them through their teenage years. DH himself went to this camp. I have no problem with summer camps.
So last year, my MIL told me to sign the boys up for camp. I had knowledge of this camp obviously, and it is expensive as hell. For one kid, you would need to chop off an arm and a leg. I told DH last year that two kids won't be suitable financially. He thought it best that we start DS1 in 2015, and in 2016 start DS2, but not let DS1 go in 2016. Their cousins go to the camp too, and their parents send two kids at the same time. DH and i cannot afford that.
Registration started in October last year with deadline of March. At Thanksgiving, both GMIL's asked if we were ready to send the boys off to camp. We told them that only DS1 was going this year, and we'll be doing one and one, with an off basis for them. That did not sit well with them. They thought we were depriving the boys from learning things and being around family, while building new friendships.
My MIL stepped in. She did not feel it was satisfactory to allow DS1 to go off on his own and leave DS2 home alone when none of his cousins would be home. I told her he has friends that would be there with him, and DH and I saw it as fun to have one on one time with him. She did not like it. She felt he had to be at the camp. I told her, our money can't afford two kids together, and how we choose to parent and deal with the camp was not her concern. She said it made no sense. She said that when DS1 came back from camp, he's going to be looking forward to the next year because he'll have formed friendships and enjoyed what the camp is all about. We ignored her.
In February, we got notification about what was required of DS1 to have with him, and what was expected of him at the camp. Two weeks after that notification, we got one for DS2. How could it be when we did not sign up for him. DH asked his mother because she seemed to be the only person who would have done such a thing. She confessed that she and both DH's grandmothers pooled together the money for DS2 to attend the camp. I told MIL that she crossed a line. I told her that she paid for something relating to my kids with malice intent, and never stopped to consider the repercussions to her actions. I told her off. At the time, the deadline for drop outs and refunds had passed. So we ended up having to send both boys to the camp.
When they got back, what MIL said was true. They loved it and can't wait to go back next year.
Here is the kicker. In May, we got notification from the camp that fees were increasing for 2016 intake. DH spoke with his siblings on what they were intending to do since fees went up. They didn't know what to do. After a period of time, they decided they were still going to sing up their kids.
MIL asked us if we were going to pay for both boys. We told her no, that the next year we'll skip, and probably look at a cheaper camp. It led to both maternal and paternal grandmother speaking to us. They wanted to speak with us. They told DH, he was raised going to the camp, and how it makes you an all around individual with manners and respect. They told him that they want to see all their greatgrandkids in the camp. They told him they were not taking no for an answer, and if we had money issues, let his mom pay for DS2 as it would be a great gift to him. DH told them he did not want to rely on his mother paying such money as he is his own man and can handle his own family.
When the boys got back, they told us how great the camp is and how they enjoyed it. They can't wait for next year. DH and I did not tell them that we were going to be only doing one of them at camp next year. We decided to wait before talking with them. After getting back from camp, all the grandkids went to my PIL's house for a weekend to watch movies and spend time with their greatgrandma's. At that weekend gathering, MIL told my boys that how DH and I were struggling and planning on only allowing one of them to go to camp next year, and the following year, the one who did not go, would get to go, while the other stayed home.
The boys came home pissed at us. They told us that it isn't fair and how we are being selfish. MIL had told them she was willing to pay for one of them and I did not want her to. I told them if they wanted to be rude, camp wan't happening next year. They kept quiet.
To attack me, MIL talked about my infertility and how I was wasting money on treatment for years so to get pregnant. She, and both GMIL's berated me saying how if I was not so greedy for a third baby, all the money I made DH spent for years, would have been handy to pay for the boys to go to camp. I felt so hurt when they said this to me. MIL told me I was so hungry for a baby, that I did not know when to stop even after DH and I suffered losses when having treatments. She blamed me for making DH and I having money problems.
To hurt me, I did not know how to respond. I kept my tongue quiet. Registration opens for camp in a few weeks. DH says he is going to sign up one of the boys. The weekend that just passed, MIL called DH and told him she was going to sign up DS2.
Can I get perspective on this?
