old poster / creeper on here have posted like once on here had to go anon for this. just warning i suck at spelling and sometimes my fingers move faster than my brain! lol
so DH and i are expecting our fist little one 
. well im having a lot of complications and am on travel restrictions along with a bunch of other restrictions! so my showers are super early. One is in my home town (21+ hours away from us) and one is his home town (13+ hours away from us).
our original plan was to go to his hometown first and then go to mine (12 hours away from each other). well we realized his youngest brother graduates when we were in my home town so we switched! The only person we told prior to my first ultrasound was his mother no one else! so she knew all of this knew when we were coming up and said once we announced to everyone else (FIL, SMIL, FOO) she'd call SMIL and start planning the baby shower for that sunday we're there. ok sounds good!
BG: SMIL and MIL get along very well SMIL has been in DH life since he was like 5 or 6 so almost 20 years now! MIL and FIL were never married had DH when they were very young. Stayed as friends for my DH.
so we announce to the other parents and tell SMIL and FIL when we're going to be there and that MIL will be calling you to plan the baby shower with her for the sunday after BIL graduation! But that all she needs from SMIL is addresses for that side of the family and her help with ideas for the shower thats it she doesn't need her to pay for anything because its at a park and its free! she said ok sounds good! we told her we even switched things around so we can be in town to be at BIL graduation ceremony.
Side Note: we've made it very clear to ALL family that no one will be visiting us for at least 2 weeks, and no one will be staying with us if and when they do come to visit everyone has said ok.... with the exception of SMIL shes been constantly trying to tell us and SIL that she will be flying out and FIL will fly back home and she will be staying for 2 weeks....uh no not happening! she kinda annoys me but i tolerate her. so shes already tried to get her way from the start and DH and i have shot her down everytime.
So end of Feb SMIL and FIL come to see us for a 4 day visit (she also asked many times if they should switch there vk to my due date so they're here for the birth and can help, no do not switch your plans) she mentioned how MIL hasn't called her about the baby shower and shes going to call her when they get back into town. ok sounds good and they were listing off how many people they were thinking from that side of the family! asked again when the shower was going to be and said ok perfect! so DH and i are thinking everything is good! they're going to get the addresses get them to MIL great!
more BG: DH and i got married in december 2013 it was a small ceremony no reception we plan on having a "vowel renewal" later down the road with a recption and such. Well MIL and SMIL were hell bent on having a reception for us when we came up in 2014, well neither spoke to each other about this until the weekend we were there so needless to say it was a bust! only like 10 people were there and no one from FIL and SMIL side of the family were even there! we recieved many phone calls from that side pissed off because they weren't invited to this and how dare we. we explained we didn't know who was or wasn't invited we didn't plan this. so DH and i have been on SMIL and MIL to make sure we're getting this done (i know i see the error in our ways in allowing them to even plan this shower).
so end of april comes and DH gets a call from MIL saying
MIL - SMIL isn't returning a phone call or a text did she get a new number?
DH - no she has the same number whats going on
MIL - i dont have names and address from her and these invitations need to go out really soon. I need to know how many invitations i need.
DH - maybe her schedule for work changed let me call her and call you back!
so we call SMIL
DH - Hey mom needs names and addresses from you she nees to get these invites out really soon.
SMIL - well we're planning on having on having a baby shower after she is born for you guys. Its just going to be so much for me to throw you guys a shower when we're doing BIL graduation party the day before. ( well this is news to us because they didn't have a grad party planned for him when said when the shower was! she wants us to come there within the month after shes born to visit, we can't leave the state for at least 2 months due to the altitude with the baby. we've told her no multiple times and the reasons why and we're not traveling with a new born).
DH - well we're not asking you to throw us another shower, we're only asking for addresses from you! we dont want 2 showers while we're up there! its going to be one with both sides! (we have my family his family and his work are having baby showers for us)
SMIL - ill talk to FIL and call you back later hes still at work.
DH - ok (we had unicorns and had thought that was going to be the end....i know stupid stupid stupid)
ff to a week ago, so about a week after we spoke to SMIL
DH - SMIL how are those addresses coming??
SMIL - what are you talking about? we talked about this and we're having a shower for you after shes born.
DH - no that is not what was decided i told you that wont work for us and we're doing one!
SMIL - ill talk to FIL when i get home.
DH- Hey dad we need addresses, SMIL is beating around the bush and mom needs these addresses today.
FIL - what are you talking about i dont know whats going on.
so we explain that SMIL said about the shower and doing one after and that its not going to work for us. all we need are addresses.
FIL - so all you need are addresses thats it??
DH - yes thats all we need nothing else!
FIL - give me till sunday and ill have them for you no problem, SMIL made it seem like we needed to have another shower the same day for you.
DH - nope not at all, thanks!
woohoo FIL to the rescue....WRONG that sunday was mothers day (so this past weekend) he got super busy with work and didn't get them.
i get a message on the debil from CIL, CIL and SMIL dont get along because CIL will tell SMIL no and she doesn't like that so she basically hates him! or at least acts like she does, like slapped him on mothers day!
CIL - just wanted to let you know, your SMIL is super pissed about this shower and was saying some nasty things about you to my mother.
ME - what do you mean??
CIL - im not going into details as to what she said because i was over hearing and i could be quoting wrong about the things she said about you. however everytime the baby shower was mentioned she got pissed!
ME - hmm interesting.
i inform DH when he gets home hey SMIL is apparently pissed at me and about this shower. he texts SMIL asking "do you have a problem with my wife and this baby shower?" she starts calling non stop! he finally answers her...
SMIL - no i dont have a problem with OP i love her. i have her number to keep in contact with her and we talk all the time (no, no we dont!) its just alot going on that weekend...and other stuff i couldnt hear.
DH - we're just asking you to get address but apparently this is too much for you. all you need to do is show up that sunday!!
SMIL - well with BIL grad party the day before i dont think many people from our side are going to show at your shower, thats a lot in one weekend. i dont want your feelings to be hurt if they dont show.
DH - if they dont show then they dont show, we want to at least extend an invitation to them and not be rude!
SMIL - we'll its just such a busy weekend for us.....
DH - let me ask you this, are you a dad planning on showing up to the shower?
SMIL - well i dont know....
SMIL - oh the boys got me this charm bracelet and it has a place for a birthstone and i can put my first gaaaandbabys stone in there...
DH - we have to go
so mean while we haven't spoke to FIL about all this but i started crying (im a big bag of hormones and its the first grandchild i know how excited FIL is!) so i think i was more so crying because he wont stand up or he doesn't know im not sure!
so yesterday DH gets a text from SMIL almost 12 hours after our convo.
SMIL - i wanna know who told you i have a problem with OP..
DH - no one, the way youre actions have been when the baby shower has been brought up and how you've been acting towards OP is speaking volumes. you're so hell bent on having things your way and its not what we're asking of you. we asked you help for part of it you dont have to do anything at the shower but show up and show support.
SMIL - but its not always about what you want either. i have told you i would be so stressed abd adding another thing that weeknd didn't seem to matter to you guys either. we dont have to combined everything. sometimes it will just have to be the two different sides son. i love you, i love OP too.
so we dont know how to respond to this, CIL informed us that she bassically sees DH and CIL as low on the tottom (that def spelled wrong) poll! DH said last night hes done with her, if she never meets our daughter he wont be upset, he refuses to allow SMIL to treat our child the way shes treated him growin up!
more BG: SMIL has a son whos 6 months older than DH hes the GC is married no kids yet but she talks mad shit about his wife to me (whom i refered to as SIL before). When DH was younger his girlfriend was pregnant (she told him its his, it wasn't) she got upset with SMIL and told her she'd never see the baby and she threw out grandparent rights. so i know if and when we inform her that she is CO for her actions shes going to bring this up! I've already looked up all the stuff on it so no legal advice.
DH and i need help with coming up what to say in responce to the text. and what to say at all! not hair flipping if it take awhile to respond im doing like 100 things at the moment! if you want more BG i will give it!
