I honestly don't know where to begin...
This has to do with my stepmother and sister. It's really a long history. These two have never gotten along since my dad married her when I was 5 and Dsis was 7. I'm 32 now. Step mom came with 2 teenage sons (they're not relevant here except for the fact that neither of them speak to her anymore). We were basically motherless because our mom was a drug addict. Drug addict mom and my dad divorced when I was about 1 or 2 and dad moved away for a couple years. He came back to visit and saw the deplorable conditions we were living in and took us back with him (uncontested by drug addict mom.)
When step mom came into the picture, it was like up until that point, my Dsis was my mom. She always looked out for me, even at the very young age she was, she took care of me. So when step mom became the new mom, Dsis had a hard time adjusting. They butted heads from day one until now.
FF to now...
Dsis' husband died earlier this year. They were only together 4 almost 5 years. Not even a month after that stepmom called her (I think Dsis was thinking it was to offer support and see if she needed anything). Boy was she wrong! Stepmom proceeded to tell Dsis that she didn't know her husband well enough anyway. And Stepmom doesn't think Dsis really even wants to be a mother to her kids (So not true! Dsis had her first child kind of young but she was an adult on her own and I think was just scared. The second, with her husband she jumped in head first and really embraced motherhood.) It was just mean to call a grieving widow and proceed to kick her while she's down. Stepmom never even offered to come help with the kids or cook some dinner, send some money...Nothing!
I never get involved in their disagreements. I love my little family and I'm a SAHM to 2 and 4 yr old boys. I spend most of my time with them and my DH. I'm a pretty low key person, but I'm not taking anyone's shit. I don't bring my shit to others, so don't bring yours to me or I will tell you where you can stick it. Where I come in is here. After that call, Dsis was so upset at a time when the only thing she needed was support and hugs. So I became sister bear. I felt like because the person she would have had in her corner just died, she needed someone else to stick up for her. (Not that she normally needs help, she's the strongest person I know!)
I called step mom to tell her to back off of my sister, and if she didn't have anything nice to say, to just leave her alone. Who messes with a grieving widow?! It just pissed me off! It's like watching a bully beat up another kid and not doing anything about it. That's not me, that's not how I was raised (oddly enough, by the bully in this situation). Step mom then says, "I know what it's like to lose someone. My mother died not long ago." Ugh, I know it's hard to lose a mother, but it is a little different to lose the partner you chose, and so young. Her mother was almost 80.
Now, we hang out with my dad without her (even he thinks she's wrong). We haven't spoken since Father's day. Today, when I saw him, he said she feels like she deserves an apology because I spoke to her like a child. (Well, if you act like one....) I really have no intention of giving her one, unless you guys convince me otherwise, but just want to double check. I love the holiday season, and with thanksgiving and Christmas coming up (because I know it will not be resolved before then) I need to know if I should go hard in not including her and doing our own thing. Because as of now, that's what I plan to do. Dad will figure out for himself what he wants to do. She's his wife, so he can deal with her.
So, dwil, do I owe her an apology for being disrespectful or perhaps, putting my nose where it didn't belong?
This has to do with my stepmother and sister. It's really a long history. These two have never gotten along since my dad married her when I was 5 and Dsis was 7. I'm 32 now. Step mom came with 2 teenage sons (they're not relevant here except for the fact that neither of them speak to her anymore). We were basically motherless because our mom was a drug addict. Drug addict mom and my dad divorced when I was about 1 or 2 and dad moved away for a couple years. He came back to visit and saw the deplorable conditions we were living in and took us back with him (uncontested by drug addict mom.)
When step mom came into the picture, it was like up until that point, my Dsis was my mom. She always looked out for me, even at the very young age she was, she took care of me. So when step mom became the new mom, Dsis had a hard time adjusting. They butted heads from day one until now.
FF to now...
Dsis' husband died earlier this year. They were only together 4 almost 5 years. Not even a month after that stepmom called her (I think Dsis was thinking it was to offer support and see if she needed anything). Boy was she wrong! Stepmom proceeded to tell Dsis that she didn't know her husband well enough anyway. And Stepmom doesn't think Dsis really even wants to be a mother to her kids (So not true! Dsis had her first child kind of young but she was an adult on her own and I think was just scared. The second, with her husband she jumped in head first and really embraced motherhood.) It was just mean to call a grieving widow and proceed to kick her while she's down. Stepmom never even offered to come help with the kids or cook some dinner, send some money...Nothing!
I never get involved in their disagreements. I love my little family and I'm a SAHM to 2 and 4 yr old boys. I spend most of my time with them and my DH. I'm a pretty low key person, but I'm not taking anyone's shit. I don't bring my shit to others, so don't bring yours to me or I will tell you where you can stick it. Where I come in is here. After that call, Dsis was so upset at a time when the only thing she needed was support and hugs. So I became sister bear. I felt like because the person she would have had in her corner just died, she needed someone else to stick up for her. (Not that she normally needs help, she's the strongest person I know!)
I called step mom to tell her to back off of my sister, and if she didn't have anything nice to say, to just leave her alone. Who messes with a grieving widow?! It just pissed me off! It's like watching a bully beat up another kid and not doing anything about it. That's not me, that's not how I was raised (oddly enough, by the bully in this situation). Step mom then says, "I know what it's like to lose someone. My mother died not long ago." Ugh, I know it's hard to lose a mother, but it is a little different to lose the partner you chose, and so young. Her mother was almost 80.
Now, we hang out with my dad without her (even he thinks she's wrong). We haven't spoken since Father's day. Today, when I saw him, he said she feels like she deserves an apology because I spoke to her like a child. (Well, if you act like one....) I really have no intention of giving her one, unless you guys convince me otherwise, but just want to double check. I love the holiday season, and with thanksgiving and Christmas coming up (because I know it will not be resolved before then) I need to know if I should go hard in not including her and doing our own thing. Because as of now, that's what I plan to do. Dad will figure out for himself what he wants to do. She's his wife, so he can deal with her.
So, dwil, do I owe her an apology for being disrespectful or perhaps, putting my nose where it didn't belong?