Ok I'm finally posting to ask you amazing ladies for much needed help!
I am a FTM with a 7 week old DD. DF and I live downstairs and my in laws live upstairs. Now this was an amazing arrangement with no issues until my daughter was born. I think there was red flags all along and I didn't notice. So I'm going to give you some BG on MIL...
MIL is a young grandma, she is a sweet woman and very generous. My DF is an only child and from the moment we started dating I thought she was wayyy to involved in his business. When my DF first moved out of his parents house when he was young she suffered seperation anxiety and had trouble with alcohol addiction (she is now in recovery and sober for years) .. When we first started dating she actually had a tracker on her iPhone that tracked his!!! She would track him!!! I shut that shit down!!! My DF is quiet and easy going and doesn't really say no to his mom that often! MIL and FIL have money but they never leave home.. They rarely go out anywhere and never vacation. They like to be homebodies with their 3 crazy German shepards.
When I became pregnant we were all excited of course.. I knew I was going to have a girl. MIL said she always wanted a girl but FIL didn't want anymore kids so she was praying that I was going to have a girl. I had a difficult high risk pregnancy and after EVERY appointment MIL would text for the latest updates. She knew we were finding out the gender at 17 weeks but asked after every apt if we knew if it was a girl yet. Finally at 17 weeks it was confirmed..girl !! MIL cried she was so happy.. Now here is where shit started to happen I think.
- she started to refer to my baby as HER baby, HER girl or OUR baby/girl
- I was going to leave my job and be a SAHM .. MIL gets home from work at 230..DF gets home at 430. MIL started constantly saying that when she gets home at 230 she was going to take my baby upstairs with her so that I can nap/rest until my DF came home from work. As a FTM I didn't know how I would feel or if I would want that so I never really answered her. I just let her say it. But she would say it allll the time !!
- she wanted to be In the delivery room (I said NOooo repeatedly) I labored 40 hours and had an emergency C and she was NOT there bc DF told her NO!
- she became obsessed with naming her and would text me makes she liked all day and write us lists of the names she liked! I finally had DF tell her he already picked a name he liked and we weren't telling anyone until her birth !! She asked me to tell her EVERYDAY but I refused!
- she asked me if me and DF were going to write a will in case we die and said that we will leave our DD to her and my mom can see her weekends! (I didn't know what to say) I said we aren't dying anytime soon!
On aug 5 I had my baby girl and nothing I planned happened. NICU took my baby for a week and gave her bottles and paci. I was suffering from the seperation and couldn't wait to get her home. I am struggling with breastfeeding and she's fussy so feeding her takes HOURS! When MIL learned that only me and DF were to feed her she was upset!
- our first day home as we pulled into the driveway MIL and FIL ran downstairs ,.. Mil pulled her out of her car seat and held her while saying to FIL "FIL our baby is finally home" I was upset bc I wanted to carry her into our place for the first time! I waited a long week to bring her home!
-when we gave DD first bath MIL hovered over us the entire time and still does during bath time.
- she tries to wake her when we ask her not to and laughs about it saying DD is cold, or had fuzz on her .. Any dumb excuse to touch her!
- I told her I am not comfortable leaving her and will not be leaving her upstairs at all! Well now she constantly asks to babysit or asks if I will leave baby upstairs with her and says once a week I should disapear with DF for the day and leave dd with her !! I keep saying no I get panicked just thibkibg about it! Well she still asks everyday but laughs when she says it !! Why is she trying to get me to leave my baby with her????
-she recently private messaged my best friend on FB (who she barely knows) and complained about me! She said that she doesn't feel like she has a granbaby and waited her whole life for DD, I only allow her son to see her (her father is very hands on and he does what he wants with HIS daughter), I'm trapping the baby down here and she's going to have her son put a stop to it (DF agrees with me that she's wrong), I better Change soon! She's trying to give us space but it's KILLING her! My friend responded with stop acting like it's your baby bc it's not.
- she cried that night she wrote my friend bc she was shocked my friend (whom she barely knows) told me. I confronted her with ...you see DD more than anyone, you see her everyday and hold her almost everyday what else did you expect? She said that she feels like she's missing out on dd whole life and even missed her first smile! I'm like "she's barely a month and her first smile was at 4am when we were all in bed!" DF told her that we will try to give her a few minutes to hold her everyday if it's possible.
Well now I feel obligated to let her hold my dd everyday ... I hate going up there bc I don't always want to hand over my dd. She is still making comments About me leaving DD with her and says all the time " I'll take her" " leave her with me" and looks at me and laughs bc she knows it upsets me I think... The other day we brought her up (kitchen is upstairs bc ours isn't done yet) 3 times the other day and MIL was talking to DD saying I didn't see you at all today (she saw her and hovered 3 times.. She just didn't hold her) wtf??!!! I want to set boundaries, I want to make them clear, how do I do this?? Why did she inbox MY friend and bitch about me? I don't want her to expect to see/hold DD everyday, I'm tired of the coments and asking to get her alone! Why is she trying so hard to get my DD alone?? Help me please
I am a FTM with a 7 week old DD. DF and I live downstairs and my in laws live upstairs. Now this was an amazing arrangement with no issues until my daughter was born. I think there was red flags all along and I didn't notice. So I'm going to give you some BG on MIL...
MIL is a young grandma, she is a sweet woman and very generous. My DF is an only child and from the moment we started dating I thought she was wayyy to involved in his business. When my DF first moved out of his parents house when he was young she suffered seperation anxiety and had trouble with alcohol addiction (she is now in recovery and sober for years) .. When we first started dating she actually had a tracker on her iPhone that tracked his!!! She would track him!!! I shut that shit down!!! My DF is quiet and easy going and doesn't really say no to his mom that often! MIL and FIL have money but they never leave home.. They rarely go out anywhere and never vacation. They like to be homebodies with their 3 crazy German shepards.
When I became pregnant we were all excited of course.. I knew I was going to have a girl. MIL said she always wanted a girl but FIL didn't want anymore kids so she was praying that I was going to have a girl. I had a difficult high risk pregnancy and after EVERY appointment MIL would text for the latest updates. She knew we were finding out the gender at 17 weeks but asked after every apt if we knew if it was a girl yet. Finally at 17 weeks it was confirmed..girl !! MIL cried she was so happy.. Now here is where shit started to happen I think.
- she started to refer to my baby as HER baby, HER girl or OUR baby/girl
- I was going to leave my job and be a SAHM .. MIL gets home from work at 230..DF gets home at 430. MIL started constantly saying that when she gets home at 230 she was going to take my baby upstairs with her so that I can nap/rest until my DF came home from work. As a FTM I didn't know how I would feel or if I would want that so I never really answered her. I just let her say it. But she would say it allll the time !!
- she wanted to be In the delivery room (I said NOooo repeatedly) I labored 40 hours and had an emergency C and she was NOT there bc DF told her NO!
- she became obsessed with naming her and would text me makes she liked all day and write us lists of the names she liked! I finally had DF tell her he already picked a name he liked and we weren't telling anyone until her birth !! She asked me to tell her EVERYDAY but I refused!
- she asked me if me and DF were going to write a will in case we die and said that we will leave our DD to her and my mom can see her weekends! (I didn't know what to say) I said we aren't dying anytime soon!
On aug 5 I had my baby girl and nothing I planned happened. NICU took my baby for a week and gave her bottles and paci. I was suffering from the seperation and couldn't wait to get her home. I am struggling with breastfeeding and she's fussy so feeding her takes HOURS! When MIL learned that only me and DF were to feed her she was upset!
- our first day home as we pulled into the driveway MIL and FIL ran downstairs ,.. Mil pulled her out of her car seat and held her while saying to FIL "FIL our baby is finally home" I was upset bc I wanted to carry her into our place for the first time! I waited a long week to bring her home!
-when we gave DD first bath MIL hovered over us the entire time and still does during bath time.
- she tries to wake her when we ask her not to and laughs about it saying DD is cold, or had fuzz on her .. Any dumb excuse to touch her!
- I told her I am not comfortable leaving her and will not be leaving her upstairs at all! Well now she constantly asks to babysit or asks if I will leave baby upstairs with her and says once a week I should disapear with DF for the day and leave dd with her !! I keep saying no I get panicked just thibkibg about it! Well she still asks everyday but laughs when she says it !! Why is she trying to get me to leave my baby with her????
-she recently private messaged my best friend on FB (who she barely knows) and complained about me! She said that she doesn't feel like she has a granbaby and waited her whole life for DD, I only allow her son to see her (her father is very hands on and he does what he wants with HIS daughter), I'm trapping the baby down here and she's going to have her son put a stop to it (DF agrees with me that she's wrong), I better Change soon! She's trying to give us space but it's KILLING her! My friend responded with stop acting like it's your baby bc it's not.
- she cried that night she wrote my friend bc she was shocked my friend (whom she barely knows) told me. I confronted her with ...you see DD more than anyone, you see her everyday and hold her almost everyday what else did you expect? She said that she feels like she's missing out on dd whole life and even missed her first smile! I'm like "she's barely a month and her first smile was at 4am when we were all in bed!" DF told her that we will try to give her a few minutes to hold her everyday if it's possible.
Well now I feel obligated to let her hold my dd everyday ... I hate going up there bc I don't always want to hand over my dd. She is still making comments About me leaving DD with her and says all the time " I'll take her" " leave her with me" and looks at me and laughs bc she knows it upsets me I think... The other day we brought her up (kitchen is upstairs bc ours isn't done yet) 3 times the other day and MIL was talking to DD saying I didn't see you at all today (she saw her and hovered 3 times.. She just didn't hold her) wtf??!!! I want to set boundaries, I want to make them clear, how do I do this?? Why did she inbox MY friend and bitch about me? I don't want her to expect to see/hold DD everyday, I'm tired of the coments and asking to get her alone! Why is she trying so hard to get my DD alone?? Help me please