About once a year, my MIL just pulls something to make me remember why I don't like or trust her. This time, I had a late meeting after school, and I warned my kids (old enough to be home without me fo a couple hours) that I'd be late.
When I got home, DD came to me and said, "I thought you were going to be late today," and I pointed out that I *was* late. She went back to the extra job she'd been assigned (folding 3 baskets of laundry) and I looked out the window to see MIL leaving my house and going across the back yard to her house. I have given DH responsibility for his mother, and he said that DD was in HUGE trouble for being sneaky and hiding the fact that she'd enlisted MIL's help for this task without asking. MIL sent the following email, and DH doesn't see it for the manipulation that it is.
I'm still beyond livid, and the fact that she was OK being in my house, but then didn't feel "comfortable" talking to me about WHY she was there just pisses me the hell off. AT this point, DH thinks her "explanation" was sufficient, but I really want to respond myself. But I'm not sure what to say.
Here's her email:
What happened Wednesday?
I sent you a text at 3:59 asking if you would allow us to go in your pool or play tennis in the street?
I did not hear from you so I thought you might say she had to do a chore before playing. I asked her if she had a chore to do. She told me she had laundry to fold. I suggested that it would go faster if I helped her, then we could play. She did not ask for help.
We worked together on the laundry, hoping you'd respond and say it's ok to play. We were not sneaking around.
When she said "Mom is home" while we were working, my automatic response was to leave. I didn't want OP to be offended by my "being in her space."
Both DD and I did not want a problem. If I were gone, there would be no problem. So, I left.
It's too bad that our effort to do the right thing, fold laundry before playing, was perceived to be sneaky. It's too bad that I didn't feel comfortable enough to explain that to OP instead of leaving. My going out made it look like I was trying to deceive OP/you, that I did something that I should feel guilty about. I do feel guilty about putting DD in an awkward situation.
Did we appear to be sneaky, having me to be in your house?
Did we appear to be sneaky, letting DD have help with her chore?
I should have asked before helping her.
She might have anticipated that my being there would be a problem. That was stressful for her.
I'm sorry that I left instead of explaining the situation to OP.
I am sorry that I entered your house without an invitation or permission. If OP had been there, I would not have gone in without calling first.
I am sorry that DD is in "deep trouble" because of my actions.
I believe in honesty. This whole scenario should have played out differently.
I feel responsible.
What do I have to do to make things better?
I am deeply sorry to have been the cause of a problem. I am especially sorry that DD is in deep trouble.
I do not want to be the cause of more stress in your life. I'm sorry we didn't discus it sooner. I feel really bad about this situation.
If your Dad were here, he would have told me to wait til I heard from you before doing anything with Lauren. He would have saved me from making a bad decision. I'm sorry.
Love,
Mom