I come to you in privacy.
My post may be long, but I need advice and issues link to each other.
I am Jewish and my DH was Anglican before he married me. He chose to convert to Judaism. When he chose to, his mom did not like it. She told him he was selling his soul, and how he was a pussy to convert to Judaism. He chose to go forth with converting. When he did, we put her in TO as she was a pest.
We decided to start our family last year. Sadly, my pregnancy ended with our twins being born at 23 weeks, and did not make it. This was in July of this year. DH is in a demanding job which makes him travel. My MIL was in TO for 10 months and 2 weeks. She came back into our life last year after begging for forgiveness, and giving us our space without us having to tell her. She scaled back on phone calls, visiting and nagging DH. Seeing she was doing great, we were pleased in the effort she had done. When we found out that we were going to be parents, we told our family. My MIL was not encroaching. The way she turned out after the TO made me feel she was a great MIL and not one who I would have future problems with.
Through the pregnancy, she gave us our space. Fast forward to May. When DH started traveling, we got a helper to do cleaning in the house. I took sick and was home recuperating. From that moment, my MIL would come over asking why we had a stranger in our home cleaning when she was available and could help look after me and clean for me. I told her we were ok with our helper and her concerns are not to be a worry. In July, I took sick when the helper was here and she had to rush me to the hospital. DH was away when it happened. While in the hospital numb and mourning, she said in front of DH and I how it happened for a reason, and was a sign from G-d based of how we were living. She told us that we weren't stable, DH traveling a lot and I home alone was G-d way of telling us we would not have been good parents to our twins and would have problems. DH told her to get out the hospital and not come back or visit the house.
We did not hear her for days.
One day we got a call from a family friend asking us whether we still had the strollers we bought, and how much money we would be willing to take. We were confused and felt the person was being blatantly rude. DH started to cuss them and they told him they only called after seeing a post from his mother about us having baby stuff, and if anyone wanted stuff or knew others who wanted stuff, she told people to contact us. I went on to see the post and she was telling people to contact us. What was so heartwrenching, is that she was selling/giving away baby stuff of hers too. She had a crib, pack and play, onesies, changing tables and lots of other stuff. We called her and asked she take the post down and stop telling people our number and our business. We told her she should be ashamed of wanting us to get rid of the twins stuff . She told us, well it is not like you are going to have babies soon, and it makes no sense to keep things you won't have use for anymore. She told us, work on your marriage first, and then think about babies.
She told family members how she lost her son and then her grandbabies. She said she wanted him to wake up and get someone better. From since then, we have her in TO. She has been in TO for two months now. Around Labor Day, we got invitation for Thanksgiving from her. She asks for her guests to RSVP. We declined. Since we declined, she had been talking my name to every person possible. She told them how I am poisoning her son, how we did not speak to her for monts before, and now after our loss, I have gone crazy and trying to stop her son from being around his family. DH told her she is the crazy one and needs to change.
On my Facebook I posted my ultrasound and a caption of how much I miss my babies. I even told people the names we were going to give them. My MIL responded on my photo and said how G-d spared them from entering a world where two parents have no stability, and a mother who is vindictive. I deleted and blocked her.
Monday, she had a minor stroke. DH has not gone, neither have I. We have not even called to see how she is doing. My FIL came over and told us that no matter what problems we have with his wife, we should have still showed up to visit and be there for her. He asked DH if his mom had died, would it be the same way. DH said yes. FIL told us we were being cowards and should have compassion to be there for her. He said life changing things like a stroke can change people for the better, and we should forgive her.
We have not gone to visit as yet. My BIL's and SIL's have been calling us and telling us we are two ungrateful people, and acting like the world revolves around us. MIL is still in the hospital and been asking for DH. We told them how we want nothing to do with her, and they told us we were being heartless. They asked DH how he would feel if she passed away and he did not get to see or talk to her. Today, DH said he would go visit her on Monday. One of my BIL's called to tell us how she does not want me to visit her, only DH.
Seeing she is still in TO, would his going to visit her be breaking our TO?