Hi All. I posted here a while back about issues escalating with my inlaws. We created some distance and DH and I have continued therapy, things have been pretty quiet. My husbands niece is 9 and she has some developmental issues and severe anxiety, no diagnosis as far as we know. When my LO was born 9 months ago she was extremely jealous, threatened physical violence, name calling, hitting my MIL and SIL when talking to/about him, meltdowns when they would hold him, and general negativity. We tolerated this for 3 months an when things weren't improving I expressed to MIL that this behavior was concerning us and the fact that nobody was doing anything to redirect her behavior in the moment as well. She agreed with me but told DH we should talk to his sister directly which I agreed with. I reached out to her via email and stated the same, what we were seeing and hearing a why we felt it needed to be dealt with - when he is old enough to understand others intentions, language etc that would not be healthy for him and asked if there could be a healthier way for her to express her feelings. SIL sent me a one sentence response satin she would call me, but never did. A couple if months later the issue came up again with my MIL who told me SIL had seen a therapist regarding the issue and was told to just keep telling her "when you were little you did..." And remain positive and eventually it would get better. I said that it doesn't matter how many times you say when you were little when no effort is made to redirect and let her know behavior is not acceptable nothing will change. Also that I attempted to talk to SIL about the issue with no acknowledgement of my concerns or response. MIL didn't want to hear that an rushed me off the phone, for the next few months she became increasingly passive aggressive and snotty with me until things escalated to a point where we had to take a break from them. Things with inlaws have generally gotten better but we aren't taking our guard down. My niece does not physically or verbally threaten my LO that we know of; however, she is still extremely jealous and acts out. She was the only grandchild for 8 years, parents are divorced and inlaws are basically her nuclear family. DH is upset because she is there every time we see the inlaws and makes it difficult for them to spend quality time with LO, but it is their choice to have her there, they are extremely close. She sees them every day an he sees them about once a month. An example: went to dinner Saturday for a birthday and we coaxed SIL and niece to ride back to our house in our car for dessert. When we got there SIL took LO out of the car seat and when niece saw her holding him she charged toward her yelling, crying, melting down. I quickly look over and I see the look of terror on my LOs face as he then starts to scream and cry out of fear. I immediately take hi and walk inside, he calms after a few minutes and the others come inside. At this point everyone continues with their evening with no mention of the incident whatsoever. In this situation I have no idea what is appropriate for me to say I expect from anyone in this family regarding this. My LO is getting older and I don't want him to be traumatized by future outbursts which are guaranteed to happen. SIL doesn't usually hold him but when she has there has only been two times that there hasn't been a meltdown. While things have definitely improved in 9 months, this is nowhere near acceptable to me and this family seems perfectly fine with coddling her through this and blaming her anxiety. Ughhhh help!!!
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