I know this isn't typical DWIL territory but I'm at a loss and would love some insight. I'm going to try to keep this brief and can fill in backstory if questions arise.
My grandmother is 84 years old. I have helped her for the last 15 years with her medical stuff, business affairs and a little financially from time to time. My grandfather died over 20 years ago and she never remarried. She has a son who is a total freeloading piece of shit. He has never had a job (and by never I mean never) and has mooched off her his entire life. Despite the fact that she is essentially destitute and has been for the last several years, he continues to "borrow" money from her. It stopped being my problem when I stopped helping her financially until she was in desperate need of a place to live. She had two weeks to leave her last place and no money. As a result, my husband and I renovated and furnished a friend's cottage and negotiated a rate she could afford far below market value rent. She has a raging sense of entitlement and never once said thank you. Went so far as to say the time and money we spent was not her problem. Ummmm ok. Well the one condition we had was that her son could not be there. If she wanted to see him she had to go to Starbucks or something. He's a thief and my friend is self employed with expensive equipment there at the house. I don't trust he won't steal from them. We are two weeks in and I just received the call from my friend that he's there and apparently staying for a couple days. I am livid. Feels like a big F you after all we've done. Am I in the wrong for telling her he can't be there? Would it make me a giant asshole if I told her she has 60 days to find somewhere else to live and leave her to work it out for herself? She's starting to show signs of mild dementia and has a hard time coordinating stuff like this on her own but I'm tired of doing it for her only to have it benefit him in the long run. I feel taken advantage of and am tired of my nuclear family including two children under the age of three sacrificing for people who don't appreciate it. But because she's so old and has such difficulties managing her own affairs, I feel conflicted. What do I do, wise DWILers??
My grandmother is 84 years old. I have helped her for the last 15 years with her medical stuff, business affairs and a little financially from time to time. My grandfather died over 20 years ago and she never remarried. She has a son who is a total freeloading piece of shit. He has never had a job (and by never I mean never) and has mooched off her his entire life. Despite the fact that she is essentially destitute and has been for the last several years, he continues to "borrow" money from her. It stopped being my problem when I stopped helping her financially until she was in desperate need of a place to live. She had two weeks to leave her last place and no money. As a result, my husband and I renovated and furnished a friend's cottage and negotiated a rate she could afford far below market value rent. She has a raging sense of entitlement and never once said thank you. Went so far as to say the time and money we spent was not her problem. Ummmm ok. Well the one condition we had was that her son could not be there. If she wanted to see him she had to go to Starbucks or something. He's a thief and my friend is self employed with expensive equipment there at the house. I don't trust he won't steal from them. We are two weeks in and I just received the call from my friend that he's there and apparently staying for a couple days. I am livid. Feels like a big F you after all we've done. Am I in the wrong for telling her he can't be there? Would it make me a giant asshole if I told her she has 60 days to find somewhere else to live and leave her to work it out for herself? She's starting to show signs of mild dementia and has a hard time coordinating stuff like this on her own but I'm tired of doing it for her only to have it benefit him in the long run. I feel taken advantage of and am tired of my nuclear family including two children under the age of three sacrificing for people who don't appreciate it. But because she's so old and has such difficulties managing her own affairs, I feel conflicted. What do I do, wise DWILers??
