Long time lurker, first time poster. Not going anonymous because I really DGAF.
BG: MIL is my BEC. DH has pretty much dropped the rope with her but I feel some sick twisted obligation to bring DDs (ages 1.5 and 6.5) over to see her every now and then. This is my problem, I know. We've been through a lot. I converted to Islam when ODD was 1 and the ILs flipped their shit, had out of state aunts spying on me via the Internet, etc. Found out later that she called DH a loser because he has a low-paying job and we struggled a lot. I started shining my spine and things have gotten a lot better.
On to the problem at hand. I'm guess I'm asking for a reality check because I was starting to think she was trainable, but now I'm not so sure.
Two things:
1. DH and I have been asking her for the last three years if there was any way she could have Christmas Eve dinner earlier in the day. I realize now that this was us being entitled - she can have her party when she wants and we can either go or not. The last two years we've not gone because it's just too difficult with two children. However, this year Golden Child BIL's girlfriend asked if she could change the date completely and MIL said YES. At first I thought, "Well that makes it easier for us," but the more I thought about it the more pissed I got. She wouldn't budge for us but will have Christmas on an entirely different day for BIL. And it will still be boring and suck, so...still don't really want to go. Need to talk to DH about it more, but he hates seeing his mother. After he sees her he's emotionally screwed up for a few days after. (I can give more BG on his childhood, etc. if need be).
2. FIL passed over 7 years ago. MIL is still mourning. That's fine, I understand if she still hurts. My issue is that when I visited her with the DDs on Saturday (DH did not join us) she went into this long tirade about how she wants ODD (who was born after FIL passed), YBIL and OBIL to watch some slideshow about their dad so they can "Bring up those feelings that they're not dealing with anymore." I responded that she's still mourning and they aren't. I don't know. She's weirdly fixated on it. And she expects ODD to watch it and have some sort of emotional reaction for a man she's never met. It just skeeved me out.
So, ladies, and UpsetDaddy, if you're listening: I need to just drop, light on fire, piss on and then bury the rope, yes? I just want to make sure I'm not the one being an asshole because she's my BEC.
BG: MIL is my BEC. DH has pretty much dropped the rope with her but I feel some sick twisted obligation to bring DDs (ages 1.5 and 6.5) over to see her every now and then. This is my problem, I know. We've been through a lot. I converted to Islam when ODD was 1 and the ILs flipped their shit, had out of state aunts spying on me via the Internet, etc. Found out later that she called DH a loser because he has a low-paying job and we struggled a lot. I started shining my spine and things have gotten a lot better.
On to the problem at hand. I'm guess I'm asking for a reality check because I was starting to think she was trainable, but now I'm not so sure.
Two things:
1. DH and I have been asking her for the last three years if there was any way she could have Christmas Eve dinner earlier in the day. I realize now that this was us being entitled - she can have her party when she wants and we can either go or not. The last two years we've not gone because it's just too difficult with two children. However, this year Golden Child BIL's girlfriend asked if she could change the date completely and MIL said YES. At first I thought, "Well that makes it easier for us," but the more I thought about it the more pissed I got. She wouldn't budge for us but will have Christmas on an entirely different day for BIL. And it will still be boring and suck, so...still don't really want to go. Need to talk to DH about it more, but he hates seeing his mother. After he sees her he's emotionally screwed up for a few days after. (I can give more BG on his childhood, etc. if need be).
2. FIL passed over 7 years ago. MIL is still mourning. That's fine, I understand if she still hurts. My issue is that when I visited her with the DDs on Saturday (DH did not join us) she went into this long tirade about how she wants ODD (who was born after FIL passed), YBIL and OBIL to watch some slideshow about their dad so they can "Bring up those feelings that they're not dealing with anymore." I responded that she's still mourning and they aren't. I don't know. She's weirdly fixated on it. And she expects ODD to watch it and have some sort of emotional reaction for a man she's never met. It just skeeved me out.
So, ladies, and UpsetDaddy, if you're listening: I need to just drop, light on fire, piss on and then bury the rope, yes? I just want to make sure I'm not the one being an asshole because she's my BEC.