*Edit to change title for update*
Hello all, first time poster here, but have read around quite a bit. I don't want to make this incredibly long, so I will just stick with the current issue I am having. I feel my biggest issue here may be needing to "shine my spine" as you say!
My relationship with my ILs has been far from perfect, it is kind of hot and cold, the cold typically ending up being not talking for a little while and then they carry on like nothing has happened which has kept me in a forever-feeling-akward phase with them.
The past couple weeks I haven't talked with anyone in my DHs family, and I havent talked to or seen my SIL for months. Yesterday, SIL wrote me to ask if she and her SO could join us to take my DS to the holiday fest we attend every year.
I feel a tad bit selfish saying no just because I enjoy my DH, DS and I having a day together alone, and holidays are special.
I have felt that my SIL and other ILs really only show up when they want to or around a holiday. Which is fine, except when they say all the time "whenever you want help with DS I'll be there" and then say no, but want to be there for a holiday or other fun event, it irritates me. DH and I are here for all the not so fun days, so I want us to be the ones there for the special days.
My questions are, is it selfish to want the holidays to just our nuclear family?
Am I reading too much into things thinking that it's not fair for them to only show up for special times?
(Quick BG on that note, last year when we were moving we asked each of the ILs to help us with DS while we tended to the move, all of them said no, and I later found out 2 of the 4 parties involved lied about why they couldnt come.)