Background: my mom got pregnant at 18. Her and my bio were not in a long term relationship. Bio wanted nothing to do with raising a child together. He gave up his rights. Mom went on to marry the man I call dad 2 years later. He legally adopted me and has always been my father in every sense of the term.
I was sent to bio's house on Christmas and my birthday every year. When I was young it was okay. It started to get awkward around 12 years old, when I realized I was visiting a bunch of strangers every year. Once bio remarried, his wife stepped in and tried to forge a relationship between the 3 of us. They had a baby. Those years were okay. I visited a couple times a year and chatted on the phone sometimes. Then bio and his wife got a divorce and most communication stopped. Between 17-23, 24 years old I only saw him a handful of times. He came to my wedding ceremony and then I didn't hear from him for 2 years.
tragically, bio's son (my half brother) was killed in an accident at 9 years old. After not hearing from bio in a few years I got a call from his family member informing me of what happened. I was shocked and saddened, mainly for the relationship I missed out on with my brother. I went to the funeral and spent 3 days being there for the family. I was also pregnant and announced the news. That made bio very happy and emotional, he was kissing and hugging me and crying, and I was very uncomfortable. We never touched, or said I love you.
After his child died he started reaching out to me. Calling, texing, saying I love you. It was very overwhelming. During the time I didn't see him, I came to peace with the way our relationship was and didn't have any "daddy issues". Him trying to insert himself back into my life has caused great anxiety. I feel bad because he lost a child, but he is very obviously trying to build a relationship with me as a result of the tragedy he experienced.
Since my child was born bio has saw him once. He calls himself grandpa and talks about his grandson (I never called him dad, only by his name so the use of " grandpa" bothers me). He texts me and talks about how he wants to see his "grandson". I honestly never intended for my children to know him.
I'm trying to keep my distance. I tell him I'm busy, or sometimes ignore his texts. I never return the affectionate words back. I did let him come over once, and also tried to make plans to see him once, but he cancelled. Since trying to create distance I've had other members of his family step in and tell me they don't believe I'm that busy and they are buying gifts for my child so they should be allowed to see him.
Every single time I get a text or phone call from bio I have major anxiety! It's all I think about for days, I dream about it, I feel sick. I just want the contact to end. I have a life he knows nothing about and I like it that way. I have no feelings of attachment toward him whatsoever. I feel bad for him that he lost a child. I feel bad that he is feeling regret over how our relationship went over the years. But I also know it's not my job to fix his life. How do I handle this? I am pregnant again and dreading them finding out. He has backed off a little, now only texting once every few months, but it still causes me anxiety and he still asks to see my son. I am a major introvert, non confrontational person. My ideal solution would be he would just get the hint and stop, but I don't know how long that will take, or when it will happen. I think I provided most of the essential info, but feel free to ask if you need more.
I was sent to bio's house on Christmas and my birthday every year. When I was young it was okay. It started to get awkward around 12 years old, when I realized I was visiting a bunch of strangers every year. Once bio remarried, his wife stepped in and tried to forge a relationship between the 3 of us. They had a baby. Those years were okay. I visited a couple times a year and chatted on the phone sometimes. Then bio and his wife got a divorce and most communication stopped. Between 17-23, 24 years old I only saw him a handful of times. He came to my wedding ceremony and then I didn't hear from him for 2 years.
tragically, bio's son (my half brother) was killed in an accident at 9 years old. After not hearing from bio in a few years I got a call from his family member informing me of what happened. I was shocked and saddened, mainly for the relationship I missed out on with my brother. I went to the funeral and spent 3 days being there for the family. I was also pregnant and announced the news. That made bio very happy and emotional, he was kissing and hugging me and crying, and I was very uncomfortable. We never touched, or said I love you.
After his child died he started reaching out to me. Calling, texing, saying I love you. It was very overwhelming. During the time I didn't see him, I came to peace with the way our relationship was and didn't have any "daddy issues". Him trying to insert himself back into my life has caused great anxiety. I feel bad because he lost a child, but he is very obviously trying to build a relationship with me as a result of the tragedy he experienced.
Since my child was born bio has saw him once. He calls himself grandpa and talks about his grandson (I never called him dad, only by his name so the use of " grandpa" bothers me). He texts me and talks about how he wants to see his "grandson". I honestly never intended for my children to know him.
I'm trying to keep my distance. I tell him I'm busy, or sometimes ignore his texts. I never return the affectionate words back. I did let him come over once, and also tried to make plans to see him once, but he cancelled. Since trying to create distance I've had other members of his family step in and tell me they don't believe I'm that busy and they are buying gifts for my child so they should be allowed to see him.
Every single time I get a text or phone call from bio I have major anxiety! It's all I think about for days, I dream about it, I feel sick. I just want the contact to end. I have a life he knows nothing about and I like it that way. I have no feelings of attachment toward him whatsoever. I feel bad for him that he lost a child. I feel bad that he is feeling regret over how our relationship went over the years. But I also know it's not my job to fix his life. How do I handle this? I am pregnant again and dreading them finding out. He has backed off a little, now only texting once every few months, but it still causes me anxiety and he still asks to see my son. I am a major introvert, non confrontational person. My ideal solution would be he would just get the hint and stop, but I don't know how long that will take, or when it will happen. I think I provided most of the essential info, but feel free to ask if you need more.