This is an anon account, I have had my original account since 2011 but wanted to have some anonymity in case my family finds my original one. I have my bgp on and read the sticky.
My dh and I have been together for 5 years and have two children that are 3 and 1. We live approx 5-30 minutes away from both of our families. After reading this board I realized that we have issues with both our families (enmeshment, control, etc) and am trying to break the cycle. I would prefer to not CO completely, but will if necessary.
Since we first started dating we have always gone to my parents houses (2 separate places) for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I can give more info if needed. We aren't comfortable going to his families house so I started making all the plans, food etc and having them over to our house after our first child was born. Up until this year they always came before or after the Holiday, because we were going between my families houses on the actual day.
After having both kids and rushing through the entire day on Christmas last year we decided that something has to change because it's too hectic. It also made me realize that we haven't spent many Holidays with dh's family so we have been discussing ways to cut back or make changes so everyone is happier. (Delusional I now know!)
I texted mil and offered to have dinner at our house again and asked what day would work for them. She wrote back that they would like to come over and would let me know everyones work schedule by Tuesday night. I hadn't heard anything and wanted to start planning dinner so dh stopped by their house on his way home from work today. When he asked about Thanksgiving she apparently got mad and said that they feel left out because we are always at my families houses on the actual day of the Holiday and they have to come over before or after and that my family gets to see our kids more. (There is background here if anyone needs it) So he told her that he would talk to me and we would get back to her.
I texted her that I didn't know they were upset about the day we have dinner and that I never intended to leave them out. I also asked if they would like to come over early Thanksgiving afternoon for dinner.
Here is where the issue is. She texted dh instead of me hours later that we could do it another day because she wasn't ruining anyone's plans. He called her and apparently she was crying so hard he couldn't understand what she was saying. She is stressed about house repairs and her job so Thanksgiving plans apparently were too much for her to handle. This is the only time I know of her having this kind of reaction in our relationship. After telling her multiple times that she wouldn't be imposing and that they were welcome to come over he got off the phone with her. I didn't hear the conversation.
I think she is trying to manipulate him and he fell for it. I also feel that she put me in a situation where I looked bad either way. I don't know where to go from here so I thought I would post.
Please help me!
My dh and I have been together for 5 years and have two children that are 3 and 1. We live approx 5-30 minutes away from both of our families. After reading this board I realized that we have issues with both our families (enmeshment, control, etc) and am trying to break the cycle. I would prefer to not CO completely, but will if necessary.
Since we first started dating we have always gone to my parents houses (2 separate places) for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I can give more info if needed. We aren't comfortable going to his families house so I started making all the plans, food etc and having them over to our house after our first child was born. Up until this year they always came before or after the Holiday, because we were going between my families houses on the actual day.
After having both kids and rushing through the entire day on Christmas last year we decided that something has to change because it's too hectic. It also made me realize that we haven't spent many Holidays with dh's family so we have been discussing ways to cut back or make changes so everyone is happier. (Delusional I now know!)
I texted mil and offered to have dinner at our house again and asked what day would work for them. She wrote back that they would like to come over and would let me know everyones work schedule by Tuesday night. I hadn't heard anything and wanted to start planning dinner so dh stopped by their house on his way home from work today. When he asked about Thanksgiving she apparently got mad and said that they feel left out because we are always at my families houses on the actual day of the Holiday and they have to come over before or after and that my family gets to see our kids more. (There is background here if anyone needs it) So he told her that he would talk to me and we would get back to her.
I texted her that I didn't know they were upset about the day we have dinner and that I never intended to leave them out. I also asked if they would like to come over early Thanksgiving afternoon for dinner.
Here is where the issue is. She texted dh instead of me hours later that we could do it another day because she wasn't ruining anyone's plans. He called her and apparently she was crying so hard he couldn't understand what she was saying. She is stressed about house repairs and her job so Thanksgiving plans apparently were too much for her to handle. This is the only time I know of her having this kind of reaction in our relationship. After telling her multiple times that she wouldn't be imposing and that they were welcome to come over he got off the phone with her. I didn't hear the conversation.
I think she is trying to manipulate him and he fell for it. I also feel that she put me in a situation where I looked bad either way. I don't know where to go from here so I thought I would post.
Please help me!