Lurker gone Anon.
I'm American, my DH isn't. We live in the US. Being from two different cultures, we raise our sons to know American lifestyles, and their fathers lifestyle and traditions. I'm not saying where he is from as I'm trying to be anonymous. I have a SIL on here, and don't want her to find any clues.
Where he's from, they believe strongly in Academics, and that children should be gifted and always get good grades. I've always believed that pushing a child over can be negative, so with them, I don't put one over the other. I treat them equally, and award them on effort, but give them push to pick up the slack and focus.
My in laws have been here many times, and now our kids are getting older, they (my in laws) push their agenda on the kids. Last school year, one of the boys came home with all A's. His brother got C's. When school ended, my FIL called asking how they did. He told our son who got C's that he was a disappointment and if he didn't get A's like his brother, he'd not get yo be a doctor, lawyer or engineer. I told FIL he was wrong for calling my son a disappointment, and we ended the call. Through summer, he called wanting our other son to be going out with them, and they'll tell us how the C student needed to be in summer school, or get lessons as he was a slacker. Once, MIL told my son that if he got B's and A's this new year, she'll give him $500. Since the new school year started, he's been working harder, becUse he wants the $500 and not fail MIL.
When mid term came, his grades were not to MIL's liking. FIL told him he was not impressed and he should be like his brother who is A student. My DH came home with the boys pissed one day, and told me how his father told our son how he should not look at going to college because he'll waste his parents money. Our son is not even in High School yet. My DH was furious because he never expected such problems, and when our son cried, FIL called him soft. I ended up calling FIL and giving him words.
Last week, FIL showed up with many gifts he ordered for our son. Our son is going to have a birthday soon. My MIL wants to host and plan it, and said she wants a theme that is professional, based on education. She asked our son if he wants a dress up theme where he and his friends dress up as professions thay want to be. I told her no such theme is going to happen, and let it be a normal birthday. Just because I'm shutting her down, she said its a wonder where my C student got his brains from, meaning me. She wanted to host it for our son who gets good grades. I told her she has issues, she told me I fail as a mom because I don't give my son focus to be better, and when he fails in life, it's on me.
I attempted time out, and yesterday, came home to gifts on the door step from my FIL for our son. I drove to their home and returned them without knocking on the door. I got a call from FIL telling me I'm ungrateful and what he does with his money is between him and my son, not me.
I need advice.
I'm American, my DH isn't. We live in the US. Being from two different cultures, we raise our sons to know American lifestyles, and their fathers lifestyle and traditions. I'm not saying where he is from as I'm trying to be anonymous. I have a SIL on here, and don't want her to find any clues.
Where he's from, they believe strongly in Academics, and that children should be gifted and always get good grades. I've always believed that pushing a child over can be negative, so with them, I don't put one over the other. I treat them equally, and award them on effort, but give them push to pick up the slack and focus.
My in laws have been here many times, and now our kids are getting older, they (my in laws) push their agenda on the kids. Last school year, one of the boys came home with all A's. His brother got C's. When school ended, my FIL called asking how they did. He told our son who got C's that he was a disappointment and if he didn't get A's like his brother, he'd not get yo be a doctor, lawyer or engineer. I told FIL he was wrong for calling my son a disappointment, and we ended the call. Through summer, he called wanting our other son to be going out with them, and they'll tell us how the C student needed to be in summer school, or get lessons as he was a slacker. Once, MIL told my son that if he got B's and A's this new year, she'll give him $500. Since the new school year started, he's been working harder, becUse he wants the $500 and not fail MIL.
When mid term came, his grades were not to MIL's liking. FIL told him he was not impressed and he should be like his brother who is A student. My DH came home with the boys pissed one day, and told me how his father told our son how he should not look at going to college because he'll waste his parents money. Our son is not even in High School yet. My DH was furious because he never expected such problems, and when our son cried, FIL called him soft. I ended up calling FIL and giving him words.
Last week, FIL showed up with many gifts he ordered for our son. Our son is going to have a birthday soon. My MIL wants to host and plan it, and said she wants a theme that is professional, based on education. She asked our son if he wants a dress up theme where he and his friends dress up as professions thay want to be. I told her no such theme is going to happen, and let it be a normal birthday. Just because I'm shutting her down, she said its a wonder where my C student got his brains from, meaning me. She wanted to host it for our son who gets good grades. I told her she has issues, she told me I fail as a mom because I don't give my son focus to be better, and when he fails in life, it's on me.
I attempted time out, and yesterday, came home to gifts on the door step from my FIL for our son. I drove to their home and returned them without knocking on the door. I got a call from FIL telling me I'm ungrateful and what he does with his money is between him and my son, not me.
I need advice.