Earlier updates: 5, 10, 18, 26, 28, 31, 41, 43, 52, 62, 89, 99, 102

Longtime lurker, going anon because a lot of people I know in real life know my normal sn. Sorry if this gets long!

BG: DH and I have been together 7 years, married for 5. He's 28, I'm 27. We're in the UK. We have a 3.5yo ODS, a 10mo YDS and I'm about 34 weeks pregnant with #3. My mum and dad live about an hour away and are reasonably normal people. MIL and FIL live about an hour away and are usually reasonably normal people. We see my parents a couple of times a month maybe, MIL and FIL maybe every 6 weeks. Just how DH and I prefer it. MIL can a bit of a pushy PITA, but we shut her down and she's always very good about apologising, stepping back and not repeating the offence. Hooray. FIL rarely stomps boundaries and once again is good about apologising when he does, is normally good company, and looks a bit like a younger Harrison Ford (this part is relevant). 

On to my point. A friend had her wedding yesterday and invited DH, my BFF, her DH and me to her evening party (we all knew her at uni). DH and I rarely get a chance to see friends from uni these days, so we asked my mum to come over and watch the boys for the night and went. All started off swimmingly.

BFF, BFF's DH (I'll call him Jack so that I don't have to keep saying BFF's DH), DH and I went to the party together. It was about half an hour away from our house and I didn't have to stop to throw up or have a wee once. This night was clearly going to be a winner! Then we get there and see that there is to be no winning this. FIL and MIL were there because it turns out Bride's mum is friends with them, but this wasn't the problem (yet). The problem was that Groom's FOO is a clusterfuck of BSCrazies. Poor Bride. Bride's MIL was wearing a funeral dress, there is no question that it was a funeral dress. Bride's FIL was passed out dead drunk in a chair. Bride's GPIL were having a raging argument about The War (and no, I don't know which war or whether either was actually ever involved in said war). "Never Gonna Give You Up" was playing when we walked in. And because it was the evening party, everyone who hadn't just turned up was already drunk.

DH was driving, so he drank copious amounts of Pepsi Max while Jack had one or two whiskey somethings. BFF wasn't having any of this shit and got shit-faced in what felt like two minutes flat. She and Bride had a spectacular time dancing until BFF got tired and came back to sit with me (I don't know if any of you have tried to dance at a wedding party while heavily pregnant, nauseated and not allowed to drink, but it ain't a treat. So I spent most of the evening sitting with a trusty nappy bag at the ready to catch any sick I couldn't get to the bathroom fast enough to expel).

DH and Jack got coralled into a conversation with some bloke they knew at uni and wandered off for a while. I spotted MIL somewhere in the crowd but lost track of her soon after. I saw FIL fending off some drunk cousins of the Bride's who thought he was dishy before I lost track of him too. BFF and I stayed at our table and chatted for a bit, though it wasn't very coherent because I was afraid I'd throw up if I talked too much and she was drunk.

(Guys, if you're struggling with all this, I'm sorry. But the scene needed to be set.)

Then BFF fell off her chair (relevant, I promise). She decided the floor was comfy and got settled in under the table. I was about to go fetch Jack when FIL came up.

He sat down on the chair next to mine. He was drunk too (because why wouldn't you be at that crazyfest?) but in a respectable way. He looked at me, dead serious, and said, "Ez, I wouldn't say this if I weren't drunk and if you weren't too nice to smack me in the teeth, but I like you very much."

So I said, "Thanks, FIL. That's very nice."

"No," he said, "I mean I like you. In a not very FIL way."

He actually said "FIL", by the way, as in "fill".

"What's a fill way?"

"Father-in-law. I like you in a way that isn't like a father-in-law likes his daughter-in-law." He cringed, then went on. "I fancy you. Have for a couple of years now. I'm sorry. I just wanted to say it and get it out of my head. I'll never act on it and I'll never be inappropriate, I swear, I just wanted you to know."

And then I threw up.

It's not as bad as it sounds because a) I had my trust nappy bag! and b) FIL didn't take it personally. I rushed off to the bathroom to finish throwing up and sort myself out and then just stood there for a while too shocked to do anything. Had the Groom's BSC family infected FIL? I could think of no other explanation.

When I went back, FIL was gone but BFF had emerged from under the table. She'd heard everything. She swore not to tell, of course, but her view of the matter was "you're so lucky! Look at him!"

So no help there, but then this was last night and she may be more helpful now that she's sobered up today.

I'm really sorry this has gone on and on, but here we are.

(ETA TL;DR : Went to a wedding party and drunk FIL told me he fancies me.)

Do I tell DH? My instinct says obviously yes, but there's a part of me that also doesn't want to freak him out or upset him.

Do I or DH tell MIL??

And what do I do about FIL? If he were a creep I'd have no problem cutting him off, but he's never ever been inappropriate with me or anyone else and I've never had an inkling of this ever, which means he's been good about shutting the fuck up and not letting whatever this is affect his behaviour around us. I'm completely at a loss and still too stunned to think clearly.

Hello all.  I will try my best to use the right abbreviations and I apologize in advance for it being long. Some BG. I'm 23w6d and last wednesday my DH and I were told there were some abnormalities with the baby's heart. This morning we went to a high risk doctor and a pediatric cardiologist who diagnosed us with Coronary Artery Stenosis (pretty sure that's what it's called. Honestly we were thrown so many big words this morning it was overwhelming). The baby's left ventricle has very poor function making his right ventricle do all the work and an abnormal mitral and aortic valve.

They went over our options and basically it came down to the baby needing surgery to place a couple shunts within the first week he's born and then most likely a few procedures after and eventually a heart transplant. We just dont know if he would need it when he is 5 or 50. It's been a lot to process today and I just got a call from the pediatric cardiologist that we met with this morning. He has been in conference with his other colleagues in Las Vegas and they think my little man is a candidate to have surgery in utero. They would place a catheter in the aortic valve and they believe this might help the left ventricle work better.  Not a common procedure by any means and to say I am overwhelmed would be an incredible understatement. 

Now to my MOO. My whole life her and I have never had a close relationship. She's very controlling and manipulative. If you dont agree with her opinions or thoughts on any subject, whether it be how much sugar to add to a recipe or politics, you are wrong. I've learned that with her it's better to keep conversations short and not give too much info. 9/10 times this doesn't work. Shocker right? It's gotten worse since her and my FOO split 4 years ago. She says he had an affair, he says he didn't. It's all irrelevant to me. My FOO is every name in the book to her and she doesn't understand why I want him in my life. My FOO and I are extremely close and it kills my mom that I like my SMOM. 

Since the divorce she has tried to be MOTY for everything and even tried to called "dibbs" on us for holidays. She has to be the first to know everything and if she's not it's a pity party. She took my 9 week US pic to the doctor she works for and swearts she knew it was a boy before anyone. She plays the single mom card for everything. (Were 26, 24 and 20.) 

Since finding out I was pregnant she has to know when every single doctor's appointment is and wants to know how it went immediately after. She wanted to go with me to the appointments and got really upset when I said it was just me and DH going to any and all appts. I stayed firm on that. She got the baby a "My first christmas" ornament when I was only 9 weeks at xmas time and got in a bad habit of saying "My baby".I admit I had been side stepping it and would try to play it off and say "No its my baby" casually and I finally about a month or so ago blew up and said "It's not your baby stop saying that! Its your grandbaby!" Then it was another pity party but she stopped saying it.

With all this new medical stuff going on today she tells me "I dont care what you say anymore this is my baby too." and then got all emotional about the heart transplant and says "I know we need to do what we need to do but it's just so sad that another baby has to die to save yours" WTF?? I said "Yes it is unfortunate but it's life and there are people out there who are willing to donate organs and what not to people in need. If God forbid anything happens to my baby that's exactly what I would do too if it would help someone else." She agreed and said she was sorry it was just sooooo emotional for her. 

I understand this is her first graaaandbaby and it's hard for her too but am I selfish for thinking she's making this all about herself? She also tells me today "Now you know what it's like to be a mother. We worry every single day and you will ALWAYS be my baby girl and your LO will always be our baby." It makes me gag honestly. My FOO and M&FIL have been super supportive and just said "Okay, let's do what we need to do" but I just feel like this is another thing my MOO is going to selfishly use to her advantage somehow to play MOTY. Where's the line between her genuine concern and overstepping? Is there one? 

Long time lurker, occasional poster, and semi regular commentator. I went Anon for this because I'm being paranoid. My SN is a bit of a clue of my normal SN.

Long story short: My FOO is problematic and over the past 10 years I've moved to a complete cut off, but it's still pretty recent. The last relative finally drank the cool-aid and started with the hating on me too (I'm the SG).

Hubby and I lucked out and are getting the chance to MOVE 3,000 miles away from the drama!!  I want to fully utilize this opportunity to essentially disappear. I want to make it very hard for them to digitally stalk me or worse, show up randomly (it's happened in our current location 3 hours away; ambush at work).

FOO knows nothing about the move we've been planning for months. I've been diligent that there's been no leaks. I'm 99.9% certain that they are completely clueless. I work in a highly public field that I can't avoid my resignation being published on the website. However, that won't tip them off about the move; just that I changed employers or maybe became a SAHM.

I'm hoping you can PAN me your best tips to accomplish this. For the protection of the DWIL community, I would rather received PANs than do a regular thread. I would hate to compromise these important secrets by consolidating them in a single place on a public site for crazy relatives to find and stymie us (paranoid much? yep!).

Important facts to consider when sending your thoughts:

• I didn't change my name upon marriage for various reasons, and the FOO probably won't look to google me under a new name (They have been told 3rd hand that I have no intention of changing my name). But of course now I'm considering it.  I'm not sure it's worth it though. I have a unique first and last name and hubby's last name is also unique. I thought of changing my first name too. It would be spoken the same way, but spelled alternatively (Ex: Caitlin to Katelynn). I'm not sure if that's enough to stump a search engine. And that does nothing to stop them from search for hubby's name. I'm not entirely sure if they know his last name, but I think they do. Of course the name change will happen in the new state, so no records will exist in my current state.


• My cellphone number will be changed (the recently CO relative had this number, and theoretically he didn't share it. But I can't say for certain, so it will be changed).


• My facebook profile will be deleted


• Hubby's FB will probably stay active but still report our current city. Also, he's not friends with anyone they would know and they are blocked.


• My email will be shut down (the only way they reach me these days. Though they get an autoreply that is a fake error message).


• I am debating a PO box or using that service that has a remote PO box and scans your mail to you; forwards packages.


• New employer for hubby and I are less public and won't post our names on a website.

What else can I do? Again, please keep the community safe by only leaving a comment that would be harmless in the hands of a stalker. Otherwise PAN.

Thank you!! 

Where do I even begin?...

I'm 18 years old and I've been keeping everything bottled up since birth about what I've had to go through, so here it goes. I encourage you to read because it is an interesting part of the whole story. I know this is a baby site but I've found people similarity writing about their parents.

To begin with, my mother has a mental illness. Whether this is diagnosed or not, she has one and it's clearly evident.

She was born in the late 60s in a family a middle class family, she's the middle child. My grandparents came from weird backgrounds. My mom's mom was abusive towards all her kids because she was bottling up emotions of her childhood that later came out. On her death bed she told everyone that she had been in a sexual relationship with her father from early teens till she was 18 and married my grandpa. My grandpa knew nothing. You can imagine how messed up this woman was, insane pill popper. My grandpa came from a super poor family but became successful and fell in love with her - he was a weird guy too though, you could tell he saw a lot from the time he was born (1920s)

My mom always told me stories about how she'd always been bullied and how she was always so afraid of everything. People would make remarks of her being mentally Ill but it was an embarrassment to her parents that she was "challenged" so they never did anything with her - I'm guessing she has autism as well as other things.

She basically grew up a social outcast through school, she almost failed grade 5. All she would do was watch tv - that was her escape and depended on her parents to take care of her.

When she turned 18 she met a man who was 40 years old. She was a virgin and they were in an off an on relationship till she was 27. Within that time frame he had gotten 2 other women pregnant and my mom had to get 2 abortions because he didn't want to wear condoms. She said she stayed with him because she had no confidence that she could do better. She was paying for everything, including taking him out to dinner etc. He would pick at her and put her down.

Finally he moved out of town and she felt scrambled at 27. No husband. No family of her own. She never partied, never lived up her life.

She was working downtown at a makeup counter and this is where she met my dad. I'm guessing at this point she was so desperate she was willing to take any guy that looked at her.

They got married. Before they got married, my dad had been showing different uses of drugs and dealing pot. His family was weird. He moved in to the apartment my mom was living in, my grandpa owned the building and she was living rent free. My dad took advantage of her and used her for her money.

My mom told me that when she got pregnant with me, his reply was "well, what do you wanna do about it?" She had me.

My dad was a deadbeat. He left when I was about 3 and my grandpa (moms side) stepped in. Before my dad left when he said he would be at work, he'd be at some crack house because by that point he was doing heroin and heavy meth and cocaine use. He'd be in the bathroom and I'd be running around in the living room.

By this time, my mom was super bitter. She became jealous of me because I was so young and had my whole life ahead of me. Everyone would say how beautiful I was and she hated it. She took out all her anger on me. "You fuckin little bitch! I'm gonna fuckin kill you!" She'd scream at the top of her lungs with her teeth clenched and her fist in my face. "You're just like your father!!" When id leave a toy out. "If I didn't have you id have so much money!!" She'd scream.

When all this was happening I remember being so afraid. We lived in a 1 bedroom apartment and I had shared a bed with her till I was 16! This woman didn't know anything about privacy or making me into a person. We shared clothes, right down to the underwear. I was a mini version of her until recently.

I had met a man that completely changed me. He gave me love and trust and I was able to vent to him about all this stuff and more in detail. He got me into eating healthy and exercising (I was so fat because I used food as a loving nurturing thing). He would talk to me on the phone all the time, text me, there wasn't a minute we weren't together in some form.

I lost my virginity to this guy and after we had sex (it was almost 2 years after we first met) things slowly faded. Were not together anymore but I believe people come into your life for a reason. I'm a different person, I'm a healthy weight and I'm taking better care of myself.

But, right now it's so hard because he was my rock, my everything. I've recently contacted a therapist. I'm living in the building that my grandfather owns (my mom does too) but in a different apartment. I'm scrambling to get a job so I can move out and cut out my mother.

I'm graduating highschool in 2 weeks with no friends, I left my old friends behind that would use me for money for pot (I was a big pot smoker too).

I'm so nervous for my transition into college. Do you have any advice for me on what to do besides therapy, a job to move out and keeping up the exercise?

I have no other family - the ones that I have from my moms side are all assholes and make fun of my situation. I cut my dad and his side out a long time ago.

There's more to this story but that's the basic of what I'm dealing with now.

Going anon for this, because I'm paranoid about ILs recognizing me.  Or my own family for that matter.  I'm just looking for perspectives on what's going on, and hopefully to get some sense knocked into me.  

BG: MIL is currently living with us.  Yes, I know, but here's the kicker.  She's also CO.  She and DH had a huge fight before LO was born, and he essentially told her to stay the hell away from LO.  The only time they've spoken in the past year was over her finances, which he handles for her.   

She has since retreated into her half of our house (she had the MIL suite) and created her own little apartment. She even has a seperate entrance.  She does not initiate any contact with myself or DH, and will pretend she doesn't see us any time we happen to cross paths outside.  She has had nothing to do with the baby, and in fact has really only seen him a handful of times.  

So, the CO was pretty mutual between her and DH.  Me and LO are CO by default, because without DH involved, I have no connection to MIL.  On top of the behavior she exhibits that is ridiculous by any standard, she is my full on BEC.  I'm pretty sure I'm hers.  

Here's where my problem comes in.  I feel guilty because I'm happy that she's CO.  I don't have to deal with unwanted advice, I don't have to share my kitchen or laundry room with her nitpicking self, I don't have to be the b*tch and refuse to leavel LO alone with her.  It was a huge weight lifted off when I no longer had to share my space with this woman, but I'm the only one who's glad about it.  

I know DH is not happy about it, and if he could fix things, he would in a heartbeat.  I know his family is not happy, and a couple of them have tried to pull CTJ meetings to get him and his mom to reconcile.  I guess that's why I feel guilty; because I'm the only one happy about this situation.  I might also be feeling a bit of frustration, because I know it might not always be this way.  One day, they might make up, and she'll be butting her way in again. 

Should I feel guilty?  Am I a total b*tch in this situation?  I appreciate any advice and/or perspective, and thanks in advance.

I have been lurking here for a little while and would love some advice but am not  good at putting my thoughts into words so please bear with me.

I want to CO my OBro (3 yrs older) and his family but I am at a loss to how to implement this.

BG:   ---***  TRIGGER  ***---

OBro was abusive to me growing up ... emotionally, verbally, slightly physically.  He also molested me for several years.  I never told my parents about the molestation while I lived at home because they were never successful in shutting down the other abuse.  I did not trust them to be able to do anything about the molestation.  I was also afraid that telling anyone would tear my family apart and make us that family that everyone would talk about.

Everything that I had stuffed and hidden started to bubble up while I was in college.  I confided in a few college friends.  I ended up seeking counselling and telling my parents about the molestation.  I don't think that they ever really did anything about it.  I went to counselling until my insurance ran out.  The counselor was actually a dud and I ended up just rug sweeping for the most part and trying to keep the family peace while trying to protect myself.  Nope, I was never successful.

I avoided coming home if my OBro was going to be there.  Obro eventually got married.  I struggled as to if I should tell OSIL what kind of guy she was marring but just could not expose myself.  I was afraid of my family falling apart.  OBro ended up having 3 kids and I have continued to struggle with telling SIL or confronting OBro.  I honestly do not know if he has or would ever molest anyone else but he is a controlling and manipulative jerk.

When I met my husband a few years later, he wanted to tear OBro apart when I told him.  I talked him down from doing much of anything.  I now wish that I had not.  DH only did what I asked because he did not want to cause me any more pain.  I already had OBro on LC.  DH made sure that I was never alone with OBro.  When we had our kids, we had very strict rules that they would never be around OBro without one of us.  My parents know that OBro and his family are never around my kids without us there and have not fought us on it but I am not confident that they still see it as a safety issue but they comply.

I have never told my YBro.  He knows that OBro and I have no real relationship and very limited contact but I am fairly sure he has no idea as to why.  I have wanted to tell him so many times especially for the safety of YBro's kids but don't want to put myself out there like that.  YBro has always been the kid who has it all together.  He was able to stand up to OBro and/or he was not treated the same as I was by OBro.  YBro is always trying to keep the family connected and be a great uncle and "role model" for OBro's kids.

I just want all of the lies and fake family stuff to stop.  I rarely see my OBro or have contact with him but I want it all to stop.  I do not want him to know about when our baby is born, I do not want to hear about him or his family from my parents or YBro, I do not want to see him at any holidays, I do not want to go on any extended family vacations with him or his family, or to have anything to ever do with him ever again.

My problem is how do I cut off OBro?  I am fine with not speaking to him and leaving it to him to figure it out or not (if asked he probably does not think that he has done anything wrong to me!).

I am not sure what to say to my parents or to my YBro for this to be a true CO.  My mom sees it as her job to keep all of the siblings updated on what everyone is doing.  My YBro sees it as his job to plan extended family vacations so that we all can keep in touch and the cousins can have a relationship.  My unicorn for my parents is slowly dying.  They are not in your face boundary stompers or obviously abusive parents but their inaction, rug sweeping and trying to keep the peace has hurt me and left me with a very broken normal meter.

With each passing year, I have seen that I cannot keep my kids safe around my OBro  while he remains unexposed.  My kids have to know the truth ... that OBro is a "tricky" person as PlumBlossomm put it in a reply in an older post.  We can no longer attend any events or have any kind of communications with OBro or his family.  I really do not see this happening without something eventually being said to parents or YBro.

Please help!!  What is the best way to CO OBro?  What should I say to my parents and my YBro?  I am a terrible at JADEing.  Ahug!!

Please know that I have limited time on the computer because I have kids old enough that can wander by and read.  I promise that I will be back and really appreciate what you have to say even if it is difficult to hear and takes a while to process.

Lurking for a few days, first time posting. This may end up long (I'll try to stick to essential info, with more BG on request.) TL;DR at the end.

BG: DH and I have been together six years, married almost three , first LO on the way (EDD Dec 2nd). Last summer we spent three months seperated, total CO, after emotional infidelity on my part (no physical cheating, long story, more info on request). We got back together, things were going great. DH joined the military, and I got pregnant literally the day before he left for basic training. (Semi planned, we had been TTC since getting back together, just did not expect it to finally happen RIGHT before he left.)

DH is currently still in schooling after training, and doesn't graduate until right after the baby is due. So har we have spent the entire pregnancy, minus DTD, and a total of three one day visits, apart. Plan was to move in with ILs until I can find housing by DH.

A week before I was set to move in with them, I ran into a guy I used to work with, and he needed a ride home. Thought long and hard about it, and decided it was okay because this guy only lived 5 minutes away. I don't normally give people rides. My entire pregnancy has been awful. Super sick, in and out of the hospital, lost 20 pounds, and aside from when I was working I barely left the house.

Well, Just my effing luck, YSIL and BIL (both teens) see me in the car with a guy (alothough I didn't see them). They tell MIL, who has a history of over reacting, and before even talking to me about it, she calls DH and tells him I was caught cheating. Not the case. It was literally a five minute car ride, and I have awful luck.

Given past events, DH freaked out, and MIL had him convinced that I have been shady the whole time he's been gone. "We never see her or know what she is doing." Of course they didn't see me. I was working 40 hour weeks, throwing up everything, sick at home and sleeping 99% of the time. She even told him that night that she didn't think the baby is his.

After days, of explaining myself DH he really does believe me, and he knows how his mom reacts to things. The lease on the house DH and I were renting ran out, and ILs still let me live with them, only as a courtesy to DH, and although FIL and B/SIL are all pleasant, MIL makes it very clear she doesn't want me here. I finally found somewhere to move, and I should be out of here in less than a month.

Now to the current issue: YSIL is still a minor, and has been very spoiled. I feel terrible saying this, but she uses suicide threats for attention and to get what she want, and it works. MIL tries to establish rules with her, but does nothing to enforce them. Tonight, while she thought I was asleep in the room next door I over heard her talking about trying to score drugs off a friend (something her parents are obviously very against).

My dilemma is do I tell MIL? Part of me wants to say something because I worry about YSIL, and it seems like the right thing to do. The other part of me knows she practically gets away with murder, and if she denies it, since I have no proof, it will just make the rest of my time here more awkward.

TLR: Found out YSIL is using drugs, but have no proof. MIL doesn't like me already, and I am afraid telling her will just make things more awful because I live with ILs. Do I say anything?

I am not on speaking terms with my inlaws, and there have been serious issues since early in my pregnancy with them. DH and I separated for 8 months earlier this year, and he moved home with them and my stepson for that period. We've opted to give things between us another shot, and he moved home at the beginning of June. His parents, who have been a major issue for our entire marriage ( a little over 3 years), have ruined every special event / holiday since our DD was born. Our DD just turned 2 last week, and her birthday party is tomorrow. My DH has been begging them to come, but they refuse to, because they hate me. Today, DH said he was going to bring both kids to the park, but actually decided to bring them to his parents house so that his parents, siblings, godmother, & grandmother could have their own birthday party for her, and tried to hide it from me and not allow me to be there. I am disgusted with my husband that he's allowing his mom to pull this crap, and so incredibly hurt. He needs to stand up for our family, and me, but he knows if he does that they'll just write him off. What would you guys do in this situation? Would you have allowed your child to stay at the "party"?? 

Historically have had a great relationship with in-laws, they are very generous with taking us on family trips, always paying for dinners, etc. 
Then when we started planning our wedding MIL's real persona appeared. 

Suddenly MIL was very negative and everything was about her. 
We were offered to have wedding at Uncles huge ocean view property for free, but MIL "wouldn't be comfortable because their long history,"
so we are instead paying thousands for a neutral venue.  FIL is absolutely the kindest most generous, patient and smart man I have ever met, and
DH is much like him. 

About 8 mo ago, MIL & FIL offered a free trip to Hawaii for our honeymoon, and we were delighted. 
They asked if they could go too, and at the time I was hesitant but it was presented that they were going to go anyway and it was conincidental
but they would postpone if it was a problem.  DH said it was hard to say no since they had it planned and they were paying and adding us on, so we agreed. 

Plan is to stay in 2 separate houses that share a hot tub in the middle.  I'm not a hot tub person so I'm not so concerned about that,
but I do get brought down by MIL's negativity.  She has a magical way of inserting herself into what we like to do and will want to have dinners and breakfasts w/ us.
 I think they also want us to share a rental car, and in the past being in the car w MIL for more than 1 hour has made
me want to cry like a 2 year old who got stung by a bee.  Not a fun picture.

DH understands my concerns and we have set up a "boundary" that if I shoot him the look or if I say 'i'm going outside," that is my signal for
"my limit has been met, lets go." but even being right next door is unfortunate and really makes me sad! 

She always has a story how she 'felt left out' or 'this person did her wrong,' and this woman has not worked since the 1970s and has just spent
her husbands fortune and appreciates nothing!  She is always trying to get me to shop or hike and its like, by the 57th no, don't you get I dont'
want to hang out with you.

Honestly I feel like at this point I want to bring my own mother onto the trip just so I have someone to confide in for sanity since when I vent to my
DH he really just gets sad and thinks I should be better at ignoring her. 

I honestly do want to have a better relationship w her but I know at this point she will never change I can only change my own behavior.  I just havn't
found a way to keep her from getting under my skin with all the time and I REALLy can't afford exploding on her to just "shut up, shut the fuck up!" that
would really be a problem for our relationship forever.  How do I put MIL in her place in a subtle way? How do I talk to my DH about his mother without upsetting him?
How do we set realistic boundaries that both DH and I can agree on?