Hence the sn, went anonymous for this one due to details and easily recognizable name.
I'll try to make this as short as possible- will give more details upon request.
BG: MIL was not in DH's life, she left early and only periodically saw him growing up. FIL was into drugs for a bit, but was always there for DH. She doesn't have the slightest idea of how to be nurturing and is in our opinion, not a good person. MIL and FIL decided to get married again, maybe 10 or so years ago. DH is 31, so he was out of the house and completely living independenly at this time. Needless to say, he has no bond with his mother, and see's her more as just his father's wife.
I've always known she has some serious mental issues, depression, possible schizophrenia, etc. Over the past 6 or so years we have both done our best to be friendly with MIL and keep things positive. There have been MANY occasions before DD was born that were red flags, but we chose to brush them under the rug to make things easier.
Current Situation: Since DD was born, MIL has been batshit crazy. The three most standout situations in the past 4 months are as follows (in order):
1. Baby was in NICU for a bit, then released to my room upon strict rules to not let anyone else hold her for 2-3 days. MIL visited in hospital room and seemed to understand the baby's situation. 4 days later, she calls DH and bitches him out, cries uncontrollably and basically trys to guilts us into thinking we were in the wrong for not letting her hold HER grandbaby.
2. She had a dental procedure the day before mothers day, and told us she would be spending the day at home. As the BG suggests, we really have no reason to have to spend mother's day with her. It was my first mothers day so I requested a special day with just the three of us. 2-3 days later, she calls and bitches out DH once again, for not visitng her.
3. The final straw: Last Thursday I noticed I had a missed call and voicemail from her. As I was listening to my messages, another popped up. Both were from her. I immediately called back, and agreed to her plan to have her and FIL over the next night for dinner. She comes over the next night with a huge bitchy chip on her shoulder. After I put DD to bed at her usual bedtime, I came back downstairs and ate after everyone had already finished. I thank her for bringing burritos, she looks the other way. (not the first time I have seen this behaviour, so I ignore it). About 30 minutes later I annouce I am going upstairs to pump, so I can come back down and visit and have a glass of wine. The moment I get my pump put on, I hear her explode. Loud, vulgar things are said about me... the gist of it being I don't like her, I am avoiding her by being upstairs, I purposely ignored her phone calls, bla bla bla. She's being extremly disrespectful to my DH and myself by talking "behind my back".
a bonus issue: She always complains "Why is the baby crying, what is wrong with her? DH never cried as a baby" Also, we used to let her hold her and baby would cry, leading MIL to say "WTF, why does she hate me"... seriously?! It's a baby...
My Question is this: We have already told FIL we will not be allowing her back at our house unless she get's her shit figured out. FIL and DH are best friends, and I truely adore him. How would you approach telling her the new boundaries? We are nervous we may have to get a restraining order because she flips so quickly and has given us numerous reasons to not trust her. Do we completely cut her off, or just stick to her not being allowed at our house?
Thank you for reading and TIA for any help!!!