Okay ladies, please tell me if I handled this correctly or if I am overreacting. Last night I went to my mom's for Thanksgiving with my DH and LO who is almost 5 months old. It was one of the most miserable nights I've had in a very long time.
BG: my mom remarried in 2010 when I was 24 and already had been out of the house and living on my own for a long time. This man is not my father and will never be a father figure to me. Period. I don't need a dad, I already have one. Yet for whatever reason, my mom CONSTANTLY tries to push a relationship between us. It's almost like she's trying to justify their relationship by making me like the man. I've put up with him, but frankly, I'm an adult and don't need to have a relationship with anyone I don't truly care about. Please note, he has always given me the creepy vibe. He's a close talker and always seems to touch me with a hand on my shoulder or on the small of my back. He also sometimes makes comments about my looks or just eyeballs me in a weird freaking way that gives me the heebie jeebies.
I had DD in July. My mom pushes boundaries all the time by constantly bringing SDad over without asking (let's call him "Chuck"). Even if it's just to run a quick errand to my house, she has to have him with her ALL.THE.TIME. Even after multiple attempts of telling her to come by herself. I never feel like I can have alone time with her without her bringing him along or asking to bring him along. My mom also sounds like a broken record when she says things like "Chuck just looooooves the baby", "Chuck just thinks she's soooo beautiful", "Chuck just loves looking at pics of the baby" on and on and gag me gag me gag me!!!! I've called her out multiple times now, telling her that I prefer she come over alone and to stop telling me about Chuck's weird obsession with my baby!
Whenever I'm (forced to be) around my mom and Chuck, I always get super annoyed. Chuck always wants to kiss LO and tried to hold her. Whenever she cries (which is a lot since she's colicky) he says things like "Maybe Grandpa should hold the baby". Ummm no, she just wants her mom and you're just going to make her cry harder. Also, it makes me cringe when he calls himself grandpa.
Okay, so fast forward to last night. I haven't seen my extended family for quite some time and was excited to be around everyone. Chuck is immediately in my face right when we get in the door. I HATE how he insists on acting like he's her grandfather. I HATE how he acts like he's showing her off to MY family! She's my daughter, let me show her off!! Again, mom seems to be oblivious to this/ encourages this - is this a first time grandma thing?!? Throughout the night, Chuck Is constantly trying to touch baby's head, kiss her cheeks, touch her arm, etc. At one point, Chuck grabbed at baby's hand which WAS RESTING ON MY BREAST, so naturally his hand grazed my boob. I physically jumped back, alarmed at what happened and walked away. Ughhhhhh. I kept physically trying to distance myself from this man but he kept reappearing every turn I made! When I went in the back bedroom to change LO, he came in. (This happens way too much, the hovering while I'm trying to change baby's diaper. Obviously I shield her privates but give me space and GTFO!) When I have gone over to my mom's in the past and had to feed LO, (and last it happened again last night) he has walked in on me breastfeeding her. He simply HOVERS!! At another point in the night, my husband was giving LO a bottle in a separate room bc she was clearly overstimulated with all the people and needed some quiet to eat. He again, comes in and hovers over DH's shoulder and rubs LO's head and remarks that LO is so beautiful because "her mommy is beautiful and her daddy is handsome." Gross, just stop dude. Seriously, my mom didn't come around to talk with me as much as this man did. I spent the majority of the evening avoiding this guy. Fun, right?
I was fuming ever since we left my mom's last night. Clearly I can't expect my mom to stand up for me, which is extremely disappointing, so I have had to try to grow a spine and have the hard conversation with my mom. I called my mom today and straight up told her that he needs to learn boundaries and that it makes me uncomfortable that he constantly is and was in mine, my husband's and baby's face all night long. I told her I will not tolerate that behavior anymore and she better say something or I will and will make it extremely uncomfortable. I told her it has to stop or we will not be coming around anymore. Period.
So my questions to you are the following:
Am I crazy about the creep factor or did I do the right thing?
How should I handle future interactions with Chuck and/or my mom? My mom always acts butt sore whenever I have brought up issues I have with this man in the past (and hasn't texted or called me yet today like she normally would have so I suspect she's hurt about what I said.)
I'm trying to grow a spine and learn how to address these uncomfortable situations tactfully. I know I'm my daughter's protector and greatest advocate and I do not ever want to put her in a compromising situation (although I already feel guilty like I have by just going over to my mom's house). Thank you in advance.
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Creepy McCreeperson SDad? *possible trigger* Loooong -Update p.11,17,19, 30
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