I'm sorry if this is long, but I know how important the details are in this board.
So, I posted about issues with my mother a few months ago. Long and short of it, she got hurt at work and moved in with me, DH, and DS (who is 7) to get on her feet, but then decided she wanted to stay. She has major boundary issues and is rude to/about DH. It isn't fair for DH and I to have to walk on egg shells around my mother and he definitely doesn't deserve to be disrespected in his home. We gave her a move out date and she leaves this Saturday. I have read and confirmed all of her rental/moving arrangements, to make sure she is really doing this. It is too late for her to get her deposits back and she can't afford to take the loss. We have made it clear that on Sunday, anything left of hers in our house will be donated or sold. She is definitely leaving on Saturday.
We have had several issues with her since the ultimatum such as:
1. We kept catching her blatantly lying about stupid stuff like leaving laundry in the machine or finishing the milk (in front of DS, no less) and when my DH finally got fed up and called her out on it, she tried to act like he was scaring her and gave me this speech about living with a dangerous man **eye roll**
2. When we correct DS about behavior or things he does at school (normal kid things and normal parent reactions) we recently found out that she goes to him after and tells him how mean we are and how she feels bad for him. Apparently, only she understands him. (Since learning about this, we don't leave him alone with her for even a second)
3. My 17yo brother moved in with us bc his dad is "between houses" (homeless) again. So, we are drafting custody of him via a power of attorney. He will live with us in our stable home that is large enough to accommodate everyone for the next two years while he actually gets a chance to finish HS and have a fucking future (away from our parents)
4. I just started month 8 of my pregnancy with DS#2
5. She is VERY upset that she will be living in California and won't be able to meet/see/get her claws into our new baby and makes a big deal about it constantly. In front of DS.
So, the issue I am having is with a request she made today. I am supposed to meet her at the bank to do a different POA for my brother later this week, making sure I can add him to my insurance and everything. Essentially, I am adopting him. She asked if afterward she could take DS out for dinner, just the two of them. Part of me wants to let her just because she's leaving and not taking it well. DS loves his grandmother and I don't necessarily want to stop that or take what could be the last dinner together for a very long time away from them. I'm also concerned about her throwing another temper tantrum in front of DS. It upsets him to see an adult act the way she does when she doesn't get what she wants.
On the other hand, I really don't like the idea of her being able to say anything she wants to him for a whole dinner. I mean, he's an honest boy and has told us when she says things to him, but I don't feel he should be put in that situation.
So, do I let her have a goodbye dinner with DS or do I tell her no? DH and I are really torn between wanting to be compassionate people and wanting to tell her to go fuck herself.....