This post is hard for me to write out because I have such a hard time expressing myself. It's easier for me to answer specific questions, so please ask away if it will help you help me.
My mom and I had an ok relationship growing up. I feel like things changed, her view towards me changed when I begged her to give custody of me and my sister to my dad, so we could go the the high school we wanted. Why was this such a big deal? No idea. We were 16/17, not kids. (They divorced when we were in high school and we had to leave our school to go to a horrible school. Grades dropped and we were both miserable. Dad worked for govt and they would pay for a boarding school we both loved). Does she resent us?
Anyway, things have been rocky since, (it's literally been like 15 years) and I have kep my distance. 6 years ago I moved to CT with my now husband and started a family. His parents live there, and his fam is amazing. I seriously hit the IL jackpot. We recently moved back about seven months ago. We had plans to go to my moms the day after Christmas but had to cancel because of horrible traffic. She was fine with it on the phone. I then called my sister to tell her that we might just reschedule for next week, and she then called my mom to confirm. Well my mom have her shit about her getting an easy out because I'm not coming, then cancelled the whole thing.
Later, she sends us both a text saying "reschedule for next week, no hard feelings " blah blah blah.
My sis and I both write back, sounds great, see you then.
Now this email this morning:
>> OpSis. I am done. As usual, I hung up from that phone call yesterday wondering what the hell that was all about. Then I figured it out. If OP wasnt going to be here you didnt want to be here either. So you made sure that happened. And now we get to tiptoe around the elephant in the room again. Well, yesterday worked so well that next saturday is off as well as anything else that involves us getting together. I cant do this anymore. I cant tip toe around wondering if the next thing coming out of my mouth is going to set you off or not. I cant be subjected to your tantrums. I dont know what you expect of me, because you never tell me, yet I get to reap the benefits of you being upset because I am not meeting your expectations.
>
> OP While I totally under stand what happened yesterday and realize that there was nothing to be done, the fact remains that I am sure that if you were still in CT you would have been at MIL FIL xmas eve on through. All you could give me was the day after xmas. I am well aware you dont want to come up here. I am well aware of how you feel about me. You have made that abbundantly clear over the years. Not by your words, because those have been scarce, but by your actions.
>
> So, lets not pretend anymore. OP you only call when u need something. I bet you let DH folks know when LO took his first steps or when ODD said her first words. Not me. You moved out here to be close to SIS. I wasnt a consideration at all. All I am is a nuisance that you feel obligated to pay attention to once in a while. I am telling you now, dont bother.
>
> SIS, you want me to get on facebook so I can "follow" you and austin. So I can be one of your many "friends". Just what I want in a relationship with you. To be "friends" on facebook. Sorry you dont have the 30 seconds in your life it would take you to send me a picture when you post it. You told me you want to have the kind of relationship that FRIEND has with her mom. I bet FRIEND would not have done what you did yesterday. FRIEND would have called up and said, hey, I just heard that OP not coming. I just called to let you know we are on our way. But you didnt, did you. No you called and made sure you didnt have to come out.
>
> You guys dont have the slightest idea how much pain and sorrow you have caused me throughout these years. Each and everytime, I have swallowed it, forgiven and moved on. Time after time after time. And you know why? Because I love you. Unconditionally. No strings, no ties. Just unconditional love. With all of your warts, all your faults, I love you.
>
> That being said, there comes a point when the pain out weighs all other considerations. Yesterday, SIS, was the last straw. You need to grow up and start acting like an adult instead of a 10 year old who isnt getting enough attention. What the hell do you want from me?
>
> OP, I have come not to expect anything from you and have accepted the crumbs you tossed my way because I knew it was better than nothing. That makes me feel belittled and unloved.
>
> Actually,You both make me feel that way. It hurts to feel like "chopped liver"
>
> You both have some choices to make. If you want me in your life, then act like it. 100 percent. If you want a relationship that is only on the surface, with all sorts of crap lying just below the surface then I'm out.
>
> Now, I realize that this missive is burning a bridge. I will be placed on the shelf just like your brother and ignored because you dont like what we say. Hard to hear the truth, isnt it?
>
> I dont know how or when the both of you got so selfish and self centered. I certainly didnt raise you that way, so I guess its a choice you make. But the least you could do is show a little gratitude and respect to the woman who sacrificed her needs and wants for years and years in order to satisfy yours. And the brother who would do anything, anything at all for you.
>
> I love you both with all my heart but I cant play this game anymore. Let me know when you grow up and are ready to have an adult relationship with me.
>
> I love you both.
This email was out of left field for us. It was sent to both of us. And I just have no words. Do I deserve this?? I feel like she does not give two shits about even getting to know my kids, and she makes no effort on her part. I feel like this is the most hypocritical email ever. I'm wondering what to do here.
I'm sure you all need some questions answered so please, I will answer whatever I need to.
>
>
My mom and I had an ok relationship growing up. I feel like things changed, her view towards me changed when I begged her to give custody of me and my sister to my dad, so we could go the the high school we wanted. Why was this such a big deal? No idea. We were 16/17, not kids. (They divorced when we were in high school and we had to leave our school to go to a horrible school. Grades dropped and we were both miserable. Dad worked for govt and they would pay for a boarding school we both loved). Does she resent us?
Anyway, things have been rocky since, (it's literally been like 15 years) and I have kep my distance. 6 years ago I moved to CT with my now husband and started a family. His parents live there, and his fam is amazing. I seriously hit the IL jackpot. We recently moved back about seven months ago. We had plans to go to my moms the day after Christmas but had to cancel because of horrible traffic. She was fine with it on the phone. I then called my sister to tell her that we might just reschedule for next week, and she then called my mom to confirm. Well my mom have her shit about her getting an easy out because I'm not coming, then cancelled the whole thing.
Later, she sends us both a text saying "reschedule for next week, no hard feelings " blah blah blah.
My sis and I both write back, sounds great, see you then.
Now this email this morning:
>> OpSis. I am done. As usual, I hung up from that phone call yesterday wondering what the hell that was all about. Then I figured it out. If OP wasnt going to be here you didnt want to be here either. So you made sure that happened. And now we get to tiptoe around the elephant in the room again. Well, yesterday worked so well that next saturday is off as well as anything else that involves us getting together. I cant do this anymore. I cant tip toe around wondering if the next thing coming out of my mouth is going to set you off or not. I cant be subjected to your tantrums. I dont know what you expect of me, because you never tell me, yet I get to reap the benefits of you being upset because I am not meeting your expectations.
>
> OP While I totally under stand what happened yesterday and realize that there was nothing to be done, the fact remains that I am sure that if you were still in CT you would have been at MIL FIL xmas eve on through. All you could give me was the day after xmas. I am well aware you dont want to come up here. I am well aware of how you feel about me. You have made that abbundantly clear over the years. Not by your words, because those have been scarce, but by your actions.
>
> So, lets not pretend anymore. OP you only call when u need something. I bet you let DH folks know when LO took his first steps or when ODD said her first words. Not me. You moved out here to be close to SIS. I wasnt a consideration at all. All I am is a nuisance that you feel obligated to pay attention to once in a while. I am telling you now, dont bother.
>
> SIS, you want me to get on facebook so I can "follow" you and austin. So I can be one of your many "friends". Just what I want in a relationship with you. To be "friends" on facebook. Sorry you dont have the 30 seconds in your life it would take you to send me a picture when you post it. You told me you want to have the kind of relationship that FRIEND has with her mom. I bet FRIEND would not have done what you did yesterday. FRIEND would have called up and said, hey, I just heard that OP not coming. I just called to let you know we are on our way. But you didnt, did you. No you called and made sure you didnt have to come out.
>
> You guys dont have the slightest idea how much pain and sorrow you have caused me throughout these years. Each and everytime, I have swallowed it, forgiven and moved on. Time after time after time. And you know why? Because I love you. Unconditionally. No strings, no ties. Just unconditional love. With all of your warts, all your faults, I love you.
>
> That being said, there comes a point when the pain out weighs all other considerations. Yesterday, SIS, was the last straw. You need to grow up and start acting like an adult instead of a 10 year old who isnt getting enough attention. What the hell do you want from me?
>
> OP, I have come not to expect anything from you and have accepted the crumbs you tossed my way because I knew it was better than nothing. That makes me feel belittled and unloved.
>
> Actually,You both make me feel that way. It hurts to feel like "chopped liver"
>
> You both have some choices to make. If you want me in your life, then act like it. 100 percent. If you want a relationship that is only on the surface, with all sorts of crap lying just below the surface then I'm out.
>
> Now, I realize that this missive is burning a bridge. I will be placed on the shelf just like your brother and ignored because you dont like what we say. Hard to hear the truth, isnt it?
>
> I dont know how or when the both of you got so selfish and self centered. I certainly didnt raise you that way, so I guess its a choice you make. But the least you could do is show a little gratitude and respect to the woman who sacrificed her needs and wants for years and years in order to satisfy yours. And the brother who would do anything, anything at all for you.
>
> I love you both with all my heart but I cant play this game anymore. Let me know when you grow up and are ready to have an adult relationship with me.
>
> I love you both.
This email was out of left field for us. It was sent to both of us. And I just have no words. Do I deserve this?? I feel like she does not give two shits about even getting to know my kids, and she makes no effort on her part. I feel like this is the most hypocritical email ever. I'm wondering what to do here.
I'm sure you all need some questions answered so please, I will answer whatever I need to.
>
>