Member of BBC, but never been on this group until today. I'm a group owner around the site, so want to keep my private life separate from my other account.
DH is of German descent. His parents met while living in the U.S. Some people like coming to the states for the American Dream. No problem. His family have visited the U.S many times. Some have even contemplated sending their children here to study. Great.
Here's my dilemma
His sister has a daughter who wants to study here. She wants to attend College in our state, and her parents think it's a great idea because she'll have family close by in the event something happened to her. She graduates her school in 2017, and wants to start College in 2017. SIL called us discussing their plans. They would be letting her live on campus for the first year, then want her to move off campus to live with us while she continues her education. I've been against it because of many things
1. She's going to be in a new country making friends, and enjoying her life. There would be no need for her to live with us.
2. She has hinted at wanting to be in sororities.
3. Her college is 20 minutes from us, but even though it's close, i am not about disrupting my home to be watchman over her.
4. If she moved in with us, we'll be feeding extra mouth and basically supporting her unless she got a job. But even if she got a job, we would still have to be supporting her in many other ways.
I raised my concerns to SIL who thinks I'm not acting like family. She's called me hateful because I act like her daughter shouldn't excel in going to College here.
DH asked her what plans do they have for when she's finished College. SIL said they'll help her get internships so to work in the field for her career choice. Basically, it leads to her getting a job and working for a while depending on visa issues. SIL wishes for her daughter to live here since her degree doesn't have employment in her home country. To be clear, we would be having to help her daughter for her stay when she comes.
We've been having issues with other family when the visit the U.S. They end up visiting with us and like to spend two weeks. We have three bedrooms, one for me and DH, the others for our kids. When family visits, our kids end up in the basement with their cousins while the adults get their rooms. Last year, DH uncle spent two months with us for his vacation. He stayed in the basement. I can tolerate hosting guests, but after two weeks, I want to be me instead of being cordial for guests.
As to SIL, they plan to visit us this summer to go see the College. They plan at staying with us for two months. SIL has three kids while our basement has two beds which are small. I told her I'm not moving my kids from their rooms and would be only hosting for two weeks. She wants to spend two months. I told her she should get a hotel. My comments were taken as being cold hearted.
Am I being unreasonable to SIL especially with her daughter?
DH is of German descent. His parents met while living in the U.S. Some people like coming to the states for the American Dream. No problem. His family have visited the U.S many times. Some have even contemplated sending their children here to study. Great.
Here's my dilemma
His sister has a daughter who wants to study here. She wants to attend College in our state, and her parents think it's a great idea because she'll have family close by in the event something happened to her. She graduates her school in 2017, and wants to start College in 2017. SIL called us discussing their plans. They would be letting her live on campus for the first year, then want her to move off campus to live with us while she continues her education. I've been against it because of many things
1. She's going to be in a new country making friends, and enjoying her life. There would be no need for her to live with us.
2. She has hinted at wanting to be in sororities.
3. Her college is 20 minutes from us, but even though it's close, i am not about disrupting my home to be watchman over her.
4. If she moved in with us, we'll be feeding extra mouth and basically supporting her unless she got a job. But even if she got a job, we would still have to be supporting her in many other ways.
I raised my concerns to SIL who thinks I'm not acting like family. She's called me hateful because I act like her daughter shouldn't excel in going to College here.
DH asked her what plans do they have for when she's finished College. SIL said they'll help her get internships so to work in the field for her career choice. Basically, it leads to her getting a job and working for a while depending on visa issues. SIL wishes for her daughter to live here since her degree doesn't have employment in her home country. To be clear, we would be having to help her daughter for her stay when she comes.
We've been having issues with other family when the visit the U.S. They end up visiting with us and like to spend two weeks. We have three bedrooms, one for me and DH, the others for our kids. When family visits, our kids end up in the basement with their cousins while the adults get their rooms. Last year, DH uncle spent two months with us for his vacation. He stayed in the basement. I can tolerate hosting guests, but after two weeks, I want to be me instead of being cordial for guests.
As to SIL, they plan to visit us this summer to go see the College. They plan at staying with us for two months. SIL has three kids while our basement has two beds which are small. I told her I'm not moving my kids from their rooms and would be only hosting for two weeks. She wants to spend two months. I told her she should get a hotel. My comments were taken as being cold hearted.
Am I being unreasonable to SIL especially with her daughter?