DH and I have lurked here for some time now, to look for ideas on how to deal with the BSC. But to no avail, we have not found anything as royally dysfunctional to compare. This will be long, so I'm warning you now. And it will require a lot of explaining in comments, I'm sure. Feel free to ask question, this will be an open book, for all the llamas. Also, this will be an ongoing thread, as this BSC is (I'm sure) just getting started. (Even though it's been ongoing already for about 6 years)
Im going to be using real namesake times, and not acronyms to avoid confusing myself. I have no fear in the other party finding this.
Where do I even begin?
Firstly, My DH (Mark) and his ex wife (Tiffany) got pregnant and had their daughter at the ripe ages of 16 (Tiffany) and 17 (Mark).
Mark decided to go to a trade school, and get an education to be able to provide for his daughter. By the time he was 18, he was making extremely good money, with an excellent career.
In the meantime, Tiffany was spending his hard earned money on pills. This escalated very quickly to meth. They were not married at this point, but because Tiffany didnt have insurance, They thought the right thing to do, would be to get married, get added to his extremely good insurance, and receive help for her addiction. (Rehab)
Well, as she was getting said help, Mark was out of town for a few weeks for work. She stopped with the help, and got ahold of all the money in their bank account and DRAINED it. Went on a drug binge for a few weeks, tore the apartment they had apart. (I'm talking dog feces, drug needles, beer bottles... just FILTH) Also destroyed about 10 awards mark had hanging on their walls from past accomplishments. (this broke my heart when he told me)
During all this, their daughter was with Tiffany's (adopted) parents.
*quick BG on Tiffany's bio mom: she died of a heroin overdose right after Tiffany was born*
Mark and XILs (Dawn & Tony) had a decent relationship. Mark moved in with his mom, and was sleeping on her couch after the apartment thing, and XILs had an extra room for Marks daughter. So, they agreed to keep her there while Tiffany was gone on a drug binge, and mark was focusing on work, to try to get back on his feet from this blow.
Everything was fine, and out of nowhere, XFIL started harassing mark at HIS JOB for $50 he loaned him AND Tiffany, for an air conditioning unit for their apartment. After multiple times of XFIL coming by, waving his cane in the air, yelling obscenities for all to hear, Mark took his daughter to his moms house, and put them on TO.
*quick BG on me and marks family:
I have been best friends with marks older sister since we were 12 years old. I know the entire family well. And knew a little about the drama between mark and his ILs. *
I knew mark and Tiffany split up a while ago. I was never interested in mark, up until a family BBQ for my best friends DH. Welcoming him home from Iraq.
Everyone there was being cute and making comments about how mark and I would make a perfect couple and so on. We obviously hit it off that night, and he kissed me on the hood of his brothers Honda under the stars *butterflies* lol I ended up spending the night with my best friend, at her dads house where the BBQ was held, and he went back to his moms. The next day I went up to my best friends house (about 3 hours away) to help with her 4 kids. (she just had a baby, and her husband just got home from war, so I wanted to do them a favor, and give them some time for each other, as I was able to be there for 2 weeks.)
Mark and I kept in touch via texting, very innocent. He's a perfect gentlemen.
Then one day, he showed up to surprise me (and his sister I suppose :P)
This is when we made a relationship official.
Now I know this sounds like it all happen quickly, but please keep in mind Mark has only "been" with Tiffany up until we got together. He's a very old school kinda guy.
About 2 months after we got together, I was introduced to his daughter. As daddy's friend. We were not affectionate in front of her, and kept our relationship on the down low for quite some time.
During all this time, Tiffany was still missing, on drugs, in and out of jail, and just a toxic person. Their daughter (at this point) wasnt aware of her mothers actions. (she was just 3 years old) but told her mommy was "sick". (Lord knows that's the truth)
DsD and I became very close. So much so, she requested I watch her, instead of grandma (marks mom) while daddy was at work. To make sure the boundaries where in tact, we only allowed about once a week for me to watch her. But her and I became closer and closer as this went on.
She one day asked me, "Katina,( Kristina) are you going to be my new mommy."
She carried around a small photo album dedicated to pictures of just her and her mom, so I got the album, and sat her next to me and explained, "DsD, no one will ever replace your mommy. But I will always be there for you, and will always be your friend." I had hoped this was an exceptional response, being that she was only 3 and a half years old. At this point, I opened the album and said, "Now lets look at your mommys pictures."
She reciprocated this well and we had a good time the rest of the day. But I do have to say, I was broken inside for her. I have cried many tears for her. And I love this little girl as if she were truly my very own child.
FF about a month. The lawn tantrums (at marks job) from XFIL became more and more. Mark was feeling very harassed, and his boss was getting on him about said tantrums. Because mark had been an excellent employer, his boss agreed to give a good reference to another job. He put his 2 weeks in, and they went their separate ways. It took a lot longer than expected to find another job, and mark had become overwhelmed and severely depressed.
The XILs agreed to squash and money factor, with the stipulation that they get to see their granddaughter. And promised, Tiffany wouldn't be around. Mark apprehensively agreed. He didnt want to interfere with DD having a relationship with potentially good grandparents. So, it started slow. Then overnights. FF about 3 months of good standings with these people. Tiffany decided to "get clean". (pffft)
She returned to the picture, and started calling the shots. (lovely, right?)
Out of NOWHERE (I suspect it had to do with me and her daughter having such a close relationship, and feeling "replaced") gets a restraining order on mark, with emergency temporary custody. Talk about devastating DD. Not to mention an excellent father. The order was full of lies. Saying he pulled a gun on her (Tiffany) and that he tried to run her and DD over in his car.
1. Mark doesn't own a gun.
2. He would never try to harm his daughter. Or Tiffany for that matter.
2 days before court, Mark was spending the night with me, and he went out to make sure his car was locked, and GUESS WHAT!!!! The 2 tires on the far side (driver side) were flat, and obviously slashed. We changed one of the tires with a spare, and hobbled the car to an apartment complex next door, to hide it. As we were getting ready to walk back to my place, an officer pulled up, started asking us all kinds of questions, and said they had been called because Tiffany's mom and dads vehicles had been vandalized. All 8 of their tires had been slashed. And she had reason to believe it was Mark and I. Obviously we showed him the tires that had been slashed on his vehicle, and explained we were just trying to hide his car to keep it safe. The police officer believed us and went on his way.
At court Tiffany admitted, with a smile on her face, that she indeed slashed marks tires, claiming the vehicle was hers (it was not). And tried saying mark slashed her parents tires.
I believe she did it. To make him look like he retaliated. Based on the information in the restraining order, and how serious the accusations were, the judge granted her the order. He was absolutely broken. He was required to keep away from Tiffany, her mom and dad, and their sweet DD. For an entire year. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.
He spiraled. He felt he lost his reason for being (DD) and gave up for a while.
I'll just FF a year. The day the restraining order was up, he contacted Tiffany. SHE asked HIM, "Is the R/O expired?" SMDH
He said yes, and I want to see my daughter.
She replied, "well she lives with my mom and I'm not allowed there."
AWESOME! Ugh. During this year, she had been in and out of jail for numerous things.
Dawn had guardianship, and was in full control mode.
She allowed short visits. During the visits, DsD and mark picked up right where they left off. BEST BUDS!! Everything was good for a while.
Then, I got some interesting news. IM pregnant. Let me just say, we weren't trying, but in all honesty, we weren't super careful either.
We kept this information quiet for a while, in hopes of getting a place together, to then fight for custody of DsD. We wanted a solid foundation to stand on before we blew everything up with my pregnancy. Because heaven knows it was going to be a blow.
(FTR, mark and I were stoked about a baby of our own)
As we were both working, and saving money, guess who decided to "get clean" yet AGAIN!? Yup. Tiffany. For whatever reason, her mom believes her every time. Lets her in, and let her start calling the shots.
well, I was about 6 months pregnant, and showing by now (not much, as I was able to hide it from DsD and others if I needed to) and I was at the grocery store with a girlfriend, it was summer, I'm wearing shorts and a tank top, and guess who's standing right behind me in line. Yup. Tiffany again. STARING at my stomach, she then turns away all huffy puffy, and I thought, left.
Nope, she was standing outside, and we made eye contact. She looked me up and down, and took off. I never said a word, barely looked at her, and went to my car. My girlfriend looked back a few times, and she says Tiffany kept staring as she was walking away. Whatever. MY concern at this point, was how the hell are we going to wiggle our way out of this one???
I obviously told mark, he was like, "well it is what it is at this point. We're going to just have to deal with it." I agreed.
No contact from XMIL, so when the weekend came, Mark text her trying to set up visitation. We had planned on talking to DsD about the pregnancy, so she hears it from us, and not her mom or grandma.
Well, dawn LOST HER MIND on mark, AND me. Saying the typical, "Why don't you just deal with that new bitch (me) and the new baby and just be a happy fucking family, and leave DD out of it!!!"
Mark unfortunately engaged. Saying, "This NEW bitch you speak of, has been the only other woman I've been with since your druggie daughter destroyed our lives! And she has been a better mother to DD than her REAL MOTHER in the short time she's been in her life! DD is going to have a brother, and we need to figure this shit out for DD!!"
She then says something to the effect of, "contact me again, and I'll be getting another restraining order on you, you little BASTARD!"
So, mark left it alone. and we decided to just focus on getting our place together, and the birth of our own child. (I had been diagnosed with high blood pressure from the stress)
Mark had been working at a decent job for a while, and he didnt want to jeopardize it with a baby on the way, with a restraining order. (the job was clear on their policies about things like this)
FF 3 months.
No contact. We saved enough to move in to our place. Baby boy was born a month early from my placenta detaching from preeclampsia. (he was fine, as was I)
Adjusting to our new lives, Mark found an even better job, and we we doing ok. We really didnt have the money energy or time to start the court process to fight for custody of DD. I know that his DD should have been a priority, and I (we) regret not taking action sooner.
I was on birth control, but God had other plans. Just 7 weeks after DS was born, BOOM! Pregnant again. Time started flying. I was really stressed, and had multiple health issues with that pregnancy. Mark has been amazing through all of this.
Before we knew it (and I seriously mean that) Baby was due. So, we had in a matter of a year and a half, had 2 baby boys. My almost twins!
Aaaaaaaaaaalright!
on to NOW! (anyone who have read to here is thinking, FINALLY BITCH! haha)
He got child support papers served to him concerning DD.
He immediately text Dawn (she was the one that filed) and said, "If you can't afford my daughter, GIVE HER BACK!"
Honestly, I was proud of him.
She text him back, " Look here you little son of a bitch!!!.... Blah blah blah, restraining order, blah blah blah, restraining order, blah blah BLAH!"
That following Monday, we went to the courthouse and filed for sole custody. We're done fucking around. It's time DsD came home. With a real family. Stable, loving, safe, and has her best interest in mind and heart.
Went to trial assignment, Tiffany was guess where... JAIL! What a surprise... And dawn was there, speaking on her behalf. The judge shut that shit down quick. Tiffany remarkably has custody. Dawn has guardianship. So the judge refused to even let dawn speak. (the gratification watching her get put in her place, was probably more satisfying than appropriate.)
Set up trial, and the judge made arrangements for Tiffany to be transported to court from jail, for the following Monday. (This was a Friday)
Monday came, we show up to court, and guess who walks in with Dawn... YOU'RE RIGHT AGAIN! Tiffany. Not in jail anymore obviously, she starts acting like the perfect mommy in front of the judge. (whatever...)
judge set up mediation.
Mark and Tiffany went to mediation, and Tiffany WALKED OUT 3 different times, to consult with her mommy.
The third time, she left the courthouse completely.
Mark kept his cool, and put his foot down. He DONE playing this bullshit game. WE are fit (exceptionally so) parents. Have the financial means to care for his DD 100% and intend on doing so.
Mark set up (at the recommendation of the mediator) a second mediation appointment. To hopefully give this whole thing a chance to settle.
They both went to mediation, and brought in dawn to join. They agreed on starting slow with the visitations, as to not overwhelm DD. (she literally doesn't even know of her brothers.)
Ok, so they made out some conditions as to appease everyone. No one signed it. it was just an understanding I guess.
So, Mark is to just take DD on a "date"![:)]( ":)")
Just the two of them. Park, McDonalds ice cream, something of that light and fluffy nature. Where nothing too heavy would be discussed the first few visits. (like her brothers really)
In the agreement, it states that both PARENTS need to exchange their true home addresses. Now, by the time this part was discussed in mediation, they had all Ben there for a few hours, Mark was tired. He was also very excited to be able to ACTUALLY set something up to see his DD!!!!!!![:D]( ":D")
So he didnt really think too seriously on the address issue.
Call me crazy, but because I have my boys to think about, I don't want this BSC family knowing where me and my children live.
After bringing this to Marks attention, he completely agrees.
So, Mark text Dawn, and simply said, "hey this is mark" to make sure she has his new number (he had changed it after the "look here you little son of a bitch" text from her)
Then Mark and DD talked on the phone for a brief few moments to set up the visit, and so she knew it was real.
Dawn then replies (after the phone call), "I'm going to need your full CORRECT ADDRESS before Tuesday." (the day visitation is suppose to happen)
He replied, "It is not required by court, or through the mediation agreement, because no one signed it, and you're not one of the parents. I'm not comfortable with it right now. Maybe in the future when overnights start happening, but as of Tuesday, we're going to the park. Not my house."
Tiffany hasn't even been in contact with mark. But allowing her mom to call the shots.
I feel like from my time lurking here, XMIL needs to be shut down NOW. Before she thinks she controls everything.
Mark and I have no doubt we will be gaining sole custody.
Ok, FF to Tuesday (visitation day)
That morning, Mark received a text from XMIL, "you NEED to give me your address, or you will NOT be taking DD!"
his reply, "If you read the agreement, (which is signed by no one, it states, 'both PARENTS are to exchange their addresses'.
Being that you are neither mother nor father, I am under no obligation to disclose this information. Again, I'm taking her to the park. There is no reason to share my home address.
I will be there at 6pm, as agreed, to pick up my daughter. If you withhold her from this visit, I will be taking this issue back to mediation."
her reply, " I just spoke with Tiffany, she said don't bother coming tonight. She will set up another appointment for mediation and let you know when it is. you two can settle things then." (Like she's not going to be sitting in the room pushing her wants onto Tiffany.)
marks reply, "DD is expecting me. I told her I will be there at 6, so I will be. You need to learn your place in this situation. You're not in control here. I'M the fit parent in this situation. And if Tiffany has a problem, she needs to take it up with me herself."
then he text and said, "looks like I won't be taking DD anywhere until we establish common ground, and trust. With a positive relationship between everyone. But I will be there at 6 tonight to see my daughter, if only for a hug."
OMG this is so long. I'm sorry.
So at 5, mark took our car and dropped it off at my grandmas house, and he took her Subaru outback, to avoid as much much as possible any of them knowing what we drive. for obvious reasons. He showed up at exactly 6pm. As promised.
Tiffany showed up, with 2 guys, who looked like they were on drugs. Tiffany jumps out of the car, screaming at mark all kinds of stuff. "WHY IS THIS SO FUCKING HARD FOR YOU!!!!"
He calmly said, "I'm not taking her anywhere, I just want to see her and give her a hug."
She turned her attitude completely around and says, "oh. ok. I'll go get her."
upon her return, DD is no where to be found. (probably being locked in her room so she can't see daddy is there. So they can use it against him, telling her god knows what. Something like, "your dad never showed up. see how important you are to him?")
GAG
Mark and Tiffany exchange words. mark asks why she's letting dawn call the shots. she gives some bullshit excuse. by the end of the talk Tiffany told mark where she lives. Hoping that would get him to open up and tell her where we live. When in reality, where she says she lives, is literally ACROSS THE STREET from us.
So, definitely not happening now. I refuse to let this broad know where my children sleep, when it's a 2 minute walk from her place, to my front fucking door. NOPE!
NOPE NOPE NOPE!
Ok, the ending...
Where do we go from here. Please no legal advice. that's all covered. But we need tips on how to handle these BSC bitches.
How do we make dawn understand her place? How do we handle the visits, and introduction to her brothers? How can we make this transition for DsD as smoothly as possible? Do we cave and give our address???
Im sure I have any more questions, but this is a mile long already, and I commend anyone who read the whole thing. Even half really. lol
Thanks in advance.
Oh, and I'm sorry if I broke any rules. let me know what (if anything) and ill edit as soon as possible.
Im going to be using real namesake times, and not acronyms to avoid confusing myself. I have no fear in the other party finding this.
Where do I even begin?
Firstly, My DH (Mark) and his ex wife (Tiffany) got pregnant and had their daughter at the ripe ages of 16 (Tiffany) and 17 (Mark).
Mark decided to go to a trade school, and get an education to be able to provide for his daughter. By the time he was 18, he was making extremely good money, with an excellent career.
In the meantime, Tiffany was spending his hard earned money on pills. This escalated very quickly to meth. They were not married at this point, but because Tiffany didnt have insurance, They thought the right thing to do, would be to get married, get added to his extremely good insurance, and receive help for her addiction. (Rehab)
Well, as she was getting said help, Mark was out of town for a few weeks for work. She stopped with the help, and got ahold of all the money in their bank account and DRAINED it. Went on a drug binge for a few weeks, tore the apartment they had apart. (I'm talking dog feces, drug needles, beer bottles... just FILTH) Also destroyed about 10 awards mark had hanging on their walls from past accomplishments. (this broke my heart when he told me)
During all this, their daughter was with Tiffany's (adopted) parents.
*quick BG on Tiffany's bio mom: she died of a heroin overdose right after Tiffany was born*
Mark and XILs (Dawn & Tony) had a decent relationship. Mark moved in with his mom, and was sleeping on her couch after the apartment thing, and XILs had an extra room for Marks daughter. So, they agreed to keep her there while Tiffany was gone on a drug binge, and mark was focusing on work, to try to get back on his feet from this blow.
Everything was fine, and out of nowhere, XFIL started harassing mark at HIS JOB for $50 he loaned him AND Tiffany, for an air conditioning unit for their apartment. After multiple times of XFIL coming by, waving his cane in the air, yelling obscenities for all to hear, Mark took his daughter to his moms house, and put them on TO.
*quick BG on me and marks family:
I have been best friends with marks older sister since we were 12 years old. I know the entire family well. And knew a little about the drama between mark and his ILs. *
I knew mark and Tiffany split up a while ago. I was never interested in mark, up until a family BBQ for my best friends DH. Welcoming him home from Iraq.
Everyone there was being cute and making comments about how mark and I would make a perfect couple and so on. We obviously hit it off that night, and he kissed me on the hood of his brothers Honda under the stars *butterflies* lol I ended up spending the night with my best friend, at her dads house where the BBQ was held, and he went back to his moms. The next day I went up to my best friends house (about 3 hours away) to help with her 4 kids. (she just had a baby, and her husband just got home from war, so I wanted to do them a favor, and give them some time for each other, as I was able to be there for 2 weeks.)
Mark and I kept in touch via texting, very innocent. He's a perfect gentlemen.
Then one day, he showed up to surprise me (and his sister I suppose :P)
This is when we made a relationship official.
Now I know this sounds like it all happen quickly, but please keep in mind Mark has only "been" with Tiffany up until we got together. He's a very old school kinda guy.
About 2 months after we got together, I was introduced to his daughter. As daddy's friend. We were not affectionate in front of her, and kept our relationship on the down low for quite some time.
During all this time, Tiffany was still missing, on drugs, in and out of jail, and just a toxic person. Their daughter (at this point) wasnt aware of her mothers actions. (she was just 3 years old) but told her mommy was "sick". (Lord knows that's the truth)
DsD and I became very close. So much so, she requested I watch her, instead of grandma (marks mom) while daddy was at work. To make sure the boundaries where in tact, we only allowed about once a week for me to watch her. But her and I became closer and closer as this went on.
She one day asked me, "Katina,( Kristina) are you going to be my new mommy."
She carried around a small photo album dedicated to pictures of just her and her mom, so I got the album, and sat her next to me and explained, "DsD, no one will ever replace your mommy. But I will always be there for you, and will always be your friend." I had hoped this was an exceptional response, being that she was only 3 and a half years old. At this point, I opened the album and said, "Now lets look at your mommys pictures."
She reciprocated this well and we had a good time the rest of the day. But I do have to say, I was broken inside for her. I have cried many tears for her. And I love this little girl as if she were truly my very own child.
FF about a month. The lawn tantrums (at marks job) from XFIL became more and more. Mark was feeling very harassed, and his boss was getting on him about said tantrums. Because mark had been an excellent employer, his boss agreed to give a good reference to another job. He put his 2 weeks in, and they went their separate ways. It took a lot longer than expected to find another job, and mark had become overwhelmed and severely depressed.
The XILs agreed to squash and money factor, with the stipulation that they get to see their granddaughter. And promised, Tiffany wouldn't be around. Mark apprehensively agreed. He didnt want to interfere with DD having a relationship with potentially good grandparents. So, it started slow. Then overnights. FF about 3 months of good standings with these people. Tiffany decided to "get clean". (pffft)
She returned to the picture, and started calling the shots. (lovely, right?)
Out of NOWHERE (I suspect it had to do with me and her daughter having such a close relationship, and feeling "replaced") gets a restraining order on mark, with emergency temporary custody. Talk about devastating DD. Not to mention an excellent father. The order was full of lies. Saying he pulled a gun on her (Tiffany) and that he tried to run her and DD over in his car.
1. Mark doesn't own a gun.
2. He would never try to harm his daughter. Or Tiffany for that matter.
2 days before court, Mark was spending the night with me, and he went out to make sure his car was locked, and GUESS WHAT!!!! The 2 tires on the far side (driver side) were flat, and obviously slashed. We changed one of the tires with a spare, and hobbled the car to an apartment complex next door, to hide it. As we were getting ready to walk back to my place, an officer pulled up, started asking us all kinds of questions, and said they had been called because Tiffany's mom and dads vehicles had been vandalized. All 8 of their tires had been slashed. And she had reason to believe it was Mark and I. Obviously we showed him the tires that had been slashed on his vehicle, and explained we were just trying to hide his car to keep it safe. The police officer believed us and went on his way.
At court Tiffany admitted, with a smile on her face, that she indeed slashed marks tires, claiming the vehicle was hers (it was not). And tried saying mark slashed her parents tires.
I believe she did it. To make him look like he retaliated. Based on the information in the restraining order, and how serious the accusations were, the judge granted her the order. He was absolutely broken. He was required to keep away from Tiffany, her mom and dad, and their sweet DD. For an entire year. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.
He spiraled. He felt he lost his reason for being (DD) and gave up for a while.
I'll just FF a year. The day the restraining order was up, he contacted Tiffany. SHE asked HIM, "Is the R/O expired?" SMDH
He said yes, and I want to see my daughter.
She replied, "well she lives with my mom and I'm not allowed there."
AWESOME! Ugh. During this year, she had been in and out of jail for numerous things.
Dawn had guardianship, and was in full control mode.
She allowed short visits. During the visits, DsD and mark picked up right where they left off. BEST BUDS!! Everything was good for a while.
Then, I got some interesting news. IM pregnant. Let me just say, we weren't trying, but in all honesty, we weren't super careful either.
We kept this information quiet for a while, in hopes of getting a place together, to then fight for custody of DsD. We wanted a solid foundation to stand on before we blew everything up with my pregnancy. Because heaven knows it was going to be a blow.
(FTR, mark and I were stoked about a baby of our own)
As we were both working, and saving money, guess who decided to "get clean" yet AGAIN!? Yup. Tiffany. For whatever reason, her mom believes her every time. Lets her in, and let her start calling the shots.
well, I was about 6 months pregnant, and showing by now (not much, as I was able to hide it from DsD and others if I needed to) and I was at the grocery store with a girlfriend, it was summer, I'm wearing shorts and a tank top, and guess who's standing right behind me in line. Yup. Tiffany again. STARING at my stomach, she then turns away all huffy puffy, and I thought, left.
Nope, she was standing outside, and we made eye contact. She looked me up and down, and took off. I never said a word, barely looked at her, and went to my car. My girlfriend looked back a few times, and she says Tiffany kept staring as she was walking away. Whatever. MY concern at this point, was how the hell are we going to wiggle our way out of this one???
I obviously told mark, he was like, "well it is what it is at this point. We're going to just have to deal with it." I agreed.
No contact from XMIL, so when the weekend came, Mark text her trying to set up visitation. We had planned on talking to DsD about the pregnancy, so she hears it from us, and not her mom or grandma.
Well, dawn LOST HER MIND on mark, AND me. Saying the typical, "Why don't you just deal with that new bitch (me) and the new baby and just be a happy fucking family, and leave DD out of it!!!"
Mark unfortunately engaged. Saying, "This NEW bitch you speak of, has been the only other woman I've been with since your druggie daughter destroyed our lives! And she has been a better mother to DD than her REAL MOTHER in the short time she's been in her life! DD is going to have a brother, and we need to figure this shit out for DD!!"
She then says something to the effect of, "contact me again, and I'll be getting another restraining order on you, you little BASTARD!"
So, mark left it alone. and we decided to just focus on getting our place together, and the birth of our own child. (I had been diagnosed with high blood pressure from the stress)
Mark had been working at a decent job for a while, and he didnt want to jeopardize it with a baby on the way, with a restraining order. (the job was clear on their policies about things like this)
FF 3 months.
No contact. We saved enough to move in to our place. Baby boy was born a month early from my placenta detaching from preeclampsia. (he was fine, as was I)
Adjusting to our new lives, Mark found an even better job, and we we doing ok. We really didnt have the money energy or time to start the court process to fight for custody of DD. I know that his DD should have been a priority, and I (we) regret not taking action sooner.
I was on birth control, but God had other plans. Just 7 weeks after DS was born, BOOM! Pregnant again. Time started flying. I was really stressed, and had multiple health issues with that pregnancy. Mark has been amazing through all of this.
Before we knew it (and I seriously mean that) Baby was due. So, we had in a matter of a year and a half, had 2 baby boys. My almost twins!
Aaaaaaaaaaalright!
on to NOW! (anyone who have read to here is thinking, FINALLY BITCH! haha)
He got child support papers served to him concerning DD.
He immediately text Dawn (she was the one that filed) and said, "If you can't afford my daughter, GIVE HER BACK!"
Honestly, I was proud of him.
She text him back, " Look here you little son of a bitch!!!.... Blah blah blah, restraining order, blah blah blah, restraining order, blah blah BLAH!"
That following Monday, we went to the courthouse and filed for sole custody. We're done fucking around. It's time DsD came home. With a real family. Stable, loving, safe, and has her best interest in mind and heart.
Went to trial assignment, Tiffany was guess where... JAIL! What a surprise... And dawn was there, speaking on her behalf. The judge shut that shit down quick. Tiffany remarkably has custody. Dawn has guardianship. So the judge refused to even let dawn speak. (the gratification watching her get put in her place, was probably more satisfying than appropriate.)
Set up trial, and the judge made arrangements for Tiffany to be transported to court from jail, for the following Monday. (This was a Friday)
Monday came, we show up to court, and guess who walks in with Dawn... YOU'RE RIGHT AGAIN! Tiffany. Not in jail anymore obviously, she starts acting like the perfect mommy in front of the judge. (whatever...)
judge set up mediation.
Mark and Tiffany went to mediation, and Tiffany WALKED OUT 3 different times, to consult with her mommy.
The third time, she left the courthouse completely.
Mark kept his cool, and put his foot down. He DONE playing this bullshit game. WE are fit (exceptionally so) parents. Have the financial means to care for his DD 100% and intend on doing so.
Mark set up (at the recommendation of the mediator) a second mediation appointment. To hopefully give this whole thing a chance to settle.
They both went to mediation, and brought in dawn to join. They agreed on starting slow with the visitations, as to not overwhelm DD. (she literally doesn't even know of her brothers.)
Ok, so they made out some conditions as to appease everyone. No one signed it. it was just an understanding I guess.
So, Mark is to just take DD on a "date"
Just the two of them. Park, McDonalds ice cream, something of that light and fluffy nature. Where nothing too heavy would be discussed the first few visits. (like her brothers really)In the agreement, it states that both PARENTS need to exchange their true home addresses. Now, by the time this part was discussed in mediation, they had all Ben there for a few hours, Mark was tired. He was also very excited to be able to ACTUALLY set something up to see his DD!!!!!!
So he didnt really think too seriously on the address issue. Call me crazy, but because I have my boys to think about, I don't want this BSC family knowing where me and my children live.
After bringing this to Marks attention, he completely agrees.
So, Mark text Dawn, and simply said, "hey this is mark" to make sure she has his new number (he had changed it after the "look here you little son of a bitch" text from her)
Then Mark and DD talked on the phone for a brief few moments to set up the visit, and so she knew it was real.
Dawn then replies (after the phone call), "I'm going to need your full CORRECT ADDRESS before Tuesday." (the day visitation is suppose to happen)
He replied, "It is not required by court, or through the mediation agreement, because no one signed it, and you're not one of the parents. I'm not comfortable with it right now. Maybe in the future when overnights start happening, but as of Tuesday, we're going to the park. Not my house."
Tiffany hasn't even been in contact with mark. But allowing her mom to call the shots.
I feel like from my time lurking here, XMIL needs to be shut down NOW. Before she thinks she controls everything.
Mark and I have no doubt we will be gaining sole custody.
Ok, FF to Tuesday (visitation day)
That morning, Mark received a text from XMIL, "you NEED to give me your address, or you will NOT be taking DD!"
his reply, "If you read the agreement, (which is signed by no one, it states, 'both PARENTS are to exchange their addresses'.
Being that you are neither mother nor father, I am under no obligation to disclose this information. Again, I'm taking her to the park. There is no reason to share my home address.
I will be there at 6pm, as agreed, to pick up my daughter. If you withhold her from this visit, I will be taking this issue back to mediation."
her reply, " I just spoke with Tiffany, she said don't bother coming tonight. She will set up another appointment for mediation and let you know when it is. you two can settle things then." (Like she's not going to be sitting in the room pushing her wants onto Tiffany.)
marks reply, "DD is expecting me. I told her I will be there at 6, so I will be. You need to learn your place in this situation. You're not in control here. I'M the fit parent in this situation. And if Tiffany has a problem, she needs to take it up with me herself."
then he text and said, "looks like I won't be taking DD anywhere until we establish common ground, and trust. With a positive relationship between everyone. But I will be there at 6 tonight to see my daughter, if only for a hug."
OMG this is so long. I'm sorry.
So at 5, mark took our car and dropped it off at my grandmas house, and he took her Subaru outback, to avoid as much much as possible any of them knowing what we drive. for obvious reasons. He showed up at exactly 6pm. As promised.
Tiffany showed up, with 2 guys, who looked like they were on drugs. Tiffany jumps out of the car, screaming at mark all kinds of stuff. "WHY IS THIS SO FUCKING HARD FOR YOU!!!!"
He calmly said, "I'm not taking her anywhere, I just want to see her and give her a hug."
She turned her attitude completely around and says, "oh. ok. I'll go get her."
upon her return, DD is no where to be found. (probably being locked in her room so she can't see daddy is there. So they can use it against him, telling her god knows what. Something like, "your dad never showed up. see how important you are to him?")
GAG
Mark and Tiffany exchange words. mark asks why she's letting dawn call the shots. she gives some bullshit excuse. by the end of the talk Tiffany told mark where she lives. Hoping that would get him to open up and tell her where we live. When in reality, where she says she lives, is literally ACROSS THE STREET from us.
So, definitely not happening now. I refuse to let this broad know where my children sleep, when it's a 2 minute walk from her place, to my front fucking door. NOPE!
NOPE NOPE NOPE!
Ok, the ending...
Where do we go from here. Please no legal advice. that's all covered. But we need tips on how to handle these BSC bitches.
How do we make dawn understand her place? How do we handle the visits, and introduction to her brothers? How can we make this transition for DsD as smoothly as possible? Do we cave and give our address???
Im sure I have any more questions, but this is a mile long already, and I commend anyone who read the whole thing. Even half really. lol
Thanks in advance.
Oh, and I'm sorry if I broke any rules. let me know what (if anything) and ill edit as soon as possible.