Have you ever lost something in a fire? A house, a letter-â€something quite unintentional, but all the same completely gone when the smoke clears?
Yeah that is what my family life feels like.
At the core of it was my stupid dying unicorn, my FOO and a road blazed by a wildfire of magical, sparkly, rainbow farting, fruitloop shitting prancing fucking unicorns that met with a bouncing betty filled with FAIL.
I came to DWIL several years ago with moderate FOO issues regarding my Step FOO as I had cut off my biological father and his toxic family some years before (I did come back when I had a small unicorn moment of trying to reconcile but ultimately dropped the rope almost a year ago without one single regret!) My step FOO was trimmed down severely after mistreatment and favoritism of other grandkids over my ODD and general shitty behavior towards me to the point that I only dealt with my two uncles on a limited contact kind of basis maybe three times a year. The last few years have been ok and without super major incident.
This shitfest began about a year ago when we were invited to a family trip to Yellowstone. I was super exited, my husband was super excited. I had never been and had dreamed of seeing the Prismatic springs and other cool features pretty much from the getgo. This trip came about after my Step dad and two uncles decided they were getting too old for the "boys" hunting trip that they took annually in the winter. I was very specific to ask my mom if this Yellow stone trip was the "boys" trip. I was assured that this was not that that the family (my mom, step dad, older uncle, younger uncle and two cousins) was planning this as a one shot deal to have a good time in an amazing destination with all the cousins and grand kids.
About the boys club, because this becomes important later. Step dad, is the ultimate peace keeper. Older uncle I now realize is a major drama promoter and younger uncle I genuinely think is the worlds most selfish narcissist. They however are a tight knit group. They do everything together. Step Dad has a pretty good relationship with my husband, where as my uncles, have never treated him as one of the family. I realize now , whether intention on my mother's part, or more likely a manifestation of her own head in the sand coping technique that I was seriously gas lit about why they treated my husband so awkwardly. I was assured up and down that I was reading into their behavior and that both my husband and I were too sensitive / took things too personally. We tried to move on and simply limited our contact to "Hi.","Bye", and "how bout them" (insert local sports chit chat here.) Retrospect is telling me that these gaslighting conversations were the resurrection of what I thought was my dead unicorn.
In the meantime, we planned, saved and spent the next year prepping for what we thought was going to be a fantastic trip to Yellowstone. I got pregnant in December, and while we were concerned about me being in my second trimester (days away from my 3rd) I had the all clear from my midwives so we were confident when my parents made the reservations (I know… I know. WE should have made the reservations… Lesson learned way too late- but I trusted my mom).
The trip was supposed to be from the 22nd to the end of the month. We are self employed so that meant we were scrambling like crazy to make sure our business could run on its own without us for a week, the whole family was ready and that we were ready to go.
This trip was a fiasco from the start. About four days before we left, my mom convinced me to drive her SUV behind my husband( who was hauling our camper and equipment) and her in their Rental RV.
Originally the plan was that DH and I would ride together in our car with our ODS (3 1/2) and YDS (21 months). I wasn't supposed to drive. I now realize they were assuming from the beginning of planning this trip that we were going to be bringing our two cars, and had untended to use our second vehicle to visit attractions in the park so that they would not need to drive the RV to Old faithful, etc. This was not something we had been made aware of. I caved, had a huge stupid DUW moment and my husband went along with it, even though he had valid concerns about me having to drive 12 hours. (I am 27 weeks pregnant, closing in on 28 when we get home in a few days.) The other shitty thing that went down was my dogs. I have two dogs who due to past abuse, cannot be Kennled with other dogs. We have taken them camping and every where with us without a problem.
My parents became very insistant that I needed to kennel them or have a friend watch them because logistically it would be hard for my parents to watch the dogs on the one or two days we would need to leave for a morning to see some of the attractions we wanted to see. I was told we would get kicked out of the park for their barking and that there was no way they could stay in the RV , even separately kenneled because they would cause my moms dog to bark. Another fucking DUW moment because I told my parents that I didn't budget for a kennel and that the dogs couldn't be kenneled due to their past. My step dad was insistant that he would pay for a kennel. We asked my BIL to watch the dogs and paid him $200 we really didnt have set aside to settle the problem. Huge fucking fail on my part while feeling pressure from being literally days away from leaving to cross states for this trip.
We leave and there is drama about the Caravan (typically my husband and I are pretty independent, use google on our phone and meet up at our site, hotel etc, later.) This was not cool with my parents. We had to stop together, drive together and depart/arrive together. I chalked it up to, frankly my parents being technophobes. They don't like cell phones and don't use a GPS. My step dad actually whipped out a map trying to figure out how to get to the RV park in Thermopolis. The drive otherwise is uneventful other then I was tired and run down about six hours in and my mom had to drive for two hours with me and the kids in her car.
We stay at a really cool RV ground with a mineral spring, have good night and take off again early Monday morning to make the last 4 or 5 hours to Yellowstone. We roll in around three and the shit hits the fan. My husband and I were at the back of the caravan in separate cars but I knew the moment we pulled up something was very fucked up and wrong. He told me later he felt the same thing..
My older Uncle was whispering to younger uncle and no one said hello or waved to my husband or I. Older Uncle was already set up in his spot with a trailer and younger uncle was in the next spot in just a tent with his wife and teen. There was no third RV spot for us. My step dad asked where the spot was, and Younger uncle said "Hm. That's weird lets go look." In a really suspicious sketchy kind of way. There was a fucking spot, FOR A GODDAMN TENT. Younger Uncle had taken our RV spot because he wanted to be next to older Uncle and wanted a tent pad. What spot was left for us?? The tent spot. The cherry on top was that we were expected to set up our camper on the side of the road, for one. The bigger flaming pile of shit on top of this was that directly from the edge of the road, leading down to the tent spot was a sharp hill, like something you would sled down, literally down a valley. So literally even if we could get our camper off the road enough to avoid being side swiped, you step literally onto a slope and would slide or fall.
I was livid. My husband was calm and cool and said, "hey, lets just go down the registration and see if they can help us fix this." They leave and are gone for an hour, during this time Younger Uncle gets called down there because unbeknownst to us Younger uncle had control of the reservations and spot, not my parents llike they promised.
My phone was in the car with Step dad, so I never got the call from my husband saying that I needed to have the kids packed and ready to leave NOW. When he got back he was pissed and was trying to figure out some way for us to camp where his seven month pregnant wife was not going to fall and hurt herself, and baby. Or worse yet see our toddler or older special needs child get hurt.
What went down at Registration was a shit fest. Of course. Yellowstone in 1000% booked so there is no alternate spot anywhere else in the park. The female ranger steps in and says the most intelligent truthful thing of the day. "The problem isn't the spots, folks. The problem is that the Tent camper is in the RV spot.He needs to move." This was the woman who had checked in Younger uncle when he came to get the spots before we got there. She has specifically assigned him the tent sport because that was the equipment he had.
So what does my husband do? He politely asks Younger uncle if we can trade spots. Younger uncle absolutely refused. Step dad tries to talk to younger uncle. Younger uncle walks outside to the truck and starts shaking telling people to leave him alone because he is so fucking mad. He then unsults my husband and step day by saying "I'm going to do what you guys can't--â€get something accomplished." Walks in with my husband and asks Ranger bob: "They can set up the camper in the parking spot and just park their car somewhere else right?" (The nearest lot was MILES away) Ranger bob looked a bit dubious but has honestly been doing everything short of pulling teeth to try to help and said, "Well I suppose." Younger uncle slalpped the counter, said "Well that solves it!" Walked out and left for camp.
They finally get back, my husband is upset but playing nice ( I have only once ever seen my husband get truly enraged ONCE. To any one else, he appeared downright pleasant). Younger uncle and older uncle come over and are insistant about helping us set up camp, we tell them we have it taken care of. Younger uncle then decides its time for them to go up the road for 10 minutes to see such and such attraction. My mom comes up and asks to take the boys with her. I told her I wanted to keep them at camp and went to quietly talk to my cousin. My cousin is a good guy. He doesn't gossip, he respects me and if I tell him I need him to keep something confidential, its done. I ask him very quietly if he would mind driving my moms car back. He doesn't ask, nods and says "I understand, no problem." Old uncle was ease dropping and starts in on me. I told him that I was struggling on the drive up here and did not think I could make the whole drive back when the time came. Conversation over.
I finally get to talk to my husband. My mother is with him and upset, she stays behind with us and everyone else goes including my ODD to do this 10 minute run. My step dad took the SUV which had everything -- our car seats, my purse etc.
I told my mom I'm sorry but we were leaving, cousin would drive her car back and my husband went back to registration to get a refund. They gave us thirty minutes to pack up and get a full refund, we did it in 15. My mom was furious with older uncle and her husband and told me that she respected my decision and that this was fucked up. Whelp, as you can probably guess, it was not a ten minute excursion. They were gone closer to three hours. I didn't even have my diaper bag to change my fucking kids. Our food, everything was hostage who knows FUCKING where.
They all get back and the shit hits the fan. Why are we packed up, why aren't we in our site anymore- etc. Older Uncle and Younger Uncle are losing their mind, my Step dad is red faced and looks like he is going to cry. Older Uncle has the nerve to come up to me and say,"Now wait a minute. Lets not make a decision in the heat of the moment." I shut him down and asked him what it would take and how anyone here could glaze over how fucked up this situation was. Did I need to fall and hurt me and baby, break my water or see my kids get hurt for someone to have a moment of clarity. He said I couldn't leave because it would ruin the vacation because my mom would be mad at rob who would be mad at younger and uncle brother and that everyone would be miserable. I told him that the decision was made, the site was refunded and that we were only here because they had taken off with my car seats. Older uncle said that I couldn't drive twelve hours here just to turn around. I told him we had and we were leaving.
While I was switching car seats Older uncle was dealing with Younger Uncle having a melt down. Yonger uncle had the fucking nerve to say "if I had known there was a preference!" What in the ever loving FUCK? He was the tent camper, he was assigned the site he pawned off on us. Are you FUCKING MENTAL man? He was asked by a park ranger and two other people to move to his site!
Everyone was harassing me until I told them it was done and to leave me alone. I went to get the keys for my car that was back in our home state from my mom. She was ripping my Step dad a new asshole, even though we had asked her not to get involved in this. My step dad was begging us to stay saying that he would move their 30 foot RV into a space that barely fit my 19 foot camper. I have a picture I need to edit to show the sheer fucking stupidity of what they expected us to do! Literally one support leg of the camper was not even on the asphalt. Ther was about three inches of asphalt that extended past the bottom step before the slope of fucking doom. Which I rolled my ankle on the very first time I went in the camper!
This trip was eye fucking opening. We spent four hours in the park, three of which were spend sitting at a picnic table waiting for our kidnapped car seats to come back so we could fucking leave. We did not see one feature. The only thing we say on the way out was a single bison. I feel badly for ODD because she really wanted to go fishing with my husband andf have some Daddy daughter moments. She stayed with my parents because we were no able to fit two car seats and a larger teen in our single row SUV. Not ideal but it is how it had to be.
We left at seven, drove 5 hours to Thermopolis, and another seven hours home on Tuesday.. On the drive home, my Husband and I came to the agreement that my step foo are dead to me. The Baby-Q and baby shower are cancelled and that we will be taking a break from my parents until the baby is born. I have no fucking clue what to do with my parents. I don't know that they purposely manipulated us aside from the fucking car. The rest of this shit show was Younger fucking Uncle. My mom lives with her head in the sand with these people, and my step dad is the peace maker at all costs. What the fuck do I do with this relationship?
DH and I got home only to have a spectacular fight, an uncomfortable silent drive to my moms house so I could get my mini van and make up after I broke down crying because I realized how fucking little my family caes about me, my kids safety, my huabnds or how very very very hard we worked for this trip to literally go to Yellowstone FOR ONE FUCKING HOUR. I'm seven months pregnant and no one care about my needs or safety let alone my kids!
My Stepfoo doesn't like me. They only wanted access to my kids. They did not want us on this trip. This trip was an extension of the old boys club and my parents were beyond fucking wrong to invite us when no one else wanted us there. Infact the ranger said that there were three long standing reservations and one add on. The add on was the fifth fucking wheel no one wanted- me and my family. I'm sick of the fucking way they treat my husband. The whole time we were packing everyone was about how "angry Dh is"-- my husband was all smile and laughs while he packed up. He wasn't the fucking person who was shaking with rage at a rangers station while everyone else looked away because no one in the family with deal with Younger Uncles tantrums.
Honestly DH only said one thing to anyone right as we were leaving. Older Uncle again said we need to calm down and talk things out. My husband looked at him, gave him a millionwatt smile and said, "The time to talk about this was three hours ago. We're leaving."That's it. No yelling, no cursing, not one negative word.
Just fuck Man.
We decided this morning that they can rot on the nether side, drove over to a resort on the river and will spend the next two days enjoying what little we have left of our vacation. I'm still just..numb, angry at my self, angry at my family. Dissapointed.
I fucked up. I let my husband down in dealing with my family. I hope if people got through reading this: Please.. please don't make these mistakes. Not worth it, This shit fest has cost us way more then we ever imagined..
Edited to correct the stupid characters.. I'm sorry if I seem strung out... its 3 in the morning, I can't sleep. I'm crying and just really really struggling with the shitastic very expensive week we are having..