I know that the usual protocol is 'not my circus, not my monkeys', and I'm fully prepared to do that if the consensus is that it's the right way forward. I guess I just wanted to check, and to see what people felt was the 'limit' that had to be crossed before it becomes other peoples' business.
ANYWAY - background to the story. I have two autistic siblings, and growing up, I was heavily involved in social groups where children with autism and their neurotypical siblings could socialize. So I have seen autism in my siblings, but also the siblings of a lot of my friends, from the time they were toddlers into adulthood. I am not trained in this, but I have a great deal of personal experience in the matter. I'm quite a bit older than my siblings, so I saw how they were as babies and toddlers compared to our other cousins, so I have a fairly good idea of how autism can present and what signs to look for.
My current story is that BIL and SIL have a daugher who is 2 and a half years old. Something isn't reading as neurotypical about her - I don't want to speculate on the details because I think medical information will get this board closed. But it is a whole bunch of things, very subtle things and outright red flags, and it has been increasing over time. She is markedly behind on certain things and nobody in her family seems to be noticing. I am pretty sure she has autism or at least needs to be screened for delays.
SIL told us a few weeks ago that the daycare providers were contacting her in regards to her daughter's behaviour and that she should bring this up with her pediatrician. SIL and BIL scoffed and said that they were "picking on" their daughter because they have a grudge against SIL for something (SIL also works at the daycare centre). They said there is nothing wrong with her and expressed some backwards ideas about how she couldn't have autism because she "doesn't look r*******" (which made me really mad for obvious reasons).
I'm not sure what to do. DH wants to tell them straight, but I know exactly how they will react ("there's nothing wrong with our daughter, how dare you suggest that" blah blah). I don't think there is any value in bringing it up, but I'm also worried for our niece - that if there is something happening, she will miss out on a critical window for early intervention that could help a lot. Normally I would say 'not my circus' and leave it to the daycare, but they have flagged it, and they are still ignoring it. What does everybody think?
Edited to take out offensive word!