Long time listener, first time caller.
More BG than probably needed:
-DH and I live across country from family, and have for several years. We have a 10 month old.
-We stayed local for Xmas, but mentioned possibility of visiting family this spring/summer
-typically Skype with FOO once every 2-3 weeks, occasional emails with a baby picture or two in between. Not a super close relationship since I moved from hometown 11yrs ago, but they are trying to communicate way more than I have the time for now that there's a grandkid (frequent requests for more pictures and more skyping, basically in every email from them in between skyping).
-mid-March, mom asked if we planned to visit anytime soon because she has vacation time she'll lose if not used by end of June. I said I wasn't sure when, we needed to look at both of our work schedules, plane tix, etc. DH travels for work, dates are tentative and change often. He originally had work travel early April, now bumped to late April, which is one of the times we considered visiting, so I'm glad I never mentioned those dates as a possibility. I limit the tentative info I give to my parents because they latch on to it as though it is certain and don't handle deviations well.
-meanwhile, unbeknownst to my family, DH has been pursuing a promotion with a different employer since late January. Didn't share with parents yet because it wasn't worth telling them if it didn't pan out in the end. And also because it doesn't actually impact them and they are not going to be supportive of any move or job change unless it's back to my hometown (afterall, DH "stole" me away and they can't comprehend how I like any place other than hometown that they've never left). Long interview process but just got an offer this week, will start in 2 months. Meaning we are listing our house for sale this week and moving 45 minutes closer to his new job sometime before then.
-Oh, also I'm 9 weeks pregnant with #2. Didn't plan to tell family for at least another month or two because I am already dreading the obnoxious 1-2x weekly emails asking me if I have morning sickness, how much weight have I gained and send a belly pic. The longer I can hold off, the better.
-Historically, mom saves questions/potential conflicts for email instead of bringing up while on Skype or phone (e.g., throwing me a baby shower I couldn't attend, questions about how soon they could visit after baby was born, passive aggressive comments/questions about when in-laws visit us, past holiday travel).
My question: how do I respond to my mom's passive aggressive(?) or just indirect whining/pouting in her email? See second paragraph below.
Email from Mom today, entitled "Vacation"
"Good morning,
It looks like (LO) is starting to make your life a little busier with her mobility. What fun!! The way your stairs end on the first floor, you can't even put a gate at ground level. How is your babysitter doing with 2 little movers?
I guess since you haven't given a response about coming here, it means you won't be coming. I am just going to find some Fridays and Mondays and try to use up my vacation so I don't lose it. (Coworker) is now out for 6-8 weeks having surgery and with the other 2 part-timers schedules, I have to make sure the office is covered. There is also a chunk of time I can't be off due to cut off dates for (work stuff).
I hope all is going well with you guys. Keep those pictures coming!"
While not an outrageous incident, by any means, it is a good example of the type of whining/guilt tripping I have come to rely on from her, sandwiched by a sugar-coated (more pleasant than she is in real life) request for more baby pictures. I wish she would just be direct and say "have you had a chance to look at your calendars?" Or "Are you able to visit soon?" Instead of the way she asks. I am tired of catering to her indirect approach, which is often followed up by my dad texting or calling (thanks to DWIL I now know he's her FM), and don't want to continue to reinforce it. We still plan to visit at some point but don't know when. Emails like this really annoy me and make me want to visit less.
Is she my BEC (very likely) or is this type of email communication annoying to others, too?
More BG than probably needed:
-DH and I live across country from family, and have for several years. We have a 10 month old.
-We stayed local for Xmas, but mentioned possibility of visiting family this spring/summer
-typically Skype with FOO once every 2-3 weeks, occasional emails with a baby picture or two in between. Not a super close relationship since I moved from hometown 11yrs ago, but they are trying to communicate way more than I have the time for now that there's a grandkid (frequent requests for more pictures and more skyping, basically in every email from them in between skyping).
-mid-March, mom asked if we planned to visit anytime soon because she has vacation time she'll lose if not used by end of June. I said I wasn't sure when, we needed to look at both of our work schedules, plane tix, etc. DH travels for work, dates are tentative and change often. He originally had work travel early April, now bumped to late April, which is one of the times we considered visiting, so I'm glad I never mentioned those dates as a possibility. I limit the tentative info I give to my parents because they latch on to it as though it is certain and don't handle deviations well.
-meanwhile, unbeknownst to my family, DH has been pursuing a promotion with a different employer since late January. Didn't share with parents yet because it wasn't worth telling them if it didn't pan out in the end. And also because it doesn't actually impact them and they are not going to be supportive of any move or job change unless it's back to my hometown (afterall, DH "stole" me away and they can't comprehend how I like any place other than hometown that they've never left). Long interview process but just got an offer this week, will start in 2 months. Meaning we are listing our house for sale this week and moving 45 minutes closer to his new job sometime before then.
-Oh, also I'm 9 weeks pregnant with #2. Didn't plan to tell family for at least another month or two because I am already dreading the obnoxious 1-2x weekly emails asking me if I have morning sickness, how much weight have I gained and send a belly pic. The longer I can hold off, the better.
-Historically, mom saves questions/potential conflicts for email instead of bringing up while on Skype or phone (e.g., throwing me a baby shower I couldn't attend, questions about how soon they could visit after baby was born, passive aggressive comments/questions about when in-laws visit us, past holiday travel).
My question: how do I respond to my mom's passive aggressive(?) or just indirect whining/pouting in her email? See second paragraph below.
Email from Mom today, entitled "Vacation"
"Good morning,
It looks like (LO) is starting to make your life a little busier with her mobility. What fun!! The way your stairs end on the first floor, you can't even put a gate at ground level. How is your babysitter doing with 2 little movers?
I guess since you haven't given a response about coming here, it means you won't be coming. I am just going to find some Fridays and Mondays and try to use up my vacation so I don't lose it. (Coworker) is now out for 6-8 weeks having surgery and with the other 2 part-timers schedules, I have to make sure the office is covered. There is also a chunk of time I can't be off due to cut off dates for (work stuff).
I hope all is going well with you guys. Keep those pictures coming!"
While not an outrageous incident, by any means, it is a good example of the type of whining/guilt tripping I have come to rely on from her, sandwiched by a sugar-coated (more pleasant than she is in real life) request for more baby pictures. I wish she would just be direct and say "have you had a chance to look at your calendars?" Or "Are you able to visit soon?" Instead of the way she asks. I am tired of catering to her indirect approach, which is often followed up by my dad texting or calling (thanks to DWIL I now know he's her FM), and don't want to continue to reinforce it. We still plan to visit at some point but don't know when. Emails like this really annoy me and make me want to visit less.
Is she my BEC (very likely) or is this type of email communication annoying to others, too?