Let me preface this with I am an only child who is the primary caregiver to my parents. My mother has a brain injury and an underlying personality disorder that makes her difficult at best. My dad is pre-op transgendered MtoF, which isn't an issue with any of us, but can sometimes can be an issue in our community. My family of origin is all sorts of broken and totally enmeshed. We are preparing to sell the family farm and move them closer to us but into a 55+ apartment.
With that information in mind. In anticipation of moving I have been helping my folks sort through 40 years of accumulated treasures and many historical antiques from my dad's work. I try to keep the things that are sentimental to me and the things I think are important to pass down to our DD's. My mom wants me to keep all their treasures and is hurt that I don't want everyting.
My mom, prior to her injury, was agoraphobic for 20 years, she's also diagnosed engulfing narc. She had varying degrees of phobia from not leaving the house to not leaving the master area. She was (and still is) incredibly manipulative. I once asked her why she was like that and she told me "If I don't manipulate you how do I know I'll get my way?"
I'm pretty sure I'm going to get flamed for being petty, because when I read back through what I have written it looks so innocuous, but it's like being beaten to death with a feather. Everyone sees the sweet confussed old lady and I see the woman who pretends to be stupid so no one expects anything from her.
That brings me to the problem at hand. This year for my birthday she gave me my baby book and a clay handprint I made in pre-school. I realize this is a reaction to having to move and it shouldn't bother me, but for some reason it does. I'm just wondering if anyone else would be irritated by it. I know I should be sensitive and I made sure to gush over the items when they were given to me. It's not about getting a "real" gift from them either, I buy/pay for all the gifts they give everyone so she doesn't blow their budget. It's not so bad though, our entire family numbers 9 counting DH's family too. So, I guess it's about the treasures but not about the treasures.
Over the last 3 years I have backed away from a close relationship with her, blocked her from everyone's facebook pages and only talk to her once a week unless we are working on their budget or doctoring. I can't back off any farther because I can't trust them to not make things difficult for everyone around them.