So I am still a relative newbie to this DWIL nation and have posted a few times about MIL issues and have received some amazing advice. I have realized that my MIL has become my BEC and I am trying to work on ways to not allow the things she says that currently trigger me, to keep doing so in the future.
I have written previously about how my MIL came from a family that financially supported her right til her Dad passed away and her Mum was placed in a nursing home. The money stream dried up and she looked to her only son (my husband) to continue the money stream. My DH has been good at putting his foot down. He has helped her locate public assistance and limit the amount of financial help. We do still chose to pay for certain things that we are comfortable with and that will not jeapardize our own situation (current, retirement and even college savings for our impending LO).
However, because of her past MIL talks alot about money, whether it be to remind DH that he got given "THE BEST" of everything as a child (BTW MIL is Puerto Rican and very image concerned). This bothers me and I not sure why. Need to explore this issue more.
Last time she visited she also made a joke about how because my husband likes nice things that he thinks he is better than anyone else. (In this case the nice thing was his Subaru Outback - hardly a super fancy car in the big picture). This is hard to translate from Spanish, but the joke rubbed me the wrong way. After all she was the one that insisted on him having "THE BEST" of everything. MIL saw that I did not like this joke because when she looked at me to see my reaction, I just looked away with a disinterested expression on my face.
I guess these 2 examples might be a bit vague, but basically what bothers me is that MIL insists on talking about money around us in such unrealistic and almost judgemental ways.
When I met my DH we were just starting out in life and had no one to lean on for financial help (unlike my MIL for most of her life until 62). So we worked hard and have built a stable life for ourselves, we own an average home with a mortgage, two cars, we do have a few nice appliances in the house but mostly we don't dress in designer labels, or buy expensive items. We have a very good standard of living because we are very picky about what we spend our money on. In addition we both work very hard to have good jobs to support our lifestyle.(Additional BG - at several points in our relationship MIL has told people that ALL I care about is money). So when she comes in to our lives and makes comments about money, it triggers me.
How would you suggest handling this situation to stop these stupid comments from triggering or rubbing me the wrong way? I do not want to destroy the relationship between us and MIL over this silliness.
Thanks in advance for your advice!
I have written previously about how my MIL came from a family that financially supported her right til her Dad passed away and her Mum was placed in a nursing home. The money stream dried up and she looked to her only son (my husband) to continue the money stream. My DH has been good at putting his foot down. He has helped her locate public assistance and limit the amount of financial help. We do still chose to pay for certain things that we are comfortable with and that will not jeapardize our own situation (current, retirement and even college savings for our impending LO).
However, because of her past MIL talks alot about money, whether it be to remind DH that he got given "THE BEST" of everything as a child (BTW MIL is Puerto Rican and very image concerned). This bothers me and I not sure why. Need to explore this issue more.
Last time she visited she also made a joke about how because my husband likes nice things that he thinks he is better than anyone else. (In this case the nice thing was his Subaru Outback - hardly a super fancy car in the big picture). This is hard to translate from Spanish, but the joke rubbed me the wrong way. After all she was the one that insisted on him having "THE BEST" of everything. MIL saw that I did not like this joke because when she looked at me to see my reaction, I just looked away with a disinterested expression on my face.
I guess these 2 examples might be a bit vague, but basically what bothers me is that MIL insists on talking about money around us in such unrealistic and almost judgemental ways.
When I met my DH we were just starting out in life and had no one to lean on for financial help (unlike my MIL for most of her life until 62). So we worked hard and have built a stable life for ourselves, we own an average home with a mortgage, two cars, we do have a few nice appliances in the house but mostly we don't dress in designer labels, or buy expensive items. We have a very good standard of living because we are very picky about what we spend our money on. In addition we both work very hard to have good jobs to support our lifestyle.(Additional BG - at several points in our relationship MIL has told people that ALL I care about is money). So when she comes in to our lives and makes comments about money, it triggers me.
How would you suggest handling this situation to stop these stupid comments from triggering or rubbing me the wrong way? I do not want to destroy the relationship between us and MIL over this silliness.
Thanks in advance for your advice!