I've been a BBC member since July 2015 when I joined the birth board. After 35 years off bullshit, I CO my MOO in August 2015. A couple months later I follwed someone from my birth board to DWIL and I've been here ever since. You don't know it, but you guys helped me see that this was the best thing I could do for myself and my family. Thank you!
So on to why I'm here. My YDD(15) received a card and letter from my CO MOO the other day. I intercepted it and held onto it for a day before deciding to let her read it. I know some of you may disagree with that, but I kind of want her to see the BSC. She knows my MOO is crazy, but feels bad for her at the same time and doesn't quite understand why I cut her off. YDDs SD is a raging alcoholic asshole and every phone call with him ends with her in tears. At her tender age she is trying to come to terms with how to deal with him. I keep telling her that she doesn't need to let him treat her like that and that that's why I CO my MOO; because I don't need the constant bullshit. So, that's how I try to relate the two.
Anyway, on to the letter.
Dearest (her nickname for YDD)
...And I do miss you so very much. All of you.
I'm writing to ask you a big favor.
Two years ago there was a big change in my mind set. It also meant a big change in the way I was going to do Christmas as well. I bought a new tree. Then I either threw away or gave away nearly all of my Christmas decorations including the ones for the tree, except for a few that were precious to me and bought all brand new ones. Shortly after (my bro (living/enmeshed with)) and I got the tree up I called you to ask if you'd decorate it for me, and you did. Just watching you was delightful.
For the next two-plus weeks I layed there on the couch with the house lights off, only the tree lights on, and I stared and stared at it. It was so beautiful and it filled me with peace and joy.
I am asking, (YDDs name), if you will be willing to do it again. You tell me when and I'll get everything ready and all the boxes upstairs.
It would mean so very much to me. Please consider it and call me -soon- with your answer and, if it's a yes, let me know when you'd want to.
Have a lovely thanksgiving today, and a happy and blessed Christmas if I don't get to see you.
Please tell your mom that I learned a lot of stuff last Jan. + Feb. when (bro) was in treatment an I was going to Al Anon. I miss her SO much.
Hope to hear from you soon.
All my love,
Grandma
Ok, so the things that bother me about this letter are...
1) I've heard plenty of her "mind set changes" and gd magical fucking mystery tours to sobriety and mental wellbeing, and they're bullshit and she doesn't need to feed it to YDD. I've eaten enough of it for the both of us.
2) Al Anon? Really MOO? Don't you have to accept responsibility for your lack of sobriety and mental health and how it affected other people before you can go there and get pity for how you've been sooo affected by someone else's alcoholism/drug use and mental health?? (Correct me if I'm wrong people, but this feels like such hipocracy.)
3) Don't pressure my daughter into bringing you "peace and joy", it's not her job.
4) "tell your mom..." No. No. NO. Do not send my daughter to tell me anything. She doesn't need the pressure by you to be our mediator. How dare she?!
So, that's where I'm at. I really don't want to break the silence of the CO, but I want to get it through to her that she doesn't have the right. She DOESNT HAVE THE FUCKING RIGHT to involve my very innocent daughter into our disconnected relationship or to be pressured to bring her "peace and joy" by decorating her tree or by any other means.
I'll try to post the card in the comments.
Please DWIL, how should I go about this?
So on to why I'm here. My YDD(15) received a card and letter from my CO MOO the other day. I intercepted it and held onto it for a day before deciding to let her read it. I know some of you may disagree with that, but I kind of want her to see the BSC. She knows my MOO is crazy, but feels bad for her at the same time and doesn't quite understand why I cut her off. YDDs SD is a raging alcoholic asshole and every phone call with him ends with her in tears. At her tender age she is trying to come to terms with how to deal with him. I keep telling her that she doesn't need to let him treat her like that and that that's why I CO my MOO; because I don't need the constant bullshit. So, that's how I try to relate the two.
Anyway, on to the letter.
Dearest (her nickname for YDD)
...And I do miss you so very much. All of you.
I'm writing to ask you a big favor.
Two years ago there was a big change in my mind set. It also meant a big change in the way I was going to do Christmas as well. I bought a new tree. Then I either threw away or gave away nearly all of my Christmas decorations including the ones for the tree, except for a few that were precious to me and bought all brand new ones. Shortly after (my bro (living/enmeshed with)) and I got the tree up I called you to ask if you'd decorate it for me, and you did. Just watching you was delightful.
For the next two-plus weeks I layed there on the couch with the house lights off, only the tree lights on, and I stared and stared at it. It was so beautiful and it filled me with peace and joy.
I am asking, (YDDs name), if you will be willing to do it again. You tell me when and I'll get everything ready and all the boxes upstairs.
It would mean so very much to me. Please consider it and call me -soon- with your answer and, if it's a yes, let me know when you'd want to.
Have a lovely thanksgiving today, and a happy and blessed Christmas if I don't get to see you.
Please tell your mom that I learned a lot of stuff last Jan. + Feb. when (bro) was in treatment an I was going to Al Anon. I miss her SO much.
Hope to hear from you soon.
All my love,
Grandma
Ok, so the things that bother me about this letter are...
1) I've heard plenty of her "mind set changes" and gd magical fucking mystery tours to sobriety and mental wellbeing, and they're bullshit and she doesn't need to feed it to YDD. I've eaten enough of it for the both of us.
2) Al Anon? Really MOO? Don't you have to accept responsibility for your lack of sobriety and mental health and how it affected other people before you can go there and get pity for how you've been sooo affected by someone else's alcoholism/drug use and mental health?? (Correct me if I'm wrong people, but this feels like such hipocracy.)
3) Don't pressure my daughter into bringing you "peace and joy", it's not her job.
4) "tell your mom..." No. No. NO. Do not send my daughter to tell me anything. She doesn't need the pressure by you to be our mediator. How dare she?!
So, that's where I'm at. I really don't want to break the silence of the CO, but I want to get it through to her that she doesn't have the right. She DOESNT HAVE THE FUCKING RIGHT to involve my very innocent daughter into our disconnected relationship or to be pressured to bring her "peace and joy" by decorating her tree or by any other means.
I'll try to post the card in the comments.
Please DWIL, how should I go about this?