Long time lurker, first time posting about MOO. You ladies have been a huge support system for me without even knowing it and I am extremely grateful so THANK YOU! the issue at hand is not IL related so I hope this is acceptable to post.
Quick background on me: I come from an extremely dysfunctional family but did not realize the extent of this until my 30's. Found DWIL after a few IL issues with my fiancé. Holy lightbulb moment! Years of counseling and several books from the sticky later...here I am. Stable, boundary laying, shiny-spined, and able to spot enmeshment and narc tendencies a mile away.
However, I would love your insight on one issue at hand - my Bro.
Background: my MOO has been cut off for about 4 years. I have successfully navigated/shut down FMs up until now. However, my older adult Bro (40s), lives with my mother. Just the two of them, divorced father is not involved. My Bro is somewhat lacking in social skills and although undiagnosed, shows signs of being on the spectrum. I share this as it plays into his ability to navigate family conflicts with the same skill set as most.
I discussed the CO with him in depth when it first happened. Made it clear it was between her and I. He was not responsible for orchestrating a "resolution". And we agreed not to focus on just our relationship. We have had successful one on one visits and she has only come up one or 2 times when I can tell he is overwhelmed in how to handle "flare ups" from her. I usually BH these topics. Bean dip to a mutual topic.
Today I received the following text:
Wished mom a happy mothers day... She said "not really" then broke down crying.![:(]( ":(")
Do I BH?
Do I respond and remind him of our previous convos? Suggestions on phrasing ? I want to remind him he is not responsible for navigation a reconciliation
Quick background on me: I come from an extremely dysfunctional family but did not realize the extent of this until my 30's. Found DWIL after a few IL issues with my fiancé. Holy lightbulb moment! Years of counseling and several books from the sticky later...here I am. Stable, boundary laying, shiny-spined, and able to spot enmeshment and narc tendencies a mile away.
However, I would love your insight on one issue at hand - my Bro.
Background: my MOO has been cut off for about 4 years. I have successfully navigated/shut down FMs up until now. However, my older adult Bro (40s), lives with my mother. Just the two of them, divorced father is not involved. My Bro is somewhat lacking in social skills and although undiagnosed, shows signs of being on the spectrum. I share this as it plays into his ability to navigate family conflicts with the same skill set as most.
I discussed the CO with him in depth when it first happened. Made it clear it was between her and I. He was not responsible for orchestrating a "resolution". And we agreed not to focus on just our relationship. We have had successful one on one visits and she has only come up one or 2 times when I can tell he is overwhelmed in how to handle "flare ups" from her. I usually BH these topics. Bean dip to a mutual topic.
Today I received the following text:
Wished mom a happy mothers day... She said "not really" then broke down crying.
Do I BH?
Do I respond and remind him of our previous convos? Suggestions on phrasing ? I want to remind him he is not responsible for navigation a reconciliation