I've had the worst three months of my life. DH and I separated on Christmas Day, after I found out about him being unfaithful. Believe it or not, thats not even my issue. He and I are in therapy trying desperately to work things out.
My issue is the way my mother and sisters treated me during the ordeal of moving out. I left DH within 5 days of finding out. Found new place on the 26th, signed the papers the 28th and was in my new place NYE. My mom and sisters and Sdad came to help. Sdad was wonderful. The others not so much.
I actually started having issues with MOO since last summer. I live in a different state, yet I would still go see her every other weekend. Neither one of my sisters spent anywhere near the same amount of time with ner.Taking her shopping or going to beauty events at Nordstrom (makeup is my catnip). She told me that I treated her like a second class citizen. On the day before Thanksgiving we got in to an argument because I was talking on the phone with OSIS about the two of us getting together later. MOO went to grab my shoulder. I swung my arm back to avoid her grip. She actually accused me of raising my hand to her. SOMETHING I WOULD NEVER DO.
On the day of the novie YSIS and MOO showed up 6 hours late, after my OSIS and I had already spent hours packing boxes. When they got there, the first thing out of their mouths was the place was a mess. Hello, moving?
When YSIS and SDAD went to get takeout, MOO proceeded to tell me that I embarassed her because my apartment was a mess. She didn't understand how I turned out this way because she raised me better.
I made them all leave at that point. As much help that I needed that night I didn't have the emotional capacity to deal with her. I ended up calling DH (who was staying with his best friend) to come over and help me finish.
The next day was moving day. Initially I told my mother she could not come, but then SDAD and YSIS convinced me otherwise. MOO got there and told me that I had psychological issues, I must be a hoarder (!!!). SDAD tried to shut her up, but she kept on. I figured she just needed to get out so we went to go get dishes and other necessities. She lit into me again, telling me that I embarrased her, that she was disappointed in me, that she didn't want to see me again after we finished the move.
That was NYE. I made them leave again. I called later that night just to wish them all a happy new year and YSIS told me that the family talked about it on the ride home and they were going to stage an intervention about my hoarding. I was aghast. I talked to SDAD and he said that he had no intention of getting in to any intervention. That was all MOO and both sisters. He said he understood the circumstances (hello, moving).
Turns out YSIS was convinced that I was a messy hoarder because there was a pair of socks in the corner of my bedroom that looked like they had been there for awhile. She was convinced that this was a sign that I had given up on my marriage a long time ago and DH cheated because he felt like I didn't care. YSIS told me all of this in February, two months after the move.
OSIS was convinced I'm a hoarder because I have a lot of books and magazines. I ended up packing 8 large boxes of books and one box of magazines. She also told me this a few weeks after the move.
And here I am still defending myself.
I suspected my mother had some issues.She is extremely toxic, has pitted my sisters and I against each other my entire life, makes fun of my autistic niece among other things. Recently my entire family (including SDAD who had no idea) found out that she lied for 40 years about who my older sister's father was. The only reason we found out is because my father died and when the state distributed his assets (no will) my sister's name was not on the list.
I wasn't close to ODSIS for many years because of the machinations of MOO. YDSIS and I only recently (past 5 years or so) started to get close. Again because my mother raised us as completely separate entities in the same house. For many years I was the scapegoat. My mother basically ignored me from my mid teens until my late twenties when I started grad school (I'm 42). Then I became the golden child. Especially after I got married in a very fairy tale way. ODSIS was the scapegoat that my mother went out of her way to be cruel to, and YDSIS was the golden child. Those roles have stayed the same.
I was planning on maintaining the relationship with SDAD, but that pisses MOO off so I can totally see our relationship changing because it upsets her.
So I come here because despite everything I still love my mother and sisters, I just know that I can't have them in my life if they can treat me the way they did. I've spent the last few days in tears because I know I have to protect my heart. But I've also had moments where I felt extreme relief. If you've CO family members, how did you bounce back?