Our situation is somewhat unique, and my screen name has identifiying info, so I'm going anonymous for this one! Sorry in advance--this is going to be long.
DH co his sister (his only sibling) forever ago for a variety of reasons. She's selfish, dramatic, and has always been incredibly mean to DH. His parents were really bummed, but in general they were/are understanding of his decision, and acknowledge that his reasons are valid. We actually have a really good relationship with them, because we've been so proactive about setting boundaries from the start (due in large part to lurking on this board--thanks ladies!).
This arrangement has worked out really well for us until recently. We're due any day with our first, which happens to be the first grandchild on both sides. Apparently word got to SIL, who is now turning into a psycho. MIL was talking to me recently, and started telling me how excited SIL is to be an aunt. I was caught super off guard, because we never discuss SIL. MIL said that SIL has been having dreams about the baby, and is keeping a daily journal with her 'hopes and dreams' for baby. Apparently she plans to hold on to this journal until baby is an adult, because she's nervous she'll never get to meet him/her, and she wants baby to know how much she loves him/her. That in and of itself makes me suuuuper uncomfortable, but what sets me over the edge is that apparently SIL is throwing a baby shower for baby, and didn't feel the need to inform/invite me. I am irate. If I didn't know SIL, I would be seriously concerned that she was planning to cut this baby out of me and take it as her own, craigslist-killer style.
The thing is, I know it's not about the baby. SIL has always been VERY adamant that she doesn't want children because she's too selfish to deal with kids (her words, though I'd tend to agree with her assesment). In the past she's been really competitive with DH around my PIL, and my MIL has confided in me that SIL desparetly wants to be the 'favorite' and feels outshined by DH. She can't handle not being the center of attention, so I think that's what this is about, as well as making everyone feel sorry for her. She's apparently been telling MIL how sad she is that she won't get to be an aunt, even though she's been dreaming of being an aunt her entire life, etc etc. She asked MIL to call her as soon as we go into labor, and to update her as soon as she gets info/pics.
DH and I both agree that SIL's behavior beyond crosses the line, but we aren't sure what to do about it. We're definitely going to have a conversation with MIL, and tell her that the information we share with her is private, and we expect her to not pass it on to SIL. I think she'll respect it, but if she doesn't we'll just stop the info train. We're not sure whether or not DH should confront his sister, though. I'm wondering what you ladies think. The babyshower needs to die, for sure. And I want SIL to know that under NO circumstances will she give my child her weird journal without my permission, and furthermore, what she's doing is creepy and weird and it needs to stop.
DH thinks that we've cut her off already, and so communicating with her at all is counter productive. He thinks that no one is going to participate in her weird baby shower anyway, and that her actions don't actually affect us. He's nervous that it's going to create a massive family-wide drama, which is completely unnecessary because at the end of the day we can't control SIL's actions, all we can do is chose to remove her from our lives. Which we've already done. He says it's enough to tell MIL that we're uncomfortable, that we do not want her to throw a baby shower, and that MIL is not to share info with SIL. I'm torn. I kind of agree with him, but I am SO MAD about the baby shower, and I feel like it's important to say something to SIL. I'm nervous MIL is going to dilute the message, and that this weird wannnabe-surrogate-mom stuff is just going to escalate. For what it's worth, I don't think there's any scenario in which SIL would back down on the baby shower, but I still feel like it's important for us to tell her how inappropriate it is.
I'm hugely pregnant, past my due date, and I'm feeling all over the place emotionally, so I thought I'd see what you guys think. Is it worth confronting SIL, or should we leave it alone?