I've posted here about IL and DH issues here before, but now I have a question regarding a family member on my side of the family.
I've never really had a super close relationship with this particular person, and since my pregnancy, he has been doing things that really bother me. However, I'm not sure if I'm letting things that shouldn't bother me get to me or if I'm justified for being upset.
Even before I had a baby bump (and especially after I did,) he would put his hand on my stomach and "talk" to LO. I tried backing off, but he just got mad so I eventually stopped backing off so he wouldn't get mad. I cringed so much inwardly, though.
Now that LO is here, I absolutely cannot stand seeing him hold her. For some reason, I get that same strong inwardly-cringing feeling. He always makes a huge deal about kissing her on the head, and it drives me absolutely crazy.
He has also joked a few times about LO wanting to take a nap with him. (She's still an infant, so obviously she can't talk yet.) Even though he was "joking," it seemed like he was testing me to see if I would say yes, so I always shut that down really quickly.
Anytime I mention LO or send a picture in a group text, he puts stupid kissy face emoticons, and that drives me crazy, too, for some reason. He also refers to her as "our" or "his" baby girl even though I've hinted that that bothers me.
Several times while I was with him he has gotten mad at me for trying to talk to him because I "interrupted" LO (who is still an infant and, at most, only coos and babbles.)
Over the years, I've absolutely hated getting hugs from him or when he kisses me on the head during a hug, but the times I tried backing away, he made a big deal about it and got mad so I stopped backing away even though inwardly I want to scream and literally push him away.
I have never been sexually abused, so I have no idea why it bothers me so much. I just know that I hate when he touches me, and because of that, I hate it when he touches my daughter. I just don't know how to deal with the anger he shows when I try to set boundaries, though. I know that when LO is old enough to comprehend it, I am going to have the rule that if she doesn't want to be touched, she has the right to say no, no matter who it is. (Including me) I just don't know why I'm having such a hard time feeling like I'm allowed to have the same rule apply to myself.
Part of me thinks I'm justified in feeling the way I do, but since I don't have a specific reason for it, it makes me feel like it's a "me" problem that I just need to deal with and work out. Any suggestions to help me sort this out?
I've never really had a super close relationship with this particular person, and since my pregnancy, he has been doing things that really bother me. However, I'm not sure if I'm letting things that shouldn't bother me get to me or if I'm justified for being upset.
Even before I had a baby bump (and especially after I did,) he would put his hand on my stomach and "talk" to LO. I tried backing off, but he just got mad so I eventually stopped backing off so he wouldn't get mad. I cringed so much inwardly, though.
Now that LO is here, I absolutely cannot stand seeing him hold her. For some reason, I get that same strong inwardly-cringing feeling. He always makes a huge deal about kissing her on the head, and it drives me absolutely crazy.
He has also joked a few times about LO wanting to take a nap with him. (She's still an infant, so obviously she can't talk yet.) Even though he was "joking," it seemed like he was testing me to see if I would say yes, so I always shut that down really quickly.
Anytime I mention LO or send a picture in a group text, he puts stupid kissy face emoticons, and that drives me crazy, too, for some reason. He also refers to her as "our" or "his" baby girl even though I've hinted that that bothers me.
Several times while I was with him he has gotten mad at me for trying to talk to him because I "interrupted" LO (who is still an infant and, at most, only coos and babbles.)
Over the years, I've absolutely hated getting hugs from him or when he kisses me on the head during a hug, but the times I tried backing away, he made a big deal about it and got mad so I stopped backing away even though inwardly I want to scream and literally push him away.
I have never been sexually abused, so I have no idea why it bothers me so much. I just know that I hate when he touches me, and because of that, I hate it when he touches my daughter. I just don't know how to deal with the anger he shows when I try to set boundaries, though. I know that when LO is old enough to comprehend it, I am going to have the rule that if she doesn't want to be touched, she has the right to say no, no matter who it is. (Including me) I just don't know why I'm having such a hard time feeling like I'm allowed to have the same rule apply to myself.
Part of me thinks I'm justified in feeling the way I do, but since I don't have a specific reason for it, it makes me feel like it's a "me" problem that I just need to deal with and work out. Any suggestions to help me sort this out?
