Hello ladies! This whole mess is my fault, but I really need your help.
My MIL and I are not friends. She tries to be nice to me but sometimes would feel the need to give me an idea of what she really thinks about me. Before DWIL I just accepted her "apologies" and moved on every time.
Two years ago while I was taking her grocery shopping my MIL yelled at me in the car and said a lot of horrible things about me. I don't take yelling well and she knows it. I kept asking her to please stop yelling. After she was done yelling, she pointed that my hands were shaking and she smiled (!). She stopped smiling when she realized that we were not going to the store anymore and I was taking her back home.
My DH was a DuH. He was asking me a lot of questions of what exactly she said and I felt like he was trying to minimize my feelings to excuse her behavior. It was like he was trying to make it my problem, like I was overreacting. He said she didn't mean it. For me, all I could see was her smile, not even her yelling, offensive words, just that smile. I told him that you have to be really evil to smile in this situation. He brushed it off. He even dared to say that he "hated to be in the middle" (he soon admitted it was wrong, but "aftertaste" is still there for me). He later apologized for his reaction and realized that he had made the situation worse. Anyway, I put her on a >1 year TO.
Few months ago, after lots of "apologies" from her (some of them unsurprisingly included "it was not so bad" and "we are family") and promises that she will never ever do it again, I went on LC with her (big mistake). However, every time I see her (maybe once in 2-3 months) I feel ill. She is super nice, but I know what she thinks about me and every smile of hers makes me want to puke. The worst part, every time I see her I get very angry at my DH yet again. Like her face is a reminder of his failure to protect me, reminder of his betrayal (strong word, but that's how I felt about him. overreaction much?).
So, my problem is 4th of July is coming. We always have family BBQ and do lots of fireworks on our backyard. It's a big deal. I have not seen my MIL in more than 3 months. My DH will ask for her to come. I know. He is just looking for words and courage (I know him for 20+ years, married 15, so my senses on that hardly ever wrong). Now, since I took her off TO (stupid, stupid, stupid!!!) DH will ask me that she comes expecting me to agree. I have an anxiety even thinking about it. BTW, she has not been in my house since her blow up 2 years ago. So, I don't know what to tell him. I see how unreasonable I would sound saying no, not consistent, confusing for everybody, etc., since she's LC, not TO anymore. Put her back on TO with no fresh reason, just because I decided that I'm not ready? Would I look crazy? How can I explain it to him?
Oh, and DH was really relieved when I (mistakenly) put her on LC.
I know, it's all my fault. But please help me.
My MIL and I are not friends. She tries to be nice to me but sometimes would feel the need to give me an idea of what she really thinks about me. Before DWIL I just accepted her "apologies" and moved on every time.
Two years ago while I was taking her grocery shopping my MIL yelled at me in the car and said a lot of horrible things about me. I don't take yelling well and she knows it. I kept asking her to please stop yelling. After she was done yelling, she pointed that my hands were shaking and she smiled (!). She stopped smiling when she realized that we were not going to the store anymore and I was taking her back home.
My DH was a DuH. He was asking me a lot of questions of what exactly she said and I felt like he was trying to minimize my feelings to excuse her behavior. It was like he was trying to make it my problem, like I was overreacting. He said she didn't mean it. For me, all I could see was her smile, not even her yelling, offensive words, just that smile. I told him that you have to be really evil to smile in this situation. He brushed it off. He even dared to say that he "hated to be in the middle" (he soon admitted it was wrong, but "aftertaste" is still there for me). He later apologized for his reaction and realized that he had made the situation worse. Anyway, I put her on a >1 year TO.
Few months ago, after lots of "apologies" from her (some of them unsurprisingly included "it was not so bad" and "we are family") and promises that she will never ever do it again, I went on LC with her (big mistake). However, every time I see her (maybe once in 2-3 months) I feel ill. She is super nice, but I know what she thinks about me and every smile of hers makes me want to puke. The worst part, every time I see her I get very angry at my DH yet again. Like her face is a reminder of his failure to protect me, reminder of his betrayal (strong word, but that's how I felt about him. overreaction much?).
So, my problem is 4th of July is coming. We always have family BBQ and do lots of fireworks on our backyard. It's a big deal. I have not seen my MIL in more than 3 months. My DH will ask for her to come. I know. He is just looking for words and courage (I know him for 20+ years, married 15, so my senses on that hardly ever wrong). Now, since I took her off TO (stupid, stupid, stupid!!!) DH will ask me that she comes expecting me to agree. I have an anxiety even thinking about it. BTW, she has not been in my house since her blow up 2 years ago. So, I don't know what to tell him. I see how unreasonable I would sound saying no, not consistent, confusing for everybody, etc., since she's LC, not TO anymore. Put her back on TO with no fresh reason, just because I decided that I'm not ready? Would I look crazy? How can I explain it to him?
Oh, and DH was really relieved when I (mistakenly) put her on LC.
I know, it's all my fault. But please help me.