Hello wise ladies,
A few nights ago my husband took his dad to a local winery for a special wine tasting event. I’d bought them both tickets as I know they both love wine and they hadn’t had any father/son bonding time for a while.
After the wine tasting they came back to our home and I was taking a nap (not normal behaviour, but I’d been on call the night before so didn’t sleep well at all!) I woke up to the sound of voices and thought nothing of it; rolled over and tried to go to sleep. However, I could hear my name being said over and over again so quickly woke up. I could hear my father in law bitching to my husband about me ‘you chose her and we’ve tried to make it work’ ‘youve forgotten about your family’ ‘she’s changed you’ ‘she’s no good for you’ I also heard my hubby defending me and asking his dad why his entire family ignored our wedding. Why there was no joy in their faces in any of our wedding photos, why they found it so hard to enquire about our lives. I could hear the tears in my husbands voice (and he is a 6ft4 strapping football player who rarely shows emotion).
His dad wouldnt give him an answer just kept saying that Id changed him, I’d stolen him, I’d destroyed their family. Hubby ended the conversation at this point and asked FiL to go to bed to sleep off the wine.
Im so sad and angry. How dare he come to my home and talk about me like that. None of the things he said were true. I am the one that (despite my own feelings) encourages OH to spend time with his family. Since our wedding, I have noticed OH pull away from the family fold a little. I though it was because we were newleyweds and making the most of our weekend quality time (as we have hectic work schedules so are often not in the same country during the week) but it seems it’s much deeper than that and OH has some real issues about the way our wedding was handled.
FiL had disappeared by time we got up the next morning. I'm a very light sleeper so he must have snuck out very very quietly and very very early. It's probably a blessing that I didn't see him as it was all still too raw.
I'm sure he went straight back to tell mil what had happened as we received a message essentially summoning us to lunch today with the whole family. Hubby thinks that perhaps we should go as to not let it fester, I in the other hand am absolutely not ready to put my self back into such a hostile environment. I should add that I am a shadow of myself when I'm around them. Iv been so heavily judged over the past few years, I shrink inside myself whenever I'm around the whole family. I'm a pretty successful 30 year old women with a doctorate, a 6 figure salary and a job saving people's lives, yet every time I'm around Hubbys family I feel totally worthless and irrelevant.
Family has always been so importan to my husband, but it feels like they've pushed him too far this time. How do we fix this? How do I stop feeling so sad and resentful?
A few nights ago my husband took his dad to a local winery for a special wine tasting event. I’d bought them both tickets as I know they both love wine and they hadn’t had any father/son bonding time for a while.
After the wine tasting they came back to our home and I was taking a nap (not normal behaviour, but I’d been on call the night before so didn’t sleep well at all!) I woke up to the sound of voices and thought nothing of it; rolled over and tried to go to sleep. However, I could hear my name being said over and over again so quickly woke up. I could hear my father in law bitching to my husband about me ‘you chose her and we’ve tried to make it work’ ‘youve forgotten about your family’ ‘she’s changed you’ ‘she’s no good for you’ I also heard my hubby defending me and asking his dad why his entire family ignored our wedding. Why there was no joy in their faces in any of our wedding photos, why they found it so hard to enquire about our lives. I could hear the tears in my husbands voice (and he is a 6ft4 strapping football player who rarely shows emotion).
His dad wouldnt give him an answer just kept saying that Id changed him, I’d stolen him, I’d destroyed their family. Hubby ended the conversation at this point and asked FiL to go to bed to sleep off the wine.
Im so sad and angry. How dare he come to my home and talk about me like that. None of the things he said were true. I am the one that (despite my own feelings) encourages OH to spend time with his family. Since our wedding, I have noticed OH pull away from the family fold a little. I though it was because we were newleyweds and making the most of our weekend quality time (as we have hectic work schedules so are often not in the same country during the week) but it seems it’s much deeper than that and OH has some real issues about the way our wedding was handled.
FiL had disappeared by time we got up the next morning. I'm a very light sleeper so he must have snuck out very very quietly and very very early. It's probably a blessing that I didn't see him as it was all still too raw.
I'm sure he went straight back to tell mil what had happened as we received a message essentially summoning us to lunch today with the whole family. Hubby thinks that perhaps we should go as to not let it fester, I in the other hand am absolutely not ready to put my self back into such a hostile environment. I should add that I am a shadow of myself when I'm around them. Iv been so heavily judged over the past few years, I shrink inside myself whenever I'm around the whole family. I'm a pretty successful 30 year old women with a doctorate, a 6 figure salary and a job saving people's lives, yet every time I'm around Hubbys family I feel totally worthless and irrelevant.
Family has always been so importan to my husband, but it feels like they've pushed him too far this time. How do we fix this? How do I stop feeling so sad and resentful?