Hello from the U.K! A mama from BabycentreUK coming over here to get better in depth advice as it's always been said your group gives great advice.
A little about me: been married for 12 years to an American. Our children are 10 and 8. We've been TTC and hope to conceive baby number three this year.
My husband relocated from the U.S to the U.K to be with me. Leaving his family was hard but he was the one who wanted to relocate. I was open to relocating as well, but he was adamant on moving more. We divided time to visit his family in the U.S on certain thanksgivings and christmas times. If we were able to, a summer was added. Knowing how costly traveling can be, we expected that when we didn't go there, his family would at least travel for a visit. He didn't feel we should always visit the U.S all the time. His parents were ok and liked coming to visit us. We live an area of the U.K that is a few hours out from London, so the only way to us, is by a connecting flight, or a direct flight to an airport near us, or take the train from London. His parents had no problems with these challenges as they called them.
Last year when they visited, we were faced with a challenge which was ignorant to me. It was the summer time. They let us know that they had planned to spend two months here at us. They were going to divide their time by spending a few days in London, then go over to Paris as well for a few days, then back to us. The problem was that they wanted to take my children with them for the time spent in London and Paris. My husband was ok with London but not Paris. I wasn't ok with either of the two. I simply said no and if they wished to take them, either me or their father was going to accompany them. This led to my mother in law venting her feelings to me. She felt they should be allow to spend their money how they wished, and a summer trip of London and Paris for the kids with two sixty something year old people was no harm because they raised five kids and have experience with their other grandchildren. I understood what she meant, but I was more concerned for my children's safety first. To make peace, my father in law stepped in and said they'll respect my choice and go ahead with the trip on their own.
This year, we got a call from them in January stating they were going to be visitng us for two weeks in May. We were ok with it because we had no plans to travel. In that call, my mother in law asked again about having a trip with my children. This time, she asked whether they could get the children for the entire summer. She wanted they travel back to the U.S with them for the summer to spend time with them and meet their cousins who they haven't seen in ages. I said no. She asked why. I told her I didn't want my children traveling as unaccompanied minors. She got on rude insinuating I had a problem with her, and didn't trust her. She said we had to know such issues would arise when my husband decided to relocate. In her anger, she said that they don't travel over eight hours for nothing, and do it to see their son and grandchildren. If there were no grandchildren, they wouldn't visit as often as they do. To be blunt, I told her my door is always open to family, but I expect that when it came to me being a parent, my authority is respected and not judged.
When they came for their visit, they were mannerly and did their own things. Over dinner she asked the youngest if he missed the U.S, he said yes. He said he missed seeing his cousins and going on roller coasters. To make him happy, she got on skype after dinner and called some of the cousins. My sister in law was excited for the Skype chat and asked if we were going to vist them this year. My husband said maybe christmas because travel was expensive. Their mom butted in telling her how she was suggesting we let the kids travel home with them for the summer, but that I got on mad. Instead of being on my side, my sister in law suggested that if it was a financial issue we let my in laws pay for the tickets and let the children visit so to give me and her brother alone time for a while. The conversation went downhill.
In the end, my in laws left. Based on what my husband said about finances, his mom insisted on wanting to send money for tickets so that we could be there for thanksgiving this year. My husband said she didn't have to do it and we were ok with just christmas trip. She didn't like it. Her reaction has been showing through action. Every single night she calls my children on Skype to chat with them. We limit their time on their devices, and when time is up, she thinks we or mainly me are doing it to block her from enjoying quality time with her grandchildren. She said the time difference was hard, and little chat with them is better than going without for months. The last Skype she had she told my eldest that they may get to visit Spain with them next year hopefully. I mentioned in the background Nope. To make a consensus, she said I could go so it be a girls trip to Spain along with the children. I told her I'll think about it because at the time I was frustrated with her many attempts of wanting to go on trips with my children all the time.
I'm fed up in a sense because it means taking a step back from his family and no visits to the U.S or let them visit us here in the U.K. However, it seems petty because we want our kids to have happiness in knowing their family who lives afar, but not at the expense of making others happy before them.
Am I being unreasonable somehow?
A little about me: been married for 12 years to an American. Our children are 10 and 8. We've been TTC and hope to conceive baby number three this year.
My husband relocated from the U.S to the U.K to be with me. Leaving his family was hard but he was the one who wanted to relocate. I was open to relocating as well, but he was adamant on moving more. We divided time to visit his family in the U.S on certain thanksgivings and christmas times. If we were able to, a summer was added. Knowing how costly traveling can be, we expected that when we didn't go there, his family would at least travel for a visit. He didn't feel we should always visit the U.S all the time. His parents were ok and liked coming to visit us. We live an area of the U.K that is a few hours out from London, so the only way to us, is by a connecting flight, or a direct flight to an airport near us, or take the train from London. His parents had no problems with these challenges as they called them.
Last year when they visited, we were faced with a challenge which was ignorant to me. It was the summer time. They let us know that they had planned to spend two months here at us. They were going to divide their time by spending a few days in London, then go over to Paris as well for a few days, then back to us. The problem was that they wanted to take my children with them for the time spent in London and Paris. My husband was ok with London but not Paris. I wasn't ok with either of the two. I simply said no and if they wished to take them, either me or their father was going to accompany them. This led to my mother in law venting her feelings to me. She felt they should be allow to spend their money how they wished, and a summer trip of London and Paris for the kids with two sixty something year old people was no harm because they raised five kids and have experience with their other grandchildren. I understood what she meant, but I was more concerned for my children's safety first. To make peace, my father in law stepped in and said they'll respect my choice and go ahead with the trip on their own.
This year, we got a call from them in January stating they were going to be visitng us for two weeks in May. We were ok with it because we had no plans to travel. In that call, my mother in law asked again about having a trip with my children. This time, she asked whether they could get the children for the entire summer. She wanted they travel back to the U.S with them for the summer to spend time with them and meet their cousins who they haven't seen in ages. I said no. She asked why. I told her I didn't want my children traveling as unaccompanied minors. She got on rude insinuating I had a problem with her, and didn't trust her. She said we had to know such issues would arise when my husband decided to relocate. In her anger, she said that they don't travel over eight hours for nothing, and do it to see their son and grandchildren. If there were no grandchildren, they wouldn't visit as often as they do. To be blunt, I told her my door is always open to family, but I expect that when it came to me being a parent, my authority is respected and not judged.
When they came for their visit, they were mannerly and did their own things. Over dinner she asked the youngest if he missed the U.S, he said yes. He said he missed seeing his cousins and going on roller coasters. To make him happy, she got on skype after dinner and called some of the cousins. My sister in law was excited for the Skype chat and asked if we were going to vist them this year. My husband said maybe christmas because travel was expensive. Their mom butted in telling her how she was suggesting we let the kids travel home with them for the summer, but that I got on mad. Instead of being on my side, my sister in law suggested that if it was a financial issue we let my in laws pay for the tickets and let the children visit so to give me and her brother alone time for a while. The conversation went downhill.
In the end, my in laws left. Based on what my husband said about finances, his mom insisted on wanting to send money for tickets so that we could be there for thanksgiving this year. My husband said she didn't have to do it and we were ok with just christmas trip. She didn't like it. Her reaction has been showing through action. Every single night she calls my children on Skype to chat with them. We limit their time on their devices, and when time is up, she thinks we or mainly me are doing it to block her from enjoying quality time with her grandchildren. She said the time difference was hard, and little chat with them is better than going without for months. The last Skype she had she told my eldest that they may get to visit Spain with them next year hopefully. I mentioned in the background Nope. To make a consensus, she said I could go so it be a girls trip to Spain along with the children. I told her I'll think about it because at the time I was frustrated with her many attempts of wanting to go on trips with my children all the time.
I'm fed up in a sense because it means taking a step back from his family and no visits to the U.S or let them visit us here in the U.K. However, it seems petty because we want our kids to have happiness in knowing their family who lives afar, but not at the expense of making others happy before them.
Am I being unreasonable somehow?