BG: http://community.babycenter.com/post/a63412636/to-letter-to-foo-is-this-ok?cpg=6
I am posting this separately because I need help right away, and I don't know how to change the title on my previous thread. (Linked)
ODS is going over to Bro/SIL's house to play today. We have a good relationship and they are very protective of my boys.
I have not discussed any of the issues with my dad, with either of them and I have no idea if they know he's ITO/CO. Bro works at the same company as my dad and they eat lunch together almost daily, plus my dad has no filter and loves attention, so I'd assume he's mentioned it. On the other hand, he's concerned with perception and last time we fought, Bro defended me... so he may not have told him, and instead is waiting/expecting me to jump back in line.
Problem: in the past - prior to the CO - my dad has visited Bro's house or met them for lunch, while ODS is visiting. Dad's DF works Saturdays, leaving him free to potentially cause trouble (I HIGHLY doubt he'd make a scene in front of her).
Because he's particularly protective of ODS, I don't see him intentionally allowing my dad around my son, if he knows theres an issue. HOWEVER if he doesn't, there's no reason why he wouldn't mention that ODS is going to be at their house, which could lead to dad "stopping by."
I had decided not to bring this up with Bro unless he asked, and in that case to only say that we don't want to put him in the middle and its not his job to mediate. I feel strongly about that.
Obviously it's most important to protect ODS. We have told him to call us if seeing my dad is mentioned or if he shows up, but they live 35 minutes away so we can't get there immediately. Do we say nothing and hope they just have a nice visit? Or do I bring it up, in order to let them know he's not allowed around my kid?
He's showed up probably 2/4 visits before now. He drove by the house a couple days ago and honked at us when we were outside, like things were normal, but otherwise I haven't heard from him in two weeks. And I don't know if he knows ODS will be there.
I am posting this separately because I need help right away, and I don't know how to change the title on my previous thread. (Linked)
ODS is going over to Bro/SIL's house to play today. We have a good relationship and they are very protective of my boys.
I have not discussed any of the issues with my dad, with either of them and I have no idea if they know he's ITO/CO. Bro works at the same company as my dad and they eat lunch together almost daily, plus my dad has no filter and loves attention, so I'd assume he's mentioned it. On the other hand, he's concerned with perception and last time we fought, Bro defended me... so he may not have told him, and instead is waiting/expecting me to jump back in line.
Problem: in the past - prior to the CO - my dad has visited Bro's house or met them for lunch, while ODS is visiting. Dad's DF works Saturdays, leaving him free to potentially cause trouble (I HIGHLY doubt he'd make a scene in front of her).
Because he's particularly protective of ODS, I don't see him intentionally allowing my dad around my son, if he knows theres an issue. HOWEVER if he doesn't, there's no reason why he wouldn't mention that ODS is going to be at their house, which could lead to dad "stopping by."
I had decided not to bring this up with Bro unless he asked, and in that case to only say that we don't want to put him in the middle and its not his job to mediate. I feel strongly about that.
Obviously it's most important to protect ODS. We have told him to call us if seeing my dad is mentioned or if he shows up, but they live 35 minutes away so we can't get there immediately. Do we say nothing and hope they just have a nice visit? Or do I bring it up, in order to let them know he's not allowed around my kid?
He's showed up probably 2/4 visits before now. He drove by the house a couple days ago and honked at us when we were outside, like things were normal, but otherwise I haven't heard from him in two weeks. And I don't know if he knows ODS will be there.