My MIL confronted me and I need advice on how to tell my SO. On Saturday we went to a party for SO uncle. SO and FIL were off playing a game, I was sitting with MIL and my lo. Lo is 8 months. After about maybe 5 minutes MIL confronts me.
MIL: why can't I watch lo?
Me: I was thinking in a few weeks you could
MIL: Well your mom has
Me: I'm more comfortable with my mom
MIL: Why?!
Me: Because I am. She only had once or twice
MIL: well I never have
Me: She's not going to spoil or expire
MIL: I don't even feel like a grandma, it makes me sad
Boo hoo. I just started ignoring her after that and continued playing with my lo. I'm not falling for that manipulative guilt trip bs. And I know I jaded.. shouldn't have was just not expecting that. So then I sat there pissed for next few hours. When we left my SO asked what he did wrong bc we had a talk about him backing me up when MIL says things, I said nothing but your mom did and I don't want to talk about right now. She did make comments how its been a month again since she saw lo, like she always does and SO did say I think that's good enough. Then she goes on the debil the next day and posts some memes about keeping her mouth shut when she shouldn't, then some creepy grandma meme. I see it as childish and trying to start drama.
So some BG. I do not like MIL. Since lo was born she has been hounding me to babysit. She has physical issues that I don't think she is fit to watch her. Back going out, can't lift arm and also I'm pretty sure she's a narcissist. And she's always wanted a girl, and I feel she just wants to play mommy. Basically I'm just not comfortable with her watching her.
When lo was 4 mo she says FIL says face it you'll never get to watch lo haha. To me it's passive aggressive and to me shows she must have asked so many times by that point already.
She posts on the debil a lot, and has put on there how she was outside gardening and fell off stool and couldn't get up for 20 mins and needed help, how she was hallucinating another time just for some examples.
SO says she's over exaggerating when she says that stuff and thinks she's fine to watch lo. Even if that is the case that's a problem as well as she does that with everything. So with that being said SO wants his mom to watch lo and I know he's told her my mom watched lo and that I don't want her to. Basically threw me under bus. He once told me not letting his mom babysit was being disrespectful to her. And I know she nags at him to let her babysit.
We recently had a talk about MIL, how I resent her for not necessarily ruining my dd birth but causing drama, making it all about her. How I think she wants to play mommy and he needs to stand up for me and that we are his nuclear family now.
Also SO wants MIL to be daycare when I go back to work. Over my dead body will that happen. I been looking at daycare's and he's been getting mad. I can tell but he won't say. However he did say that daycare isn't very "cost effective" and he's not paying for daycare. He said we could pay MIL and be cheaper. I am absolutely not doing that.
So I need to know how to address the confrontation with him about MIL, what should be done if anything and how to make him see family for daycare is not happening.
MIL: why can't I watch lo?
Me: I was thinking in a few weeks you could
MIL: Well your mom has
Me: I'm more comfortable with my mom
MIL: Why?!
Me: Because I am. She only had once or twice
MIL: well I never have
Me: She's not going to spoil or expire
MIL: I don't even feel like a grandma, it makes me sad
Boo hoo. I just started ignoring her after that and continued playing with my lo. I'm not falling for that manipulative guilt trip bs. And I know I jaded.. shouldn't have was just not expecting that. So then I sat there pissed for next few hours. When we left my SO asked what he did wrong bc we had a talk about him backing me up when MIL says things, I said nothing but your mom did and I don't want to talk about right now. She did make comments how its been a month again since she saw lo, like she always does and SO did say I think that's good enough. Then she goes on the debil the next day and posts some memes about keeping her mouth shut when she shouldn't, then some creepy grandma meme. I see it as childish and trying to start drama.
So some BG. I do not like MIL. Since lo was born she has been hounding me to babysit. She has physical issues that I don't think she is fit to watch her. Back going out, can't lift arm and also I'm pretty sure she's a narcissist. And she's always wanted a girl, and I feel she just wants to play mommy. Basically I'm just not comfortable with her watching her.
When lo was 4 mo she says FIL says face it you'll never get to watch lo haha. To me it's passive aggressive and to me shows she must have asked so many times by that point already.
She posts on the debil a lot, and has put on there how she was outside gardening and fell off stool and couldn't get up for 20 mins and needed help, how she was hallucinating another time just for some examples.
SO says she's over exaggerating when she says that stuff and thinks she's fine to watch lo. Even if that is the case that's a problem as well as she does that with everything. So with that being said SO wants his mom to watch lo and I know he's told her my mom watched lo and that I don't want her to. Basically threw me under bus. He once told me not letting his mom babysit was being disrespectful to her. And I know she nags at him to let her babysit.
We recently had a talk about MIL, how I resent her for not necessarily ruining my dd birth but causing drama, making it all about her. How I think she wants to play mommy and he needs to stand up for me and that we are his nuclear family now.
Also SO wants MIL to be daycare when I go back to work. Over my dead body will that happen. I been looking at daycare's and he's been getting mad. I can tell but he won't say. However he did say that daycare isn't very "cost effective" and he's not paying for daycare. He said we could pay MIL and be cheaper. I am absolutely not doing that.
So I need to know how to address the confrontation with him about MIL, what should be done if anything and how to make him see family for daycare is not happening.