I posted here a while ago without thoroughly going through the sticky, and I wasn't ready for what people had to say. I've been lurking ever since, and boy have I learned a LOT!
Lots of bg here...and it's a little long.
Basically MIL is my BEC, she and FIL are very narcissistic and manipulative. MIL is all about control and babying her widdle boy (DH), and FIL is all about the guilt and faaaaaamily, even though they have almost no relationship with any of their family. DH is an only child and his parents smothered him to pieces growing up, so he couldn't see their craziness.
DH used to be a DuH in terms of dealing with his parents and thought I was being too harsh, because I am a very tough cookie. We've had issues before that ended in serious discussions that established boundaries, except they were never respected. Each new "situation" cued many FMs, and we dismissed them all. Most people told me to be nice and pick my battles, that PIL are sad people and have nobody but us, and that we should try to accomodate them (gag). Thinking these people knew more than us, we listened. Obviously none of that helped.
We moved halfway across the country from PIL, and our new counselor has been so much more supportive of us. We each sought individual therapy, as well as couples'. We have both experienced and seen big changes in ourselves and each other.
FF to this most recent visit (they stay in our house, another no no), and they blatantly disregarded our wishes. We had agreed no screen time/media for our 4 year old unless we previously approved. After they left, our DS was singing songs that he learned from-you guessed it-videos that PIL showed him behind our backs. DH is FINALLY realizing how manipulative and malicious his parents are! *applause* *sigh*
I have a meeting with our counselor tomorrow to discuss what to do moving forward, and what consequences to put in place.
My question to you all, wise DWILers, is how do you implement a TO? How do you go from very high contact to ELC? What advice do you have for me regarding DH-meaning how do I support him and encourage him to be strong enough and follow through?
Here's what I want to put in place: long TO of visits, phone calls, texts, facetime; if/when we do lift the TO, ELC; no more staying at our house; no alone time with our kids.
Am I missing anything? What do you guys say?
Fire away! TIA!
Edited for typo