I've been a lurker and occassional poster for a year or more so I know how this board works. I am the future MIL in this situation and I need the cold,hard honest truth on how to handle this
My son and girlfriend have been together since they were 15 and are now 21 &22. Everything was really good with the relationship until I got pregnant with my daughter who was born in March 2015. They were 19&20. Ashley (gf ) made a lot of comments about the pregnancy staying it was stupid to start all over again. You are too old to be a mom of an infant. That type of BS. My husband and I ignored her. We picked out a name and she was very vocal about her distate of it. I spoke up at this and told her unless she was there when it was conceived then she needed shit the hell up. This was a direct quote. Everything was rug swept
When my daughter was born,she was born with type 1 diabetes This culminated with a long NICU stay with me staying at the RMDH. My husband was equally stressed because he was actively retiring from the AF and starting anew job. Although we had support from our scouting family,my oldest son stepped (in his own) up and really helped during this situation. He baby sat many times overnight so my husband could see our daughter and stay with me. Please keep in mind that our oldest still lived in our home. Also he drove them to extra curricular activities and helped with homework when needed. Even he asked to do this we paid him 2000 dollars. Which he tried to return. My first night home with my beautiful daughter, Ashley cornered me and told me and I quote "I was a stupid slut and should be ashamed of myself for making my oldest son parent his brother's while I was gone". I ignored her and rugswept.
Here we are a year later. Son and girlfriend graduated University,got jobs and decided to move in together. Yay I'm so excited for them. They are so happy and excited and it was great to see. For my son's graduation gift my dh and I bought him a 2016 Dodge Ram. She literally asked where was her new car and tried to tell my son since we didn't buy her a new car he shouldn't accept it. We kept our mouths closed and let them work it out. He kept the truck
Ashley got a job at my place of employment. She told my son and everyone else it was only part time (12 hours a week) until they could get more clients. This made absolutely no damn since to me but I kept my mouth shut. Three weeks ago on my day off I took my daughter into my place of employment so I could sign some paperwork. The HR manager was surprised to see me because evidently my daughter was suppossedly sick and in the hospital (with high sugar levels). Evidently Ashley called out and used that as an excuse. Come to find out Ashley told the job she couldn't work full time because she was my daughter's primary day care provider. She has never babysat my children in order for me to work. However, my son has invited his sibilings over on the weekends just to hang out with them. After hearing this news I was pissed. I don't think I have ever been this pissed. I called my son and told him I needed to talk to them together. I showed up at their home and told both of them that I didn't appreciate being lied to or having my children used as excuses to not work. My son asked me what was going on and I told them both that I don't give a damn about what they do in their homes or with their jobs. It's none of my damn business. But to keep my name and the names of my children out of their mouths while they do it. My son apologized while Ashley said "If I had kept my fat ass at home,she would still have a job" I told them both to handle their shit and left. A week and a half later I got an apology. I accepted it and once again it was rugswept
This Thursday I ran into Ashley at Wal-Mart in the cleaning supplies aisle and told her "Hey,what's up". She replied Fucking bitch leave me alone. At this point, I'm just done. I decided I will talk to my son and let him see his sibilings when he reaches out but only at my home . I will treat her as I would a stranger cool,distant but with respect. I was happy with this decision.
The very next day (Friday) my husband and I were out to lunch and my son called. He called to borrow a 150 dollars that he will be short for their electric bill. It is due on the 26 and he gets paid on the first. While I was talking to him I overheard Ashley tell him to ask to borrow the whole amount of the electric bill so they could go away for his birthday. My son told her he wasn't going to do that he just needed half until the first. I agreed to the 150. My husband is pissed as hell that I agreed to loaning of the 150 dollars since I'm subjected to her verbal abuse,manipulations and lies. He is hoping that by refusing to help my son will stop the abuse and to put his foot down about her not working.
My question should I help them out of this predicament and what can I do to improve the relationship with my DIl. At least get to where we can live in the same town and be respectful to each other. If something doesn't change soon I feel I will have to CO my son
My son and girlfriend have been together since they were 15 and are now 21 &22. Everything was really good with the relationship until I got pregnant with my daughter who was born in March 2015. They were 19&20. Ashley (gf ) made a lot of comments about the pregnancy staying it was stupid to start all over again. You are too old to be a mom of an infant. That type of BS. My husband and I ignored her. We picked out a name and she was very vocal about her distate of it. I spoke up at this and told her unless she was there when it was conceived then she needed shit the hell up. This was a direct quote. Everything was rug swept
When my daughter was born,she was born with type 1 diabetes This culminated with a long NICU stay with me staying at the RMDH. My husband was equally stressed because he was actively retiring from the AF and starting anew job. Although we had support from our scouting family,my oldest son stepped (in his own) up and really helped during this situation. He baby sat many times overnight so my husband could see our daughter and stay with me. Please keep in mind that our oldest still lived in our home. Also he drove them to extra curricular activities and helped with homework when needed. Even he asked to do this we paid him 2000 dollars. Which he tried to return. My first night home with my beautiful daughter, Ashley cornered me and told me and I quote "I was a stupid slut and should be ashamed of myself for making my oldest son parent his brother's while I was gone". I ignored her and rugswept.
Here we are a year later. Son and girlfriend graduated University,got jobs and decided to move in together. Yay I'm so excited for them. They are so happy and excited and it was great to see. For my son's graduation gift my dh and I bought him a 2016 Dodge Ram. She literally asked where was her new car and tried to tell my son since we didn't buy her a new car he shouldn't accept it. We kept our mouths closed and let them work it out. He kept the truck
Ashley got a job at my place of employment. She told my son and everyone else it was only part time (12 hours a week) until they could get more clients. This made absolutely no damn since to me but I kept my mouth shut. Three weeks ago on my day off I took my daughter into my place of employment so I could sign some paperwork. The HR manager was surprised to see me because evidently my daughter was suppossedly sick and in the hospital (with high sugar levels). Evidently Ashley called out and used that as an excuse. Come to find out Ashley told the job she couldn't work full time because she was my daughter's primary day care provider. She has never babysat my children in order for me to work. However, my son has invited his sibilings over on the weekends just to hang out with them. After hearing this news I was pissed. I don't think I have ever been this pissed. I called my son and told him I needed to talk to them together. I showed up at their home and told both of them that I didn't appreciate being lied to or having my children used as excuses to not work. My son asked me what was going on and I told them both that I don't give a damn about what they do in their homes or with their jobs. It's none of my damn business. But to keep my name and the names of my children out of their mouths while they do it. My son apologized while Ashley said "If I had kept my fat ass at home,she would still have a job" I told them both to handle their shit and left. A week and a half later I got an apology. I accepted it and once again it was rugswept
This Thursday I ran into Ashley at Wal-Mart in the cleaning supplies aisle and told her "Hey,what's up". She replied Fucking bitch leave me alone. At this point, I'm just done. I decided I will talk to my son and let him see his sibilings when he reaches out but only at my home . I will treat her as I would a stranger cool,distant but with respect. I was happy with this decision.
The very next day (Friday) my husband and I were out to lunch and my son called. He called to borrow a 150 dollars that he will be short for their electric bill. It is due on the 26 and he gets paid on the first. While I was talking to him I overheard Ashley tell him to ask to borrow the whole amount of the electric bill so they could go away for his birthday. My son told her he wasn't going to do that he just needed half until the first. I agreed to the 150. My husband is pissed as hell that I agreed to loaning of the 150 dollars since I'm subjected to her verbal abuse,manipulations and lies. He is hoping that by refusing to help my son will stop the abuse and to put his foot down about her not working.
My question should I help them out of this predicament and what can I do to improve the relationship with my DIl. At least get to where we can live in the same town and be respectful to each other. If something doesn't change soon I feel I will have to CO my son