I have posted once before about my FOO, I don't think it's relevant but it's here: http://community.babycenter.com/post/a62854684">
I'm posting today because I'm filled with rage and frustration over a recent interaction my DH had with his aunt & mom, and a fight (via messenger) I ended up in today with DH's cousin.
So I've been a huge DuW in the past and my DH has also recently begun dropping his U in regards to his family. My MIL has been in an ITO from us since last September (with a few lapses in judgement from DH) because of an incident which I will get into and then move on to my current issue. AIL has been mostly non-FM about this as she & MIL have had periods where they don't speak for months or longer, themselves. AIL has always favored DH, even more than her own 3 children, she openly calls him "her favorite" and they've always been closer than MIL & DH. Up until now I liked her OK and found her less backstabbing, gossipy, and boundary-stomping than MIL. AIL, MIL, & SFIL are all huge alcoholics.
Last year my MIL and SFIL lived with us. They lived in a little finished detached garage right outside our back door. By Sept I was already fed up with them being there and had had several arguments with DH about it. At the time I was 7 1/2mos pregnant also. The incident occurred on a Sunday and MIL and SFIL had invited BIL and Dne (9yo) over to watch the football game. Unbeknownst to me BIL had also invited his friend and his son over as well. My DH had to work all day.
When they first got there Dne, my DS (6yo) and the friend were playing video games in my house but then Dne wanted to put on one of his games he'd brought that he knows I don't allow my DS to play (Call of Duty). I told him, sorry, no, you know I don't let you play that game here. MIL was inside using the restroom and overheard and says "Don't worry baby you can play it later" Um, ok. I tell them why don't they go play outside. I'm in the kitchen making food for everyone to eat for the game and I see the boys run by looking suspicious so I go out to check on them. In the backyard I find a spray paint can that had been crushed in half with a brick and was spraying everywhere.
A little bg, Dne has absolutely no rules & is treated like an adult, or forced to be one, because BIL & SIL split up and BIL is a horrible alcoholic. Dne used to be over at my house pretty frequently and there was a prior incident where he got into my spray paint and sprayed my DS and the house, so I moved all my spray paint into a toolbox on the top top shelf in the other garage.
So I had a pretty strong feeling that Dne was the culprit here, he was the only kid big enough to reach up there and because of the history. I go looking for the kids and they're all hiding from me, I yell that they better come out and tell me what happened with the spraypaint can, as there was spraypaint tracked all over the patio, sidewalk, all over the house, grass, everywhere. I was fuming so went back inside to cool off. My DS came in and I asked him what happened with the paint, he didn't want to tell me at first but then says in a tiny voice that DNe had gotten it and threw the brick on it. So I go out to the back house and ask Dne, did you get into the spray paint and bust the can open? He flat out denies it and I ask gently if he's sure, because I don't understand how it could have gotten down from the top shelf by itself. Well he ends up bursting out crying and runs off, BIL goes after him and I hear him tell him, "You're not in trouble don't listen to OP". I went in there a while later to tell them food was ready and got met with complete silence. My DS says, Dne is being mean to me, he called me a snitch. I say, let's go then. I was soooo pissed, like shaking, I took DS and went to my best friend's house for a couple hours. When we got back, I walk into my house and it is a COMPLETE.DISASTER. Like food all over the floor in the kitchen, drinks spilled all over the countertops onto the floor, paper towels strewn everywhere, ALL of the soaps, bodywashes, shampoos everything in the bathroom were dumped out into the tub and there was mud all over everything. I go to the back and say, does anyone know what happened in the house? Why is it such a disaster? *Silence* Dne, do you know what happened? BIL *JUMPS* up and says "You know what b****, I've had enough of you talking to my son that way" MIL and FIL are sitting in the background acting like nothing is happening.
I don't even remember all that was said just that I should have never listened to him spew his drunken vile words on me. He even CHEST BUMPED ME at one point and was so close his spit was flying in my face. Saying how it wasn't my house because I was worthless and didn't work and everyone can tell that I hate his mom and I treat them so horrible they have to walk on eggshells, I lean past him and say "MIL, is that true because that's the first I've heard of it" BIL yells "B**** don't you start with MY mom!!!" MIL charges at me saying "You fucking little bitch!!" And starts bawling about how terrible I am.
This went on for over 20mins, I finally came to my senses and said DS doesn't need to hear this come on, and went inside to put my DS to bed. While putting DS to bed I hear banging on the back door, I put his movie and his fan on so he can't hear any drama and go see who's banging. It's my SIL who isn't even with my BIL at the time, calling me outside to "beat my ass" for "what I did to her son". Beat a almost-8mo pregnant lady with kids watching... Sure. OK my other huge mistake was not calling my husband immediately when this started happening. I was just thinking I didn't want to bother him at work. But then right when the crazy SIL was outside, he calls. He hears all the yelling and screaming and I give him a 10second summary, he immediately gets on the other line and calls the cops.
LONG story short the cops come, take BIL and SIL, I press charges on SIL. MIL is still yelling at me (with DH on the phone) about how horrible I am to make DNe see his parents taken in the cop car. But I just let MIL and FIL go back in their room and shut the door. The next day my DH goes in and tells them to get the fuck out and within a few days they're gone. DH agrees that BIL is dead to us and MIL is in ITO.
So MIL, FIL, BIL, Dne have all been CO/ITO to us since then. My DH finally sent MIL a message on FB because he didn't block her and she's been messaging him. I'll put screenshots of everything in the comments. I'm proud of his messages and how he stood up for us.
On to my current issue...
3 days ago, AIL (MIL's sister) and CIL (AIL daughter but also my DH's goddaughter) were calling my DH over and over and over. He hardly ever answers his phone and they know this. AIL texts him -
I dont care how pissed, mad, angry or upset with ur mom u are. She needs you right, right now. PLz. Cant say, just call her.
DH- What's going on?
DH- I'm not gonna call her unless you tell me what's going on
(She doesn't reply)
He calls CIL back and she tells him the same thing. DH gets all panicky, like literally shaking, that "maybe something is wrong, what if she has cancer, what if she's sick, blah blah" I say, couldn't they tell you if that was the case? Why play these games? It feels like a trap. But it's up to you if you want to call her.
He ends up calling her and I let him for a few minutes, but then when I feel like why is he possibly on the phone for this long I follow after him. He's just holding the phone away from his ear and makes the "won't stop talking" gesture, I say "Well hang up then!" He finally interrups and says "I really have to go mom the baby is crying, I love you mom" *GAG*
Turns out the huge emergency? Is that she landed up in the hospital from FIL beating her up! According to DH, MIL claims she told AIL to not tell anybody.
I am so infuriated by this!
If it was a stranger, sure I'd feel bad in theory, like damn that really sucks, what an asshole, put him in jail etc. But this isn't a stranger and unfortunately I know all the history! They are both alcoholics who get drunk and talk shit to each other, I've seen many times MIL lay her hands on FIL, they have a gross abusive relationship and I'm not surprised it escalated like this. I'm just thankful my DS was nowhere near that drama. BUT WHY DOES MY DH HAVE TO FEEL RESPONSIBLE!!!??? He doesn't have to help her pick up the pieces! She is a grown ass woman!
I was PISSED after DH told me all of this but I kept outwardly calm to try and give space for DH to emote. But my brain was working. It was so clear to me how DH had been tricked and had played their game. I let him know I was pissed about the emotional manipulation and game playing but I wasn't going to let it ruin my day. He agreed and said he wanted to text AIL something. He sent-
I called my mom you had me scared I don't know if you just want us to talk or what but not cool.
AIL- Why do u mean not cool. Sorry for bothering u.
DH- Not cool that you had me scared and you're not bothering.
AIL- So ur mom got beat up n sent to er thts not scary. Well it was for me. God help u for hating ur mom so much.
DH- I don't hate anyone and God help us all.
Her guilt tripping pissed me off SO MUCH but I was trying to put on a happy face so I used a trick that I've read on here to basically think out loud in the shower all the things I wanted to say but shouldn't. I'm sure I sounded like a nut but I got it all out and felt better!
We had made plans a couple weeks before to go to the fair that day with CIL and CIL's 3 DDs. My DS was super excited to go ride all the rides and hang out with his cousins so I put it all out of my head to have a fun day. But I warned DH that if CIL brought up anything about MIL or AIL that I would let her know exactly how I felt about the situation, and then DS and I would leave. DH agreed.
It ended up being a fun day and no mention was made of MIL or AIL. Today CIL posted a video on the debil of my DS and her DD on a ride together.
CIL put (in reference to my DS) "He's my little sissy boy!"
Me: He isn't a sissy, he's sensitive!
CIL: But that's just what I call him
Me: Sure I know but we don't like for him to be called a sissy or a girl when it's in a negative way
CIL: OMG OP here you go again. Its not like I mean it offensive. DS knows I mess around with him like that hes not offended. My cousin would understand I don't mean it like that but whatever!!!!!
(She deleted everything right after)
I didn't want to get into debil drama so I messaged her.
Deleting my comment, really? I don't like him to be called those things, by ANYONE be it the neighbor, his dad, you, and it doesn't matter your meaning behind it or if a 7 year old is offended.... It's what I do as his mom to protect him, that is my job. I'm not offended, I'm saying I don't want him to be called a sissy, a girl, a fag, a lala, or anything that makes him ,1, feel bad about the person God made him to be or 2, make him think that girls are somehow lesser or below boys! Think what you want about it, I'm not going to keep repeating myself.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far
