I can tell how completely pissed she is, and I love it. I know, it's a little immature, just let me have my moment. It's been almost a year since I let my MIL in my house, with communication only over video chat (where I'd pop my head in occasionally, only briefly). I may be foolish for letting her stay here again, but damn if it didn't work for me!
The key is, we don't "need" anything from her. That's it. She needs to be needed, and she derives her power from seeing others as inferior, especially in subordinate roles. She'd come over, take over the kitchen, and start bossing everyone around, and after that, she'd feel like the almighty shit. Every time DUH was thrown back in the "line cook" role, it would devolve into, "Yes mum, sure mum, whatever you want mum" while I, his (pregnant/nursing/child wrangling) wife sat on the side, or was bossed around too. No more.
Literally, it's, "Can I help you with anything?"
Nope.
"Can I bring anything for you from home?"
Nope.
"Can I watch the kids for you?"
Nope.
Because then it becomes, "I did ___ for you, because I'm the best, and now you owe me."
Nope.
She tries to tell my kids what I should do for them. "Mommy should give you/do/say ____." Oh really?
"I heard it sweetie, but we have our own rules, and Gram doesn't know them. I'm going to do ____ because that's how we roll here. What day did Gram get here? That's right! And what day is Gram going home? Right again! Great days of the week, baby." Moving on.
She can visit, that's fine. We kept our weekly routine, we left when we felt like it and came back when we felt like it. We didn't change up anything for her.
My kids are sweet, happy, healthy, and far more capable than she expected them to be. Winning.
I've gained a lot of strength fighting my adopted FOO, but it's been a bitch of a year, so this feels good. Just thought I'd toss in a little good news.
The key is, we don't "need" anything from her. That's it. She needs to be needed, and she derives her power from seeing others as inferior, especially in subordinate roles. She'd come over, take over the kitchen, and start bossing everyone around, and after that, she'd feel like the almighty shit. Every time DUH was thrown back in the "line cook" role, it would devolve into, "Yes mum, sure mum, whatever you want mum" while I, his (pregnant/nursing/child wrangling) wife sat on the side, or was bossed around too. No more.
Literally, it's, "Can I help you with anything?"
Nope.
"Can I bring anything for you from home?"
Nope.
"Can I watch the kids for you?"
Nope.
Because then it becomes, "I did ___ for you, because I'm the best, and now you owe me."
Nope.
She tries to tell my kids what I should do for them. "Mommy should give you/do/say ____." Oh really?
"I heard it sweetie, but we have our own rules, and Gram doesn't know them. I'm going to do ____ because that's how we roll here. What day did Gram get here? That's right! And what day is Gram going home? Right again! Great days of the week, baby." Moving on.
She can visit, that's fine. We kept our weekly routine, we left when we felt like it and came back when we felt like it. We didn't change up anything for her.
My kids are sweet, happy, healthy, and far more capable than she expected them to be. Winning.
I've gained a lot of strength fighting my adopted FOO, but it's been a bitch of a year, so this feels good. Just thought I'd toss in a little good news.