Hello again!
I hate to be back over same issues but I have no one else to turn to. I was trying to link my old post, but I couldn't figure out how to. If someone can, please do. If not ask away I'll do my best to explain.
My DH and I had two "almost" wonderful years without MIL and the rest of his family from that side. I've encouraged DH to get therapy through that time, and he only went to one session. He thought that was enough. While they were CO (I know it means forever, I planned on it) but hallelujah the dead has risen and came back into our lives. MIL had a cancer scare, so everyone was coming together for her. She called us first and apologized and said that if she won't get through it, she loves us and wishes us best. DH of course dropped all his defenses to be there for her. Hell, I even felt bad and let her back into my life. She has now met my second child, and we even went to her house for 4 days so they can catch up on lost time. Well that didn't go well as you can imagine.
Let me go back a little bit to give some important details. MIL and DH bio dad split up when he was little. MIL hates his bio dad with passion. She hates the fact that we have a relationship with him. Her side to this story is that he was a abuser, cheater, + (fathered her sisters baby) and put his mom (her ex MIL) before anyone else. His dad's side, is that MIL cheated on him with his cousin, to whom she is married now. So you can see why there is so much tension when the subject comes up. Well with the whole cancer scare, she told my DH that her last wish would be is for him to never see his real dad again, and for us to never take our kids to him again. And my DH said yes! I told her I don't see it going well because I don't agree with the that decision and she said that it's his dad, he should decide what he wants, and I should just stand by his decision. That's when everything exploded and we left.
DH talked to me on the way home, and said that he stands by his decision, because his BIO dad hasnt been all that involved with us lately, and that she is a better grandparent to our kids than he is. I should add that his bio dad lives in another country, so it does make things a bit difficult when it comes to visits but if he felt neglected, than i cant change that. We usually plan about two trips a year. We always go there because there is a lot of family, and visas are very expensive to get for most of them.I love them and they have been wonderful with DH, our children but also, they have accepted me in their family, which is so relieving compare to MIL. They dont judge my parenting,and the kind of wife i am. They actually compliment my cooking! And they never go against my word when it comes to my kids. If I said it's bedime, it means it's bedtime, no negotiations. MIL literally woke up my 7 month old, and said the baby has been crying for a while. I was in the room with baby, laying down and MIL thought I was sleeping so she was trying to get herself out of the hot water. I just told ge to leave the baby with me and let us go to sleep. DH said she did that because she wants to spend as much time as possible with the kids.
Maybe it's for all those reasons that I want to keep relationship with his BIO dad and family...
This happened 2 month ago, but everyday I'm growing a bigger resentment towards DH. I feel like I married a damaged little boy who needs his mom's approval for everything once again. But this time I want to run away. When I bring up the subject he tries to change it or says that thats how he feels and i should respect that.
What do I do? Should I just go on my own from now on? They will welcome us with open arms, we keep in contact quite often. If I'm going I'll take my children with me too. I know I'm not a little girl, I know I can do whatever I want. But maybe I'm missing something, where I can justify his behavior. I really want to be on same side with DH but I'm not willing to compromise over his mom anymore. I don't talk to her at all, this time forever. I so badly want to keep my children out of this drama what can I do?
Sorry for the long post. Please help me once again!
I hate to be back over same issues but I have no one else to turn to. I was trying to link my old post, but I couldn't figure out how to. If someone can, please do. If not ask away I'll do my best to explain.
My DH and I had two "almost" wonderful years without MIL and the rest of his family from that side. I've encouraged DH to get therapy through that time, and he only went to one session. He thought that was enough. While they were CO (I know it means forever, I planned on it) but hallelujah the dead has risen and came back into our lives. MIL had a cancer scare, so everyone was coming together for her. She called us first and apologized and said that if she won't get through it, she loves us and wishes us best. DH of course dropped all his defenses to be there for her. Hell, I even felt bad and let her back into my life. She has now met my second child, and we even went to her house for 4 days so they can catch up on lost time. Well that didn't go well as you can imagine.
Let me go back a little bit to give some important details. MIL and DH bio dad split up when he was little. MIL hates his bio dad with passion. She hates the fact that we have a relationship with him. Her side to this story is that he was a abuser, cheater, + (fathered her sisters baby) and put his mom (her ex MIL) before anyone else. His dad's side, is that MIL cheated on him with his cousin, to whom she is married now. So you can see why there is so much tension when the subject comes up. Well with the whole cancer scare, she told my DH that her last wish would be is for him to never see his real dad again, and for us to never take our kids to him again. And my DH said yes! I told her I don't see it going well because I don't agree with the that decision and she said that it's his dad, he should decide what he wants, and I should just stand by his decision. That's when everything exploded and we left.
DH talked to me on the way home, and said that he stands by his decision, because his BIO dad hasnt been all that involved with us lately, and that she is a better grandparent to our kids than he is. I should add that his bio dad lives in another country, so it does make things a bit difficult when it comes to visits but if he felt neglected, than i cant change that. We usually plan about two trips a year. We always go there because there is a lot of family, and visas are very expensive to get for most of them.I love them and they have been wonderful with DH, our children but also, they have accepted me in their family, which is so relieving compare to MIL. They dont judge my parenting,and the kind of wife i am. They actually compliment my cooking! And they never go against my word when it comes to my kids. If I said it's bedime, it means it's bedtime, no negotiations. MIL literally woke up my 7 month old, and said the baby has been crying for a while. I was in the room with baby, laying down and MIL thought I was sleeping so she was trying to get herself out of the hot water. I just told ge to leave the baby with me and let us go to sleep. DH said she did that because she wants to spend as much time as possible with the kids.
Maybe it's for all those reasons that I want to keep relationship with his BIO dad and family...
This happened 2 month ago, but everyday I'm growing a bigger resentment towards DH. I feel like I married a damaged little boy who needs his mom's approval for everything once again. But this time I want to run away. When I bring up the subject he tries to change it or says that thats how he feels and i should respect that.
What do I do? Should I just go on my own from now on? They will welcome us with open arms, we keep in contact quite often. If I'm going I'll take my children with me too. I know I'm not a little girl, I know I can do whatever I want. But maybe I'm missing something, where I can justify his behavior. I really want to be on same side with DH but I'm not willing to compromise over his mom anymore. I don't talk to her at all, this time forever. I so badly want to keep my children out of this drama what can I do?
Sorry for the long post. Please help me once again!