Ok. Some of this is a little venty but I REALLY need some perspective. I have some major shit going on with my MOO (recently CO), and my FIL. I have BG here that I will try to link in a little bit. I will fully admit that with all the stress this last year has brought I'm definitely more sensitive than usual, so this could easily all be a 'me' problem. You decide.
So, we see my BIL and SIL like once every 3 months. Fine with me. They have 3 LOs, we have 2. We have different parenting styles, different religious views, they are the GC of the family FOR SURE. I don't mind them mostly, but there is a lot of yelling and chaos in their household and I am severely introverted so it is EXHAUSTING to be around. MIL was here 2 weeks ago and went onnnnn and onnnn about how much BIL misses spending time with DH (they just saw each other a month ago sooooooo?) and how they wish we would visit more often. The reason I hate visiting them? Here's a list:
1. They live where I grew up. MOO is there and the whole place is a little triggery for me right now.
2.I cosleep. They know this but they are not cosleepers... Anti-really. They give us 1 room, upstairs with no bathroom. This one room barely fits a double for my family of 4. I can't sleep on an air mattress with my 6 month old. Every time we've gone the sleeping situation is so fucked up and I'm always the one that suffers with no sleep. TBH his whole side of the family is very inconsiderate of our sleeping style. I have told them we are happy to get a hotel and family members insist there is "more than enough room" and 9 times out of 10 DH or I end up on the fucking floor with one of our littles. Most time at their house too I get to listen to their 1 year old scream his head off in the middle of the night because they won't go to him. Also, I refuse to get a hotel just to go visit, and here's why
A) We don't have a ton of money, and we already have to board our dog to go see them. They aren't 'animal people'. Fine.
B) They make a TON of money, and we are struggling.
C) They spend half their Sunday at church, which is fine but then I don't see why we need a hotel for Saturday night... Might as well come Friday night then leave Saturday night.
3. THEY RARELY COME TO SEE US. I can count on 1 hand the times they've come to see us in the past 2 years. They say it's hard to travel with 3 kids yet they are LITERALLY (in the true meaning of the word) out of town almost every.single.weekend.
We recently moved into a much nicer place and invited them over. They could only come for 1 night though because they couldn't miss church. I REALLY wanted to show them how enjoyable their stay could be because i would like to have a loving relationship with them. One of their children is an extremely picky eater and I went out of my way to purchase foods I know he likes. I made sure SIL knew we had plenty of food. I cleared out 2 rooms and moved my whole family into the master bedroom just to make sure they had enough space.
They pretty much ate their own food the whole time. Guess i won't make that mistake again. Then when they were leaving BIL made a big deal about how we need to visit them more often because they have a whole room for us and everything.
I just. Ugh. I just can't with people anymore. DH gets annoyed too but also likes to see his brother. He does go visit on his own. I need a few questions answered:
Am I being nitpicky? Are they just totally fucking clueless and don't see why its inconvenient for us to visit? In other words are they just my BEC and I'm overly dramatic because of other life situations?
If they are being clueless and rude any idea how to bring the rudeness to their attention? I have told them before that it's inconvenient with the dog and everything... They have said bring the dog before but he has to sleep outside and their yard isn't fenced.
I don't hate these people. They are fun and funny to be around. I just don't appreciate the guilt about visits from multiple family members. I know this isn't as serious as other posters issues. Give it to me DWIL. If it's a me problem let me know. If I should just ignore the guilt trips and carry on with life no prob. Just want some input.
So, we see my BIL and SIL like once every 3 months. Fine with me. They have 3 LOs, we have 2. We have different parenting styles, different religious views, they are the GC of the family FOR SURE. I don't mind them mostly, but there is a lot of yelling and chaos in their household and I am severely introverted so it is EXHAUSTING to be around. MIL was here 2 weeks ago and went onnnnn and onnnn about how much BIL misses spending time with DH (they just saw each other a month ago sooooooo?) and how they wish we would visit more often. The reason I hate visiting them? Here's a list:
1. They live where I grew up. MOO is there and the whole place is a little triggery for me right now.
2.I cosleep. They know this but they are not cosleepers... Anti-really. They give us 1 room, upstairs with no bathroom. This one room barely fits a double for my family of 4. I can't sleep on an air mattress with my 6 month old. Every time we've gone the sleeping situation is so fucked up and I'm always the one that suffers with no sleep. TBH his whole side of the family is very inconsiderate of our sleeping style. I have told them we are happy to get a hotel and family members insist there is "more than enough room" and 9 times out of 10 DH or I end up on the fucking floor with one of our littles. Most time at their house too I get to listen to their 1 year old scream his head off in the middle of the night because they won't go to him. Also, I refuse to get a hotel just to go visit, and here's why
A) We don't have a ton of money, and we already have to board our dog to go see them. They aren't 'animal people'. Fine.
B) They make a TON of money, and we are struggling.
C) They spend half their Sunday at church, which is fine but then I don't see why we need a hotel for Saturday night... Might as well come Friday night then leave Saturday night.
3. THEY RARELY COME TO SEE US. I can count on 1 hand the times they've come to see us in the past 2 years. They say it's hard to travel with 3 kids yet they are LITERALLY (in the true meaning of the word) out of town almost every.single.weekend.
We recently moved into a much nicer place and invited them over. They could only come for 1 night though because they couldn't miss church. I REALLY wanted to show them how enjoyable their stay could be because i would like to have a loving relationship with them. One of their children is an extremely picky eater and I went out of my way to purchase foods I know he likes. I made sure SIL knew we had plenty of food. I cleared out 2 rooms and moved my whole family into the master bedroom just to make sure they had enough space.
They pretty much ate their own food the whole time. Guess i won't make that mistake again. Then when they were leaving BIL made a big deal about how we need to visit them more often because they have a whole room for us and everything.
I just. Ugh. I just can't with people anymore. DH gets annoyed too but also likes to see his brother. He does go visit on his own. I need a few questions answered:
Am I being nitpicky? Are they just totally fucking clueless and don't see why its inconvenient for us to visit? In other words are they just my BEC and I'm overly dramatic because of other life situations?
If they are being clueless and rude any idea how to bring the rudeness to their attention? I have told them before that it's inconvenient with the dog and everything... They have said bring the dog before but he has to sleep outside and their yard isn't fenced.
I don't hate these people. They are fun and funny to be around. I just don't appreciate the guilt about visits from multiple family members. I know this isn't as serious as other posters issues. Give it to me DWIL. If it's a me problem let me know. If I should just ignore the guilt trips and carry on with life no prob. Just want some input.
