New to this group, someone suggested it for my post in another group so here is a copy of my question. Thanks!
Background, I have a 6 year old daughter and 3 year old son. They are the only grandkids on both my husband and my side, so they are very loved and spoiled by grandparents and aunts and uncles.... which is AWESOME most of the time. It saves us money on clothes and necessities and they get to do a lot of fun things since both grandparent sets live within an hour of us.... Now the question.... every holiday it seems, one or both of the grandmas buy new outfits for at least my daughter (most of the time they try to get one for each but they love finding pretty dresses for my oldest). Examples: Christmas- they each bring us some shoes or a Christmas outfit. Thanksgiving, Easter, etc... the same thing... we usually end up wearing one outfit to one event with one side of the family, and one outfit to the other set of grandparents event. There have been years where I have bought something cute but they don't get to wear what I buy them because they get two outfits from grandmas, that I'm then bugged for photos of them wearing on XYZ occasion (GAH!). The only times it is really an issue are on firsts... like first day of school (there's only one a year so we usually have to have one worn to back to school night/meet the teacher and one the first day) and Halloween... I LOVE helping my kids come up with a costume but my mom sews so she's always sewing costumes for them, and my mother in law loves bargain shopping so she always gets one at thrift stores, etc... This year I hadn't even talked to my kids about Halloween and Labor Day, my mother in law told me she had a surprise and pulls out this princess dress she found a great deal on and said it was for my daughter for Halloween and asked if she'd like it. It's not a specific princess or anything and I usually let my kids pick what they want to be, but my mother in law has hormone issues and you don't want to upset her or she'll hold a grudge for years... so yeah it's a princess dress, my daughter will probably love it... but I haven't even asked what she'd like to be yet and I don't wanna just be like "here you go, meema got you a costume." It'll probably be fine, and I highly appreciate and understand them wanting to help and buy stuff for the kids, but I'm starting to feel left out of choices for my kids and undermined (in many situations not just holidays). --- side note: My mother in law keeps asking every holiday if she can have the kids stay with her those days... like Halloween, Easter, Fourth of July, etc... most of the time we say no since we have family plans but ... has anyone else dealt with this? Idk how to nicely insert myself back into my kids' lives for holidays and events without pissing off the in-laws and my parents... TIA.
Background, I have a 6 year old daughter and 3 year old son. They are the only grandkids on both my husband and my side, so they are very loved and spoiled by grandparents and aunts and uncles.... which is AWESOME most of the time. It saves us money on clothes and necessities and they get to do a lot of fun things since both grandparent sets live within an hour of us.... Now the question.... every holiday it seems, one or both of the grandmas buy new outfits for at least my daughter (most of the time they try to get one for each but they love finding pretty dresses for my oldest). Examples: Christmas- they each bring us some shoes or a Christmas outfit. Thanksgiving, Easter, etc... the same thing... we usually end up wearing one outfit to one event with one side of the family, and one outfit to the other set of grandparents event. There have been years where I have bought something cute but they don't get to wear what I buy them because they get two outfits from grandmas, that I'm then bugged for photos of them wearing on XYZ occasion (GAH!). The only times it is really an issue are on firsts... like first day of school (there's only one a year so we usually have to have one worn to back to school night/meet the teacher and one the first day) and Halloween... I LOVE helping my kids come up with a costume but my mom sews so she's always sewing costumes for them, and my mother in law loves bargain shopping so she always gets one at thrift stores, etc... This year I hadn't even talked to my kids about Halloween and Labor Day, my mother in law told me she had a surprise and pulls out this princess dress she found a great deal on and said it was for my daughter for Halloween and asked if she'd like it. It's not a specific princess or anything and I usually let my kids pick what they want to be, but my mother in law has hormone issues and you don't want to upset her or she'll hold a grudge for years... so yeah it's a princess dress, my daughter will probably love it... but I haven't even asked what she'd like to be yet and I don't wanna just be like "here you go, meema got you a costume." It'll probably be fine, and I highly appreciate and understand them wanting to help and buy stuff for the kids, but I'm starting to feel left out of choices for my kids and undermined (in many situations not just holidays). --- side note: My mother in law keeps asking every holiday if she can have the kids stay with her those days... like Halloween, Easter, Fourth of July, etc... most of the time we say no since we have family plans but ... has anyone else dealt with this? Idk how to nicely insert myself back into my kids' lives for holidays and events without pissing off the in-laws and my parents... TIA.