So obviously since I can't change the situation, what are some rules that should be set about this.
Dh thinks that he won't be around much if he's not there, but I think he will. He often stayed with us for months at a time (different location). So I can't imagine that he wouldn't just assume that would continue, but I am hoping I'm wrong.
I already said I don't want him coming over unannounced, although he can look over the fence, so that is half pointless.
I was thinking possible rules about dinners, like maybe over twice a month.
Dh already wants to put 'half' of our stuff in his house, but I said doing that sort of thing gives him expectations that he can show up at ours whenever to 'use' it. And also for babysitting. Not that he can't ever babysit or that we would never ask him, but ideally I would like to avoid that as much as possible or at least not assume he is willing without prior asking.
Am I missing anything? Am I being too harsh? Should I add he is 44, never been married, no kids, and works from home. So he has no other distractions in his life but us.