Hi everyone. I am a regular babycenter member, but never have been on here. I've been told to give your board a try in seeking advice. Due to having sister in laws and other members of my family on my normal account, I have created a private account. I read your sticky and tried to understand things. I don't come for special treatment, so be free to rip into me, and I'll keep my big girl panties on lol.
Where to start...um...my problem is about my MIL.
My husband has two teenagers from his first marriage and we are currently expecting our first baby. We have been married for 2 years.
My Husband's dad died in 2009. When he died, my MIL moved in with her son (my husband) to help him with his kids. She moved in in 2009. He has sole custody of his kids. I met him in 2012.
Living with him and his kids she was their caretaker and did everything for them. I mean the kids. DH travels for work too, so when he traveled, she looked after the kids. When I met him and he told me how his mom lived with him, I did not judge his life. I got along well with his mom and kids. After marrying, things got tense. By my marrying him, won't I be the head of the household, too?
When I moved in with him, his mom told me the kitchen was out of bounds. I did laundry, cleaned and helped with the kids and doing my job. On school breaks the tradition they had and still do is traveling together. Since being married, all the trips have been with everyone.
Feeling useless, I talked to him about the kitchen issue. I love to help out, and when I do go to help, she bars me from helping her. She always tells me everything is under control. I told him how it is odd and she could at least allow me to cook for once or do something. He told me it made no sense because I work everyday. I work either 9-2 or 3-8 on certain days, so to him, I am out the house the majority of the day, and don't have time to do anything. I told him my 9-2 shift schedule gives me time to at least prepare dinner for once. Nothing.
My MIL drops of the kids, picks them up from their after school stuff, comes home and then hangs around until she leaves for her cards game night with friends. She makes dinner from 4 so that when the kids and any of us are there, we get early dinner.
Privacy
I don't feel comfortable having sex with her under the roof.
When I got my positive test we told her and the kids. There is no spare bedroom for the baby. We are thinking of having the baby be in our room for two years. Around the one and a half year mark it is going to lead to two things: build an extension of a bed and bath or renovate the basement to have a bed and bath. Having her leave is not an option because when he moved his mom in, he moved her in for life.
On most weekends, I get the 9-2 shift. When I do, I use it to spend time with my stepkids. MIL knows this, but likes to come along with us wherever we go. We went to the beach one weekend and she wanted to come, so I allowed her to. It was a mix of rain and sunshine. She nagged about the rain falling and how it was not good to be at the beach when it rains as you can get sick. We were under shade, and having fun. Basically, she was acting grumpy. If we tried to stay out late, she wanted to get back home. Another time we were out sightseeing and when I allowed the kids to have freedom in doing what they wanted she told me I am not their mother. I told her we were having fun and I am their stepmother, so she was mistaken.
I feel "trapped". I do not want to sound mean. I knew what I was marrying into. However, I don't get to enjoy the house in doing things, or doing things with my step kids.
Am I being mean in my thinking?