So, DH’s sister is getting married. This is her second marriage. I wasn’t around for the first one, but apparently, she didn’t (or couldn’t?) invite her family because of the fact that she was marrying into a religion that didn’t allow those not of the religion to attend. Basically, she made her family tailgate her wedding. FF to 3 years ago, it ends in a messy divorce.
DH and I have been married for 2 years, together for 4. For schoolreasons, we live a 2 day drive away from our hometown. Due to some manipulative behavior on Mil’s part circulating around our wedding, and major holiday guilt trips (example: Why won’t you two poor graduate students drop everything and drive two days to come home for the holidays? And FM sister “Why do you hate mom?” she is my BEC.
Then we were pregnant with DS last year. Super complicated pregnancy. He and I both almost died, twice (we’re fine now). The only time they every called was to harass DH about how we were going to pay for all the medical bills. DH was like “um… even if we have to file bankruptcy, she’s going to get medical treatment, so I'm not going to worry about it.” Then after I’m out of the ICU every week, mil or fil would call and ALWAYS ask “Are they going to have to take the baby early???” or some other ridiculous comment.
Like, I am already stressed out in this thing, do you really think I need to hear any of your negative conversation? So, I told DH that I’m not talking to them any more.
So the baby is here. He was a preemie (they did have to eventually take him early). We were in the NICU for over a month. As soon as he gets here, and dh tells them that there is nothing wrong with DS, he just needs to feed and grow, it was like, radio silence. It was almost as if as soon as the bad stuff stopped happening they didn’t care any more. If that makes sense. Even though he is their first grandchild, no one cares.
Comparatively, he is the 8th grandchild for my dad and 5th for my mother, and they show a fair amount of non-boundary stomping interest. Maybe it is just odd to me because my family dynamic is so different.
They honestly have not expressed interest with coming down here to see the baby. That is totally fine with me, I am not a fan of them anyway. However! Every other moment they get, they ask Dh when WE are coming home. I’m irritated by it because even before we had a LO, we were the ones to have to travel across country. And now, with a baby, I think it is even more inconsiderate.
My parents, and siblings have all been here to visit us at least 3 times each, and so vice versa. But after we busted our butts to get there to visit them for a ridiculously dramatic and super lame Christmas, I said never again.
So, now, his sister is getting married. Its not a large occasion. They’re going to the court house. (Which I am not knocking. DH and I went to the courthouse, and we later had a big reception for family)
But they want us to drive 2 days across country to come to it. They’re not having a reception or anything. Dh isn’t close to his sister, and she has never called me. But they’re making a show of trying to plan when it is convenient for us.
I don’t want to go, I think it will be a waste of time, and full of weird drama.
So my question is, is it unreasonable for me to not want to go to this? Should I just send Dh?
ETA: paragraphs