UD's: 16, 18, 24, 31,32, 33, 36, 40, 46, 50, 53 , 56, 58, 59, 61
Seriously I'm so shocked with my mom but I guess I shouldn't be.
About a month ago my mom asked if her and my brother could stay at my place (2 bedroom apartment) for a few days because she's going to have her house fumigated before she remodels it. I said no we have a small place we can't cram 5 people in one place (AND TBH my mom drives my husband nuts).
DH and I are going on vacation June 9th for a week and my husband said hey if your mom wants to do the fumigating then she's welcome to stay at our place at that time. I let me my know (cuz I don't care either way- he brought it up) and she said great. So her and my brother would stay a few days while we were gone. She told me "oh I'll clean the house while you are gone and I'll get the carpets washed." I told her don't worry it wasn't necessary.
So long story short last week she says "I don't want to wait to fumigate until then, I want to come next week." So right now all of us are sick, and I said "no, we agreed on these dates, if you want to do another time you need to make other arrangments." And it's not like worst case my mom can't afford a hotel/motel, money is no problem for my mother. I know, I used to have POA when she worked overseas and I handled all her accounts.
Anyways, she got mad at me and said she's glad she's not homeless on the street and I told her "you are hardly homeless you just want to get your remodeling and stuff done faster." She just purchased her FIFTH home (free and clear with no payments) and escrow is taking a while because of some lein on the property so she's bored and wants to start the remodel on her current home faster but the contractor told her to fumigate first. I told her none of this is my problem and she cannot stay during the remodel
So we come to today. My husband calls me, in a panic, because my mom and brother are at our place with potted plants and bags of groceries and when my husband asked my brother (who came upstairs before my mom) my brother said "oh mom said we are leaving all this stuff here." Which she had asked me to clean out MY freezer the week they were staying and I asked her exactly where should I put MY food in MY freezer? The fumigators also told her there was no need to remove anything from her fridge or freezer and it's only 2 days. So I told her no, I'm not cleaning out my freezer for her.
I call my mom and I'm like what is going on? Why are you bringing plants and food to my place? She starts screaming at me that she is MY mother, that she helps me all the time, she should be able to do whatever she wants, and so on. I was like WTF are you talking about? You can't just bring all this stuff and expect my husband to not call me and ask what this is about, this is OUR home. I told her she should have asked me (I would have said no- HUGE potted plants and a 21 month old! Oh yeah perfect combo!) and to get that stuff out of my home right now.
She hung up on me, and according to my husband threw a fit and yelled at him for calling me, threw a huge potted plant on the ground too, scared my 21 month old DS into crying, and then my husband told her to get out and take her stuff. He took DS into his room and closed the door, when he came out she started yelling at him how she always helps us and how we can't even help her. My husband said "you come over and sit on our computer looking at houses to buy, that's not help, we don't need your help." She started to refuse to leave and he told her if you do not leave my home I will call the cops.
Which set her off even more and she grabbed all the stuff and left. My brother took a separate car and ended up staying at our place for a few hours afterwards (my husband and brother get along well).
She sent me a million texts about how disrespectful I am, how rude my husband is, how my husband has always hated her (no he doesn't but she's not doing herself any favors), and how I SHOULD have offered to let her come by whenever she wants, how she doesn't even have a key to our home (and you never will) and so on.
I told her stop arguing with me and that I'm at work and that my husband did nothing wrong and that she was wrong to show up like that to "visit."
She then backtracks and says "I wasn't keeping the stuff at your house, I was taking it to my friends on the way but didn't want to leave it in the car" I said if that were true why did my brother say that you were keeping it there. I told her don't change the story now and she said my brother didn't know. I said if that were true then when I called and asked what is going on why didn't she say "oh no I'm taking it with me, I just wanted to keep it out of the car" and not rant about how she's my mother and she can do what she wants. AND why didn't she leave the damn plants outside.
She told me she's never coming over again and she knows my husband is so glad about that and to tell him he won and yada yada. Then she also tells me to ask my dad for help from now on.
Guys, IDK what she is talking about all this "help." My husband is disabled (recently stopped working) and at home while I work full time. She comes over once every other a week while I am at work (my husband lets her, I have told him multiple times that I don't think it's a good idea but my husband says she should see her grandson but now that is NOT happening anymore- I think his unicorn is dead). She'll take my son for a walk or something downstairs, maybe clean a little (AGAIN nobody asks her too- we have a dishwasher and she will pull dishes out and wash them!) and then sits on her phone yapping away and use my computer to look for properties to buy or generally do things to drive my husband nuts (but he will tell me don't say anything- and yes she has her own computer at home- she's an online junkie). And yes, I put away the laptop now, and yes I've told her don't come over and go on the phone, if she's done visiting then she can leave. She's not welcome to sit around all day if she's not here to see her grandson. She was also mad cuz my MIL comes over 1-2 times per week and I only let her come once every other week. I said "it's HIS mother, she can come over anytime my husband wants to see her when I am at work." I have a pretty good relationship with my MIL overall and I do not mind one bit that she comes over when I am not around because she isn't crazy like my mom. I think DWIL has helped me to see quite a bit at how dysfunctional my family is and I'm seeing that my mom needs at least a TO right now.
I'm sure some of this is on us but I think this all happened because my mom thrives on drama and is just pissed I won't let her stay so she's like "if I can't stay then my STUFF will!" She kept ranting about how all her friends offered her a place to stay and I was like "that's great- they all own HUGE HOUSES- I DO NOT" and she goes "that's not the point you should have offered" and I said "nope, I offered the week of June 9th, you didn't like it, that's NOT MY PROBLEM."
I'm very pissed that she had a tantrum in front of my son and scared him.
And NO, she does NOT help us out. She may babysit on occassion (I haven't had her babysit in at least 3 months) and she may randomly bring some food over and maybe clean the bathroom now and then (I've told her don't worry about it), but I NEVER ask her for anything.
OH and I found out I'm pregnant Friday before Mother's Day and when DH and I told her (and everyone on the Saturday cuz DH was so excited and wanted to share) you know what her response was?! "I KNEW IT! I haven't seen any pads in your trash for a while!" I was like WTF are you serious? That is crazy talk. My MIL was also there and the look on my MIL's face was pure disgust. Even my sister told her "mom that is so gross you need help."
I think her not coming over anymore has been a long time overdue... I cut off my dad before mothers day because I'm done with his craziness, and now here she comes, she's been bad before, but overall trainable, but now I'm just done. My mom was constantly badgering me to ask my dad for money and stuff (I don't need money!)
Anyways, at this point I've ignored all the texts, she actually sent me a text asking my brother can borrow my sleeping bag... Seriously?
Part of me had to get it off my chest part of me is like "did this just happen" what would your next step be? Right now she is for SURE on a TO!
I know for sure I fucked up allowing my mom to come over while I wasn't around, but DH does have a unicorn for family and insisted it was fine. I should have said no. Stress is really bad for my husband's condition.
And yes, I've actually purchased books from the sticky and have started reading "The Wizard of Oz and other Narcissists."
