I thought I'd just start a new thread, but here is my...um...storied past on here (HA):
Earlist post: MIL/SIL giving me a hard time about "just having one"
http://community.babycenter.com/post/a56837413/no_mil_were_really_only_having_one
SIL #3 is a nutter: http://community.babycenter.com/post/a56884669/i_think_dh_has_been_stabling_a_unicorn-_ilsi_have_it_all_crazy_mil_sil23_mils_crazy_neighbor
More MIL problems:
http://community.babycenter.com/post/a57343090/help_setting_boundaries_for_mil_update_p2_duh_p3
Good work done, how I put my BOO in ITO: http://community.babycenter.com/post/a61542244/disentangling-from-the-boo-ud-5-noms-6811132930-blocked34-question-35
IL issues get really, really bad, H and I both end up in therapy:
http://community.babycenter.com/post/a61390483/mil-boundaries-and-updates-10-unicornspoll-14-what-a-mess-21-therapy-continues-22?cpg=23
I think that about covers it.
So I wanted to update.
H has been seeing his therapist about 2 months now, and I DID go to a session and I like the guy and he passed the DWIL therapist quiz with flying colors (leave and cleave, etc).
We started last week with a marriage therapist, who I also love and passed the test. After just 1 session, H is starting to see things from my point of view. We will be seeing marriage therapist weekly, for the time being. H really has built up this fantasy world, and I'm not sure why, but my suspicion is to protect himself from the abuse from his parents, the trauma of FIL's accident, and the knowledge that he has REALLY fucked up our marriage. So, he's been hiding a loooong time and shattering that bubble is 1) going to take time and 2) going to hurt.
My son's 1st birthday part is this weekend. Against my better judgment, I sent an invite to MIL (I know, I won't do it again). Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine she'd get backup care for FIL and come down. So fine, she can sleep on the pull out in H's office.
Just two weeks ago, H asked me to check a text on his phone for him (he was cooking or something). And I see an exchange between him and MIL that goes back a few weeks.
First the text was something about "why aren't you calling me baaaaack my CPA needs (something something I have no idea)." [Now, H has sent everything MIL's CPA needs so we have no idea what this request is, and H has repeatedly requested that CPA call him directly with needs, and he has in the past, so we thing this is MIL trying to get a response. Rightfully, H BH'd.]
The next day, she sends this:
"I don't understand why you aren't calling me back. CPA (something something something). The CPA has suggested that this is Elder Abuse, but I don't want to go that route."
Reminder: H has spoken with CPA, as far as he knows (per the CPA) all docs have been recieved and MIL's CPA doesn't need anything else.
I saw red. Literally. This threat was sent the same week I was sending out birthday invites, and H said nothing. He said he didn't see it as a threat becuase she said "I don't want to go that route." Well, I told him, what she DIDN'T say, but what is implied, is "but I will if you don't make mommy happy!!!"
After that is another barrage: "I can't believe you haven't brought the baby up to meet FIL. FIL's vision is going and he is going blind in one eye and I've been showing him pictures but I can't believe you would do this to him and blah blah blah blah"
Ok so the tl;dr history is that, many years ago, my FIL was in an accident that left him in a permanant vegetative state. He suffers recurrend C-Diff and MRSA infections and I have been advised by my GI and now my Pediatrician to never ever expose my child to the house he is cared for in. H and I discussed before I ever got pregnant and agreed DS would never "meet" FIL, or go in that house.
Well it looks like that was never really communicated to MIL, which is fine, whatever, but H hasn't responded to the wall of guilt, either. Just a "no that doesn't work for us" is all good for me, but it seems like SOMETHING should be said.
Along with those texts is a text that says "I don't care if you don't have room at your house to stay for LO's birthday, I'll get a hotel if I have to! I am NOT missing this party for anything!"
Hmmm...that's interesting. All H said was "OP has promised the guest room to her BFF / son / husband, let me check with her" (My BFF has moved out of state. MIL then blasted H for offering our house to "local friends" first).
So H called her and said she could have the office pull out.
And that was a little over a week ago. I know H tried to FaceTime MIL over the weekend and texted her but she ignored him. I told him not to chase her.
Last night I was chatting with my SIL (the youngest I am friends with) and she tells me MIL has cancelled her plane ticket because she "couldn't reach H." Ummm...what? I mean, my black little heart is super happy about that, but I'm angry that she's so ridiculous. I also spent way more time working on cleaning / organizing the office than I otherwise would have this week.
tl;dr: "MIL was hell bent on NOT MISSING DS's party, and then cancelled her plane ticket because she didn't get enough calls from H."
So that's my super long obnoxious update. Sorry for the novel 