Long time lurker, never posted before, just used info learned to set boundaries with my IL's and FOO (and feed my llama lol).
I'm hoping posting this here will be okay as I love the advice you ladies give and I seriously need help navigating this.
BG: ODS is from my first marriage, I married at 19, became pregnant the following month. Abuse of every kind insued, became worse when my ex returned from Iraq, I left when ODS was two, my ex spent a year in a military prison and has been in and out of my son's life since. Multiple things have happened since and my son decided in May that he no longer wishes to have a relationship with him.
XMIL was very mean to me during my marriage to her son (btw, thanks to all of you I have determined that she and my ex are both narcs). Once I left him she was sweet as pie as I was her only access to ODS. I made it clear that she was welcome to him anytime, she just needed to ask. For the first couple years she took him once every couple months, then this tapered off. She would send me texts asking for pics, and that she needed her "fix," and she needed to see him soon. I would send her a picture and remind her that she's more than welcome to take him. She would respond with how busy she is and that would be the end of it until she contacted me again and we would repeat this conversation. Over and over. My ex would usually take him around during the holidays and whatnot so she did she him occasionally.
The issue: Now that ODS has CO'd my ex, she's trying to get involved again. She is just weird. YDS was born in August and she kept asking for pics of ODS holding him. Why do you need pics of my kid that isn't related to you??? My son agreed it was weird and BH'd her texts. When my son first decided he didn't want to see his dad she called him trying to guilt trip him, which was so out of line, I took the phone and laid into her (I kept it classy, just stated the facts). She won't try that again. Anyway, she sends him texts that say things like, "I said I love you, don't you love me too?" And gets all excited with lots of emojiis when he says he does (or pouts like a teenage girl when he doesn't respond). I feel like she's trying to create an emotionally incestuous relationship with him like she has with her son. She also keeps trying to get him to spend time with her, but he hasn't agreed to yet. I should mention that he's in therapy to deal with issues with his father and he's nearly 13. I'm trying really hard to not influence his decisions and let him work this out for himself. He wanted to pretty much tell her to leave him alone and I told him to be respectful, but now I'm wondering if that was the wrong answer. Should I let him CO her too? How do I help him navigate this?
I'm hoping posting this here will be okay as I love the advice you ladies give and I seriously need help navigating this.
BG: ODS is from my first marriage, I married at 19, became pregnant the following month. Abuse of every kind insued, became worse when my ex returned from Iraq, I left when ODS was two, my ex spent a year in a military prison and has been in and out of my son's life since. Multiple things have happened since and my son decided in May that he no longer wishes to have a relationship with him.
XMIL was very mean to me during my marriage to her son (btw, thanks to all of you I have determined that she and my ex are both narcs). Once I left him she was sweet as pie as I was her only access to ODS. I made it clear that she was welcome to him anytime, she just needed to ask. For the first couple years she took him once every couple months, then this tapered off. She would send me texts asking for pics, and that she needed her "fix," and she needed to see him soon. I would send her a picture and remind her that she's more than welcome to take him. She would respond with how busy she is and that would be the end of it until she contacted me again and we would repeat this conversation. Over and over. My ex would usually take him around during the holidays and whatnot so she did she him occasionally.
The issue: Now that ODS has CO'd my ex, she's trying to get involved again. She is just weird. YDS was born in August and she kept asking for pics of ODS holding him. Why do you need pics of my kid that isn't related to you??? My son agreed it was weird and BH'd her texts. When my son first decided he didn't want to see his dad she called him trying to guilt trip him, which was so out of line, I took the phone and laid into her (I kept it classy, just stated the facts). She won't try that again. Anyway, she sends him texts that say things like, "I said I love you, don't you love me too?" And gets all excited with lots of emojiis when he says he does (or pouts like a teenage girl when he doesn't respond). I feel like she's trying to create an emotionally incestuous relationship with him like she has with her son. She also keeps trying to get him to spend time with her, but he hasn't agreed to yet. I should mention that he's in therapy to deal with issues with his father and he's nearly 13. I'm trying really hard to not influence his decisions and let him work this out for himself. He wanted to pretty much tell her to leave him alone and I told him to be respectful, but now I'm wondering if that was the wrong answer. Should I let him CO her too? How do I help him navigate this?